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Yesterday I read review of the Hindi movie Girlfriend. It is about two girls, who like each other and eventually develop sexual attraction towards each other. A prominent word used in the review was `lesbian`.

Being the innocent man, that everybody knows me to be, I went out looking for what the word meant. I asked a lady who was sharing the table with me at a restaurant.

Me: Madam, who is a lesbian?
She: If I like to have sex with a woman, I would be a lesbian.
Me: Wow. Does that mean I am a lesbian?
She: Not exactly.
Me: But I love to have sex with women!
She: But you are a guy and you cannot be a lesbian.
Me: Why not? I want to be a lesbian.
She: Even if you want to, you cannot.
Me: But I do not like having sex with men.
She: Yeah, if you liked it, you would be gay.
Me: You mean I am not gay?
She: No. You are not.
Me: You mean I am neither a lesbian nor a gay.
She: Yes
Me: Then, who am I?
She: Hmmm…you are straight.

(I straightened up a bit)

Me: Blame it on my not so flexible spinal chord.
She: No stupid. If you were a man who loves to have sex with woman, you would be straight.
Me: That’s a very simple word. Isn’t there a hep term? Something like `gay` or `lesbian`.
She: No.

(I realized she was losing interest, so I swerved to the flirting zone..a place where I hold sway)

Me: By the way, are you alone.
She: No
Me: I am off to the beach for a walk, would you want to join me?
She: No.
Me: Are you trying to avoid me?
She: Yes.

All of a sudden everything fell in place. She was a lesbian and like me was not turned on by the other sex. “Hard luck baby,” I told myself, and walked away into the sunset.