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Life is a bitch if your wife of one year leaves you alone for a week and goes town hopping. Especially, if you have mouth-sores and find eating out difficult.

Now it is 11 p.m. and Rekha has just sent a message: “Watching Anniyan. Thinking of you. I love you so much.”

I reply: “Yeah, I also love myself so much.”

She called me an egotist and refused to pick up the phone when I called to patch up. Either she was upset or the movie was too good to be interrupted.

Good, my wife has finally realized the truth. I wonder why it took her so long to understand that I love myself. Chances are, she did not notice all those love bites on my mirror image.

I don’t want to be bragging here, but I think if only I were a little more modest…I would be the perfect human being that ever walked this Earth. I just need to be a little more modest…that is all.

I found out that I was perfect the day I played a Lawyer’s role in a school play. After I got off the stage, the audience went loud, crazy and unruly. I had to get back on the stage and request them to be calm. At this juncture, one of my classmates walked up to me and said: “You were amazing. I don’t have words to describe you.”

I said: “Try harder.”

He didn’t yield to my prompt and we spent the next ten minutes discussing the last few days of my schooling and what my future plans were. When I got bored I told him: “Enough of me….let us now talk about you.”

I could see he was happy.

“What do YOU think of me?” I asked him…but he stared right through me and went on his way.

If you don’t love yourself…I pity you. I wonder if you will ever be able to love anybody from the bottom of your heart.

A friend of mine has fallen in love with himself and is looking forward to a life-long romance. As if that was not enough, another friend wants to die in his own arms. Now, what do you call that?