How to create your own jokes
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Ever wanted to create your own jokes? The best way to begin is to indulge in the simplest form of humor – ‘deviation from the normal’.
For example: You start telling a joke about an elephant. You say: “There was this he-elephant, and he wanted to get married.”
Your audience is already thinking of a she-elephant as the bride
You say: “And then it falls in love with an ant”
Your audience is suddenly interested. A smile erupts on their faces
You say: “So, the he-elephant carries the ant in his palm and they go meet his parents.”
Your audience is keen to know what will happen next. They know it can’t get worse than the parents not agreeing
You say: “As soon as the he-elephant tells his parents about his love for the ant, they agree for their marriage.”
Your audience is now left wondering. At this point they have the highest level of interest in your joke
You say: “The happy he-elephant walks up to his father and gives a high-five!”
The way you said the last line tells your audience that it’s the punch line and they start thinking…and soon realize that the ant is dead and they start laughing
————X————–X—————
To be able to tell a good ‘deviation from the normal’ joke one has to have strong ‘lateral thinking’ which, obviously will also help at solving work and personal problems.
Here is one question to test your lateral thinking prowess –
One fine day, many good-for-nothings start to play cards on the roadside. The money being betted is large and the game is pretty serious. Suddenly one of the men accuses the dealer of cheating. One being accused in front of everybody the dealer brandishes a knife and kills the man. One of the on-lookers calls the police who promptly interview everybody who was playing the cards at the time. In the end, no man was arrested or charged with murder. Why?
Leave your answer as a comment or if you think you are sure and don’t want others to know, mail it to jv [dot] rajan [@] gmail.com
64 Comments
Because the murderer was a WOMAN? haha
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They were women??
I have already heard this one. the killer or the person arrested was Female.
So.. OK.. then…:)
The audience is wiser than the Speaker! Yet another Proof!
ps: hope you didn’t get the answer, when you 1st heard abt the puzzle.
wow, you have some really intelligent readers, Jammy!
You are gonna need to up the ante!
stop joking on women, because i have heard men can tolerate jokes on their wife but not on their daughters…
@ all: Ambiga got it right first…as did many others. One of you even mailed me the right answer.
As has been said: The dealer, who was arrested for the murder, was a lady.
You should have written a disclaimer saying that no men were harmed in making this puzzle.
I dont get it…
kindly discount the late re…
well, its lateral thinking right? so if we know the answer is ‘female…’ then we aren’t even thinking lateral… and right answer? this IS lateral thinking. how can there be a correct answer!
….
mine goes here:
One fine day, many good-for-nothings start to play cards on the roadside. The money being betted is large and the game is pretty serious. Suddenly one of the men accuses the dealer of cheating. One being accused in front of everybody the dealer brandishes a knife and kills the man. One of the on-lookers calls the police who promptly interview everybody who was playing the cards at the time. In the end, no man was arrested or charged with murder. Why?
1. the cops wanted to interrogate the men in private. so they arrested everybody for GAMBLING and then produced the murder case later
2. the police INTERVIEW EVERYBODY WHO WAS PLAYING CARDS AT THAT TIME. the murderer (dealer) fled the scene before the cops arrived and only the remaining guys were playing cards then.
3. the dealer brandishes the knife, the sight of which kills the victim, a heart patient himself. so the police can only arrest him for possession of weapon, attempt to murder and culpable homicide not amounting to death…
how did moses part the red sea?
with a sea saw!
what do u call a blonde wif a brain
pregnent
what do u call a blonde wif a brain pregnent
to make joke because there so good and they can make people laugh so much
it was the women because it said no MEN were arrested or charged with murder…..haha too good
this is my opinion, i like to talk to people, also i like to talk to girls, never mind, girls have cooties.
i think they are really funny lol xx
There was a boy wanting to know the 3 letters of the alpherbet so he asks his mam she says go away then he hears his dad shout 180 then his says nanananana then his brother says im driving a car.The next day his teacher asks him what are the first 3 letters in the alpherbet
and he says go away and she says how many detentions do you want for that and he answers 180 then she says whats your name and he says nanananana and she says how are you going to get away with that and he says im driving a car beep beep.
there was a boy digging in a school yard and he shouts im free im free and a little girl walks over and says i dont care if your 3 cause im 4.
there was a boy at school and he had a poo and he goes home anmd his mam asks him how much led did you have and he said i didnt i shot the class with my poooooooooooooooooooo
The guy wasn’t arrested because the game went into overtime AKA Sudden Death.
im inpressed says a boys mam no your not says the boy because your grinning but she was grinnding
fuck
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney
your to young to smoke
your moms so stupid she couldnt find her own house and she was in it.
Good Evening,
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Have found it proven that out of the manner of 11 false reports about this website.
for:Failure to teach ,a spd ,justilification,junior delay
You are to contact us @ the DOHL Department i have also given you my mailing add.the number is 1-800-234-3454
If not contacted you will be find with 3,000 Dollars and 34 cents
Good day!
-Lucy
why did the fatty cross the road?
Because talitha had her dohnut
hey i got a joke if ther wos a butler name baet and you called him hey master baet lolololol
what did the boys say to the gay rabbit?
silly fagget dicks are for chicks…
what did the ghost say to the bee?
Boo-Bee
why do they have toilet paper in KFC?
Because its finger-lickin-good
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?”
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord — nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said “concentrate” on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don’t know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. c0pyr|ghta!haj0k3s
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They’re too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: “Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?”
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W’s.
Q: Why don’t blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn’t know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago?
A: She kept seeing signs that read “stop clean bathroom”.
a black man and his son went on an eroplane and all the gas ran out so they all had to jump out the pilot man said lts do it in albhetical order all africans jump out none put there hand up all black people jump out none jumped then the mans son said to his dad dad i though we were proud african black people but his dad said but today we are niggers. loooooooooool
how do you blow up an indian?
press the red button on there forehead lol
what do you call a black man in a church?
holy shit(because hes black)lol.
- How come niggers don’t drive convertible cars?
- Because they’re lips would wave on the wind and stick on their faces
there were 3 men stranded on a island
they walked towards the water and then seen 2 men
then 2 men both pulled out guns and said to the other 3 men if you want to survive then you have to go into the little forest collect 10 of the same fruits and shove them up your bum without laughing.
so the 3 men went into to little forest
the first man came out holding 10 apples
he shoved 6 up his bum then started laughing so the men shot him and he was floating up to heaven.
the second man came out holding 10 cherries
he shoved 9 up his bum then started laughing so the men shot him and as he was floating up to heaven he caught up with the first man and he asked the second man why he started laughing cuz he only had 1 more cherry to go.
the first man said it was because the third man came out with 10 pineapples!!!!
HINT:PINEAPPLES ARE SPIKEY AND BIG!!!!!!!!!
there was once a boy who lived in a house who went to st benets school in ouston oneday he asked his teacher if he could go to the toilet the teacher said not until you say the alphebet so it went like this A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z THE TEACHER WENT WHERE IS THE P and the the boy said its running down my leg.
Hi,
It’s kinda late, but how about this:
The whole affair was a road side drama?
These are stupid!
Sorry for my rudeness, but these jokes aren’t funny 90% of the time. Most are repeats of very famous jokes that everyone knows, and the new ones are written with bad grammar, or incorrectly. A few corrections:
A. “there was a boy digging in a school yard and he shouts im free im free and a little girl walks over and says i dont care if your 3 cause im 4.”
B. “A convict escapes prison by tunneling into the playground of a preschool. Relieved, he shouts,”I’m free! I’m free!” A young girl walks up to him proudly and boldly states, “That ain’t nothin’. I’m four!”
A. “there was once a boy who lived in a house who went to st benets school in ouston oneday he asked his teacher if he could go to the toilet the teacher said not until you say the alphebet so it went like this A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z THE TEACHER WENT WHERE IS THE P and the the boy said its running down my leg.”
B. “One day, a first-grade boy realized he had to go pee. He raised his hand and asked the teacher if he could use the bathroom. The teacher asks him to recite the alphabet first. He attempted it as follows, “A,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z.” The teacher thought about ir for a second and finally asked the student, “Where is the P?” The student grimly replied, “It’s running down my legs”
I’m sorry if I am incorrect, but I believe the Internet has only been up for public use since the late 80s. I was pretty sure that racism, along with racism supporters were dead by then. Nobody wants to hear your racist jokes. As you may recollect we had a big war on a very racist man in the early 40s. I believe the war was titled “World War II” and I think it was somewhat important… well, whatever.
Wasn’t this page about lateral thinking? Just because the site professes comedy doesn’t mean you have permission to write stupid jokes on it. Even the good jokes shouldn’t be on this page.
Thank you for your time.
“My mam said i am getting a PS3 for no reason” said a girl named lilo who always got everything her heart desired to want she got and she got until every room in her house was full up with toys and games and consoles ecstras. The next day the teacher said “why have you being boasting about something you are going to get because you have made Faith, Freya, Chloe, Aimee, Emillie and Lauren. You have coursed a great fuss, dissopointment, a bit of jeoulesy on perpous and made every single childs name i just called out 10 mins ago”.
” I did not mean to i was just saying what my mam said i was going to get for me” Said Lilo
” But you do it every day and you always say a game or things that cost more than a game. Today you said that you are going to get a PS3 for no reason and yesterday you said that you were going to get a plasma tv 80 inches long but i am never going to belive a word you will ever say ever again. Said the girls
get the joke it is in this sentance
” But you do it every day and you always say a game or things that cost more than a game. Today you said that you are going to get a PS3 for no reason and yesterday you said that you were going to get a plasma tv 80 inches long but i am never going to belive a word you will ever say ever again. Said the girls
hahahahahaha she was not boasting she was boasting hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
i was meant to say “why have you being boasting about something you are going to get because you have made Faith, Freya, Chloe, Aimee, Emillie and Lauren upset.
i missed the word upset out
and in this sentance i missed the word upset out it would be
You have coursed a great fuss, dissopointment, a bit of jeoulesy on perpous and made every single childs name i just called out 10 mins ago upset”.
i put before
You have coursed a great fuss, dissopointment, a bit of jeoulesy on perpous and made every single childs name i just called out 10 mins ago”.
man you got to help me
for some reason i’m on the most wanted list
i can’t go outside because they just stare at me and
(silent)
are you naked
yep
(alice) somtimes i think you just don’t notice me john
i think we should break up
(john)WHAT THE HELL
benches arnt supposed to talk
whats the diffrence between a bee and a fly
bee’s can fly but flies can’t bee
i get it at the end of the paragragh it says that “No Man Was Arrested” there fore stating that the killer was female
yo mommas so fat that when she lights a match the aunts clap your hands stomp your feet praise the lord we got some heat
your head so big it looks like mayra
Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye
why did ella cross the road ………. to save the world!
why did TJ cross the bridge to …………….eat!!!
how do you make a klenex dance put a little boogy in it ………………….. !!!!!! hahaha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!