A married man’s guide to safe and sound staring

Many ask me how I manage to stare in spite of being a happily married man. I have a five-word answer for them all. Be Smart and involve your wife.

If you are married or have a girl friend, chances are you have stopped staring. If you haven`t stopped yet…chances are you are getting caught daily. If you haven`t got caught yet…chances are your wife/girl friend doesn`t care because she has some other love interest.

Or you are smart. Like me. Whatever your reasons are, it makes immense sense for you to continue reading because the staring is like Information Technology – you got to keep yourself updated with the latest or you lose your job. In this case, your wife, girl friend or …whatever.

Girls (and women) like to be complimented. And it is common knowledge. What many men don`t know is…they love to hear ‘bad things` about other girls. And it is this weakness that we men have to use to our advantage.

Here is one recent conversation between my wife and me.

Situation: We are waiting in front of Satyam Complex, a theatre in Chennai and I spot a very pretty girl. A real stunner. In short, she was to girls what I am to men.

“Rekha, check out that girl. Do you think she is color blind…look at her clothes.”

“Why they are not so bad,” a suspicious Rekha retorts.

The trick lies in sounding as honest as possible.

“I mean, why would anybody want to wear purple with black?” I argue. All this while I am staring right at her..and with full knowledge of my wife.

“That`s not purple..that is sky-blue.” She looks at me.

For a brief moment, I look at Rekha …stare right into her eyes and say…”Look at you..the beige goes so well with your brown trousers. That is what I would call a killer combo.”

“Well…yeah…” Rekha doesn`t complete the sentence.

By now the girl`s boyfriend has come and they have left the scene. I am also done.

The whole idea is to spot the girl first and then discuss about her with your wife/girl friend. That will give you enough time to stare.

Incase your girl spots a pretty girl first…just let go. React only if you spot the girl first. I say this because…as soon as our wives and girl friends spot a pretty girl…they invariably turn towards us (without our knowledge of course) and see if we are staring. This is the time for you to build/gain her confidence. If this is repeated a few times…you will gain her confidence…and life will take a turn for the better.

One word of caution is never let down your wife/girl friend. Your wife could be one sack-ful of rice…but never bring that up.

Also while talking of the target, don`t go overboard with statements like “She is not pretty at all,” or “I hate her dress” or “Look at her hairstyle..it sucks.” I warn you because…girls know when we are lying and when we don`t. Keep your comments straight and simple.

Here are a few statements you should not use to attract your wife/girl friend`s attention to the pretty girl you want to stare at –

– You think she should get a better tailor? Her churidhaar is too tight.
– Nice heels..makes her look good from behind.
– Where did she get that tight T-shirt from?
– Do you think she is taller that I am?
– What do you think would be her mobile number?
– Would you want me to get her mobile number for you?
– Wonder where she stays.
– You think your marriage saree would suit her?