Books – Gone in 60 seconds

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
– Dorothy Parker (1893 – 1967)

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
– Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)

My father always believed that books were man`s best friend. Perhaps that`s why over the years, I have been stealing ‘best friends` of many of my best friends and today own a library of my own.

Don`t give my photo on top of this page that look. That is, if you haven`t already spat on it yet.

Stealing books is not a crime. Have you ever heard of any body going to jail because he/she stole a book? It is only those who can`t keep a good book that go to jail (think account books, here).

From my kindergarten I have had a love for books.  I even remember once stealing my uncle`s PlayBoy. I was in class three back then. I know a PlayBoy is a magazine – but you can`t blame a kindergarten kid for not knowing that…or can you?

In school, my love for books reached a frenzy and I started stealing from the Library. By the time I was in class five, I was the literary World`s ‘Jack the Ripper’. I was so good at the art that my principal once asked me to steal the book titled My Experiments with Truth because his son`s class assignment was on Gandhi Ji.

When I reached college, I was getting free lance assignments from parents who couldn`t  buy their kids costly, limited edition books. I was their book man in shining amour….somebody like a Superman. Just that I didn`t wear a cape around my neck…and didn`t wear my undies over my trousers.

My fame spread far and wide and it was around this time that I got a call from the Research & Analysis Wing (RAW – the CIA equivalent in India). They wanted me to steal a book written by Sonia Gandhi titled: How to spot an intelligent Sardar. You probably wonder: “When was this book published?” I totally understand, for the book was never made available for mere mortals.

Over the years, I have matured to be an excellent book stealer. Market forces have helped me graduate from books to manuscripts to screenplays. Last time, Karan Johar approached me and said he knew a young, talented man who had written a great story called Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. He wanted me to steal the screenplay and give it to him. I somehow messed up – I forgot to pick up the last five chapters (the climax). Don`t believe me? Try watching the movie with a straight face, after interval. 

Getting back to the library I have at home, drop in sometime to take a look. One request though – don`t borrow my new books. Didn`t one famous dude once say: “Most new books are forgotten, especially by people who borrow it!”

10 thoughts on “Books – Gone in 60 seconds

  1. Books when come to human contact have helped the mankind always. The costly pillow, driving away mosquitos, covering faces in train while sleeping(i.e. hearing the gossips of fellow couples/singles). Irrespective of your looks at least you will get a question, what book is that ? that is difficult if you are holding a kilo of potatos. Thicker is the book and smaller its size better are chances you get a dignified look. Why you think all the bookstalls gets vacated at railway stations and airports (ports are in air?).

    But Jimmy, why do you have to steal man. I heard in IT FIELD everyone receives LOTS of Money through the Computer. Oh, Your Wife might be sitting in that Computer. But Womens heart is a clean Book. And Women is anti-thesis to Man’s Money. So Clean Book & Man’s Money are reversely related. So where we go… Dirty Books..

  2. Sunny: Congrats you have just entered the Limca Book of World records for the longest comment ever in a blog. Man …but for a few words, your commment was as long and meaningful as my post!

    Seriously, you also seem to have loads of humor in yourself – why not start a blog? Every Tom, Dick and Harry is doing it.

  3. Some one nicly said “A Room Without a Books is like a body without a soul”. So actually Jammy you are stealing soul not books. No one has ever punished for stealing books but what about Soul?? Nicely written and Sunny’s comment was icing on cake.

  4. jv.rajan
    Thanks. Ask all your visitors to congratulate me for “Limca book..” by gifting me a Limca, not Limca Book. I always miss that drink of DD1 Mahabharat watching days.
    Tom, Dick & Harry have started a blog?. I heard they were shooting a movie and now working in their own hotel in marine drive to recover money.

    Yes, I heard GOD has made his own portal & Blog. When not in direct contact he asks everyone to visit http://www.god.in/us/pk/ depending on the location of the client. He has got toll free number & online chat help as well. Please forward if anyone has that details.

    Anyway what JV stands for ?.. Jeevan Veema Rajan was our village LIC agent whom the most dreaded terrorists (naxalites) were afraid of since he wanted to insure even the dead. Now he is missing. Reliable sources told me he is good at computers and doing something related to computers in some big city. Don’t know..

    Rakesh Bhandari: I want the Cake Part, you take away the icing part, if it is not ice cream.

  5. Rakesh Bhandari: Agree about the soul thing. Now that we agree that a Room Without a Book is like a body without a soul, what do we call the person who has a small room in the city and sells books by the dozen? Whole Soul Dealer?

  6. Sunny: Believe me mate…you should get into blogging. People who can’t write are into it…I am sure you can make a killing.

    If you can’t take the trouble…keep mailing me such pieces…I can also have a contributor’s page. What say? Seriously, those are some really good thoughts involving lateral thinking!

  7. Your stealing books article reminds me of an oft quoted Arabic proverb: “He who lends a book is an idiot. He who returns the book is more of an idiot”.

    Meanwhile, nice stuff. Will check occasionally.

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