Celebrating my birthday in style

The blog post is being written after attaining permission from Priyanka Khattri, a 22 year girl from Pune (now working in Delhi), whom I met up on my birthday. After I had initiated a search for β€˜the birthday partner,` Priyanka had responded via mail. Don`t go googling for Priyanka Khattri because, the first name has been changed on request.

She being the only person who was in Delhi and was also willing to meet up, we agreed to meet at DT Mall in Gurgaon. The meet up time was to be 12.30 p.m. and we were to go for lunch.

I gave my car cleaner Rs 50 and told him that I had an important meeting and wanted the car shining from both inside and outside. While my car was being washed, I also took bath (I generally do), put on my costliest T-shirt & got into my only blue jeans.

“I am about to leave my house. Where in DT Mall will I find you?”

“You will find me waiting in my Honda City, just outside DT Mall. If you are fine, I would rather have my lunch outside somewhere.” She sure sounded like a woman that knows what she wanted. As it always happens with me, when a woman is involved, I agree.

I called her again after five minutes. “A grey colored Honda city, you said?” I asked.

“Yes. Why?” She responded.

“Cool. Will keep an eye for your car. Meanwhile, you look out for a white colored Honda CRV. My driver will drop me and take it for servicing.” How could I tell her that I would be coming in a battered Suzuki Swift. She didn`t catch the bit about servicing…I might as well have told her that the driver would take my stud car for his breeding sessions.

I reached the DT Mall, parked my car in the basement, ran outside…gathered my breath and started walking towards her car. I noticed her checking herself out in the vanity mirror.

“So, I have a reputation”, I told myself even as I opened the front-passenger seat`s door.

“Hey, Jammy here!”

“I know. I am Priyanka Khattri. I am a major fan of yours and thought what better opportunity than this to meet you.”

“Cool. Lunch then?”

I suggested F Bar. She was adamant on authentic Indian food…and decided that we should be going to Punjabi By Nature. You don`t need to be married for one person to take decisions for the two of you. She definitely looked (and sounded) like someone who knew what she wanted. This would make my job easier…I just had to do what she wanted me to do.

As she started her car, I started studying her. She was stunningly pretty – more than what I had bargained for. She was wearing a black & white printed top and a sort-of blackish skirt that ended just above her knees. She had a black & white leather bag with her.

Her legs from the knees down were exposed, but the shadows inside the car (of the steering wheel, dashboard etc…do we really need them in the car?) stopped my eyes, which were hell bent on proving that Ferdinand Magellan wasn`t the biggest wanderer in history.

We reached “Panjabi By Nature” in ten minutes flat. She definitely was a fast girl.

The “A quite corner for two, please” she said to the usher is still ringing in my ears. The words came out so sweetly that had I been the usher, I would have emptied the whole restaurant….just for her.

As all men, I slouched on the chair the moment the waiter lead us to one.

“Do you mind, if I freshen-up?”

While I wanted to say, “Sure darling. Anything that will make my day,” I ended up saying, “Why do you need to freshen up? Did you just harvest some maize?”

Being a city bred girl, she didn`t get the joke about hard labour. I had to cover it up by saying: “I was just joking…go ahead. I will wait.”

——————–X—————-X———————–

She came back after ten minutes. There definitely was a difference. Ohh…I got it…she has worked on her lips…she now had lipstick. For a while my mind raced ahead of time…it raced into the future where LK Advani finally does become the Prime Minister of India, where Salman Khan finally looks old and Shilpa Shetty finally announces that she has a boy friend. Just that in the future that I saw, Priyanka and were I sitting next to each other and I was trying to help her clean up the small lip stick smudge she had on her lower lip. Thankfully, with my fingers. Gosh!

“So what do you want to eat?” Her question brought me back to Punjabi By Nature.

“Anything except Noodles.” Read here why I hate noodles

Anyway, after one hour we were done with our lunch. As luck would have it…it was my birthday…and I had to foot the bill.

As we were walking out, I asked: “So, what is your plan? When do you have to be back?”

She laughed and said, “Don`t worry even if I don`t return for the day…it is fine.”

That did scare me a bit. There were so many questions…What will the maid think when she comes home early in morning next day? What will the neighbours think when she insists on some fresh air in the balcony? Does she snore? If yes…will the neighbours think Rekha was back?

“Priyanka, how about a movie?”

“Nah…I hate movies.”

“Priyanka, how about a drive?”

“This is no Goa or Kerala…where a drive can be fun.”

“Hmm…how about a coffee shop?”

“I hate coffee shop!”

What was this girl hinting at? I just couldn`t fathom. After a bit of persuasion, it was decided that we will drive around the β€˜beautifully` city of Gurgaon till we agree on a course of action.

There was a long silence as she focused on the road (her car being better, she had decided that I park my car in the basement of DT Mall). Then she blurted out: “Hey! How about going to your house? We could watch IPL cricket highlights?”

I took my time to respond. “I know a mall which telecasts IPL highlights…would you want to try that?”

“Nahh…I hate crowds.”

“Ok…fine, lets go home. Take the next right.” I gave in. Being a man, it was difficult to resist.

“Great! I have a headache. Can I just stop at the next medical store and get a disprin?” OK…first she says she wants to come home…and now she is already preparing for the β€˜headache trick`. As if…

She spent a lot of time in the medical store, while I waited in the car. She showed me the disprin once she was back. But I noticed a bulge in her skirt pocket, which wasn`t there when she left the car.

We reached my house in Sector 56, Gurgaon. As luck would have it, we only have AC & TV in the bedroom…so that was the room where we settled down.

One thing lead to another and pretty soon I got to unwrap my birthday present.

——————–X—————-X———————–

And then, she came back from the washroom.

“Jammy?”…………. “Jammy?”……….. “Jammy?”

“Yeah?”

“You fine, Jammy?”

“Yeah…yeah…”

“I will have to go soon…my boy friend will be at the DT mall by 3 p……can we quickly order.”

“Sure.”

For vanity sake, I told her that I myself had another date lined up for 3 p.m…..but she somehow didn`t think much of it.

Being a humor blogger isn`t funny.

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# How babies come into this World…
# Packing ….only to unpack
# When I wanted to become a suicide bomber
# How to avoid hangovers

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28 thoughts on “Celebrating my birthday in style

  1. Hahaha!
    So much for getting yourself and your car shining from both inside and outside. I can imagine what the disprin was for. Your sore toe I suppose πŸ˜€
    Fantastic.

  2. I can think of at least 5-6 different things immediately as to what might have happened in the bedroom, none of which are even remotely romantic.

    In any case, what I d like, and am sure the rest of the readers also would like is a follow up post on what actually happened, just to break the suspense.

    And am quite sure that post will be funnier than anything we could ve imagined.

    Cheers…….Jam

  3. Fantastic Post.

    I was having a real rough day at office, this really cheered me up.

    Dropped in after a long time and its gud to c ur done with that creative block thing.

    Keep it coming πŸ™‚

  4. From whatever little I have known of you, I sure guessed you’re building it all up only to make us fall flat in the end… And what a ‘fall’… Simply fantabulous Jammy boy! My husband will love it πŸ˜‰

  5. In recessionary times looks like you even made went as far as a lunch table with a girl who came in a Honda city !

    Man. Thats some place. Truly some place !

    πŸ™‚

  6. Jammy,

    Your fans (posting comments) are more humorous than yourself!

    It appears many didn’t get the cut from the restaurant table to your thoughts and cut back to Restaurant table!

    A fantastic post – reminds me of a story of Tamil Writer Sujatha where in the similar fashion he narrates a flight accident.

  7. Such suspense built up and you killed it all. With one phone call? Damn!!!!!

    please tell us there is alternate truth in this story!

  8. OMG!!!!
    My heart breaks for you… πŸ˜›
    What a let-down, eh?
    Still, I enjoyed the post…
    Especially the bit about the disprin and all… ;D

  9. hello sir , this is pravin chavan from kandivali. currently i am studying in third year bachelor of pharmacy at NCRD’S STERLING INSTITUTE OF PHARMACY, nerul, navi mumbai 400706.

    Sir, i am big fan of you since judwaa but one of the best thing i really like about you is your nature, your down earthness, way you enjoy ur life by riding an auto or bicycle is just amazing. i have heard that you are always ready to help anybody who is in need.

    so, i dont think to request you is right or wrong but still m asking you.
    Sir, can you pls help me regarding my fees, my college fees is Rs 71300 and till the date i hv paid only 10000Rs, now i hv 10000Rs more with me, but that’s not enough for the college. so i am heartly requesting you to help me in the above matter by your own way. my economical background is really very poor, i had taken admission to this college against my father’s choice.but now m facing lots of problems still i hv to study bcoz my family needes me a lot, so sir pls pls help me. my contact no-9022930927

    Sir, i will remain thankful to you throghout my life.

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