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Fourth free birthday gift
I always wanted to be somebody in life. Somebody big and famous…somebody people rushed to meet…somebody people wrote to…basically somebody big. But I guess I should have been more specific in my prayers for God made me a funny blogger. Barring a few incidents here and there (mostly with credit card companies where I had failed to re-pay the dues), no one chased me.
There were a few mails from here and there but they were all from 60 years-plus-old-men & women, who when the newspapers didn`t publish their Letters to the Editor, wrote to me. It was their revenge towards the Times of Indias, The Hindustan Times & The Hindus (Sometimes, I wonder why we don`t have a newspaper called – The Muslims!).
It was during one such summer that I received a mail from a Gurgaon girl asking for blog post dedicated to her on her birthday. Over the next three years these requests would continue and lead to three different blog posts – all on her birthday, Jan 31 (I can`t give you the year…but its 20th century for sure). Here are the posts:
2006 – A Birthday Post for Himani Sahni
2007 – And then, one year flew by
2008 – Third, Free Birthday Post
If you are a girl, you are probably wondering how a girl can get in touch with a complete stranger…that too online? Trust me it is safer than going to a pub in Mangalore. If you are a gentleman, you are probably wondering, “Wow…Jammy is so lucky. Girls contact him.”
Not really. You probably think being a humor blogger is great. Perhaps, I have to tell you what happened when we this Gurgaon girl and I first met – in Kentucky Friend Chicken, Gurgaon. Mind you, I hadn`t seen her before and she had only seen pictures of mine taken when I was young and dare I add, handsome.
“Hey, I am looking for an amateur humor blogger. And you look like one….no offence…ok…just checking if you are the blogger I am supposed to meet.”
“I am sorry. Don`t think I am the person you looking for. I am not an amateur.” An indignant me responded.
“You sure seem like you would be 165 cms tall. Can you stand up?”
“Hey listen girl…nobody measures me. Why don`t you wait for this stupid amateur blogger to turn up and leave me alone.”
We both waited for an hour before better sense prevailed and I walked up to her and said, “So, what is this amateur humor blogger`s url?”
“Ouchmytoe.com…why do you ask?”
Anyway, the point is…being a humor blogger isn`t great. You get insulted at every sentence of yours. It is like being a Himesh Reshammiya – kids, women & men make fun of you knowing fully well that you have been giving only hits!
Anyway, so this Gurgaon girl, who is now married and stays in Mumbai called me a few days back and said: “Hope you haven`t forgotten that my birthday is coming up.”
“Who is this and when is your birthday?” I fingered my glasses higher up my nose bridge.
“Jan 31…remember?”
“Ohh yeah. But you definitely don`t sound like Justin Timberlake!”
(Just in case you didn`t know Justin Timberlake celebrates his birthday on Jan 31 – of every year)
Finally, I recognized the voice and told her that I won`t be able to write a blog post on her birthday. I tried to reason out – wouldn`t a fourth post on a single girl upset the other ladies reading this blog? Moreover, she was now married and I had to tread carefully.
“Ohh come on. This would only mean more publicity. My husband would also read and he would also forward the post to his friends – more publicity!”
Before I kept the phone down, I did manage to tell her that I didn`t consider my obituary appearing in the newspaper as publicity.
The determined girl called me again.
“I want you to write a blog post on me, on my birthday – I have so gotten used to it in the last three years!”
I tried to explain it to her that she was being unreasonable. When my persuasion skills failed, I tried to use a story that always works: “Dear girl…you can`t always hope for everything in life. When I was a kid….I wanted to own a nice set of Reebok shoes….my father couldn`t afford it…and naturally I was really frustrated. It was then, that I saw a man without legs…and realized that while I was worried about not having Reebok shoes for my feet…there were people who didn`t have feet to wear shoes.”
Without batting an eye lid, she shouted over the phone: “But if he didn`t have feet to wear shoes…you could have borrowed his shoes. What use were they to him, anyway?”
So, ladies & gentlemen…here goes the forth free birthday post – with the promise that this will be the last one. As I said earlier…I don`t want free publicity.
More Funny Birthday Posts
# Today is my 33rd happy birthday
# Today is my ‘happy` birthday – 2007
# Rekha`s birthday – the best ever
# Celebrating birthday economy class
# It is my Happy Birthday today – 2006
Posted by 17 Responses to Fourth free birthday gift
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ananya
February 1, 2009 at 6:21 am
who is this girl anyway. can we see her?
Elithraniel Arawion
February 1, 2009 at 11:44 pm
ROTFL… nice post
write one for me for my b’day too 
s4n705h
February 2, 2009 at 12:27 am
Time flies surely. I remember reading your blog and her second free post. its already 4th. Isn’t it a sad that a blogger for more than 5 year is called amateur. BTW happy belated birthday HIMANI.
perturbed perceiver
February 2, 2009 at 10:03 pm
LOL!nice post!
now even i want a post on my bday!!!
Saravanan
February 3, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Her birthday was on 31st Jan and you post an article on 1st Feb.. Poor she and her hubby.. They must be really very sad and they would have felt left out..
Sudha
February 3, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Hi.. I have been reading your blogs often. This is the first time i am leaving a message. Your post is really humours.
Bye
Sudha
kiran
February 8, 2009 at 11:35 am
hello! really enjoy reading your blog. Can you please blog on what you think is the right age gap for couples. i have been very confused regarding this issue and have been asking people randomly. Thank you!
Soham Das
February 9, 2009 at 1:07 am
@Santosh
Doesn’t her name sound like some detergent powder brand? Well, Jammy knows it, he has been whitewashed (and brainwashed) for this post!
Soham
Sathya
February 9, 2009 at 6:10 pm
good one Jammy! and Belated Birthday wishes to Himani!!!
p.a.
February 10, 2009 at 12:42 pm
boring stuff… yawn
NK
February 11, 2009 at 4:04 pm
hey that means 4 years since i m reading omt… u rocking raj..
wish u a very happy birthday today n always himani
WrongOne
February 12, 2009 at 12:39 am
I also had the honor of getting a dedicated post. Thanks again Jammy.
http://ouchmytoe.com/archives/2006/01/06/thirty-year-olds/
prospero
February 17, 2009 at 3:52 am
very nice ! i like it a lot
sscribbles
February 19, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Hey jammy, stumbled on your blog from a google search.A good accident, loved going through a coupld of posts.
kusublakki
February 21, 2009 at 2:53 am
Hillarious post!! I’m now reading some of your older posts…nice blog!
Jyoti A R
February 21, 2009 at 3:56 pm
LOL..Write one on my birthday too..But, sigh..
its over..Jan 21st..Next year I wil bug u till death [:P]
I had fun readin ur posts..keep it up..[:)]
Ammu
March 3, 2009 at 1:44 am
So, does this mean that if I ask nicely, you’ll write a blog for my bday?……pretty please