God has his own problems

Don`t believe me? Just re-run your prayers before God, in the last one-week and you would realize the kind of trouble he/she is in. His/her stocks rise and fall at the Bombay Stock exchange, depending on how good a day we have had.

Today morning, after my bath I found myself facing all the deities (for convenience sake, let us assume that there is one God) displayed in my house and requesting him/her for a black Mercedes Benz by the time I turn 40, a healthy son and a daughter, a successful book launch and a law-abiding citizen for a wife.

Mind you, this is not an easy prayer to full-fill. If a simpleton like me could have such a prayer, imagine the psychos.

What would a typical psycho`s prayer be? Here is a sample –
“Dear Lord, today I am planning to slice a lady`s throat. Please ensure there is no policeman is around, and even if there is one let him be a traffic policeman. After that I intend to escape on my Yamaha. Please let me not encounter a flat tire while rushing away from the spot, and even if I do get a flat and get arrested…I pray that I don`t get a death sentence.”

Here is a sixth standard student`s prayer –

“Dear God, I hope the Maths teacher doesn`t come to school today. Even if she comes, I hope she doesn`t ask me any questions. I pray that Babloo-the-Bully is sick and cannot come to school. On second thoughts, why don`t you organize for some rain, so that there is no school? Tomorrow, India will be playing Pakistan…please give me a toothache. Please God, make sure I suffer from something good enough to hold me back, and watch cricket on TV.

Here is a college student`s prayer (hope they still pray….we used to, but those were the 90s) –

Man…I need that girl. She is hot. Hey…Vishnu dude…you got to believe me. She is just like that babe standing next to you…what do you call her? Laaks? I have got the hots for this girl called Anamika…cannot you do something so that she comes right after me? Ok cool..here is a deal. Agreed Anamika is too cool for me. How about fixing me up with Pratima?

Here is an IT professional`s prayer –

Hey Dude (that`s the way they address God)…please ensure that my Project Leader gets another job, and leaves this shit-hole so that I can become a PL soon. Also, that Rakesh has got his US Visa…why don`t you arrange one for me? Please. I need to go to the US…everybody in my team has already been there at least once. And bought back good stuff too.

My prayers have always bordered on the extremes…evolving with time. And I am sure; they are the same for you too. But some prayers never change…like the one where I ask for a life-partner who would listen to me.

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