How to bring traffic to your Blog

I read Kiruba`s ‘How to increase your Blog Traffic`…pretty neat stuff. He should know, for he is the top Blogger according to BlogStreet. He is a good friend of mine…at least he was when I began writing this post.

Here is what I (notice that I is in Bold) think will get you more traffic –

Put Up Your Picture
If you happen to be as handsome as I am, you should put up your photograph on the Blog. Suggest you take the picture from the best angle. Not from where your huge tobacco-stained teeth show…and definitely not from the angle where girls will be able to see pakoda-nose. If possible, apply some gel and let some strands on your forehead. Will give you that romantic look. If you don`t know what I am talking of …see the top let corner of this page.

Write About Your Wife
Everybody in the World has worries. As a result they like to read about somebody else`s worries…like when my wife used forceps to pull out my nails or when she poured hot water on my feet when I ask for new pair of socks. So write about your worries…crib…stomp…puke…do whatever but never ever write anything positive.

Book your own domain
Yes…I would say that. Book domains like www.sexy.com, www.naked.com or www.porn.com and then redirect them to your Blog. I can assure you…your hits would go up in no time. Who knows the men visiting your site might also end up reading some of your posts.

Get Your Custom e-mail
Here again, I agree with Kiruba. The traffic to your site increase when people realize that you actually have a site. But wonder why my custom e-mail id did not work. Perhaps, it was too long…jamshedvelayudarajan@jamshedvelayudarajan.com

Add Meta Tags
I added Meta tags to my site and in no time the search engines started throwing me up all over the place – as if I were some dosa had in the morning. Here are some of the Meta Tags I have added: Sexy babe, Mallika Sherawat, Jism, Kareena Kapoor and Shahid kapoor, DPS MMS, Paris Hilton, Anna Kournikova, Pamela Anderson etc.

Make your site look Orange
Change your website`s look and feel to Orange…the color of life. Now you know why when it is sunrise…the sky is orange. It is the only color that comes from a fruit…Orange. There is no fruit called red, yellow, green or black…and naturally… none of these colors come from a fruit. Once you make your site orange, all those people who are in the pink of their health will come to your site…and anyways if they don`t come you can beat them black and blue…till they lie in hospital bed looking all yellow.

Comment on Other Sites
I would say go ahead…and comment all you can. Initially that trick did not work…and nobody came to my Blog. Then I understood a surefire method to boost traffic…I started leaving messages like “You are a sucker!”, “Hey…dirt bag…care to chase me?”, “Hey sack of shit..want a one-on-one…come to my blog”, “A*&hole…how about being decent in your posts?” As you all know….now many visit my blog.