Looking for a house in Gurgaon

I have been searching for a house in Gurgaon for the whole of last week.

While searching for my abode, I have been made to dwell and eventually believe that in Gurgaon…there are no quarters taken and no given. Perhaps that`s why in the last couple of days I have accommodated a third man (my real estate broker) in my life. I have been so accommodative that the broker has found a permanent residence in me – like a Hanuman inside Ram.

If only you had been a little alert you would have noticed that I have been thinking of ‘house` even while typing the last paragraph. Check out some of the words used in the last para – abode, dwell, quarters, accommodated, and residence!

In the last one week, I have realized why the real estate agents are called ‘Brokers` – because they break your confidence. And since you realize the truth only after the deed (not the house deed, stupid) is done, you refer to them in past tense – “brokers”.

The good thing about joining a start-up is that most of your colleagues are starting off too. Tarun – my colleague – has just finished flirting with the brokers. The man from Ambala has been my guide in my mouse…eerrr…house hunt.

I have been as careful as a Florence Nightingale going to fight the plague (I know Nightingale didn`t fight plague!) but still haven`t met success.

“Can I be harsh and mean with the brokers?” I asked Tarun.

“These guys will show you a finger and walk off,” he responded and continued banging on his keyboard.

“If they are such compulsive show offs, why don`t they show me a house and walk off? I can save on the broker charges.” The innocent Jammy questioned.

Apparently, curiosity doesn`t help in real world and all I got from Tarun was a stare and a sharp pencil thrown at me.

Free stationary at office is a real boon,
It turns everybody into a goon.

– Jammy, Bard of Oven (or was that Bard of Avon?)

As I was saying, the brokers have made my life miserable. When I came to Gurgaon, Rekha and I had decided we would take up a house for Rs 15,000/- per month. Now, our budget is beyond the clouds (at Rs 18,000 per month) and we are still looking.

It is not that I just engaged the brokers and didn`t any hard work myself. So far I have seen four houses.

It is not that I didn`t like any of the four houses, I liked one. Just that the broker showing me the house described each room in such a way that I was emotionally scarred for life.

Here are the words used to describe each room, being produced verbatim –

Living Room – “Sir jee, a big living room. If you don`t want your colleagues to be coming home, but can`t refuse…you can send them off from this room itself. Besides, it is airy enough to be slept in on fight-with-your-wife days.”

Bedroom – “You are saying you have a kid…then why do you require a bedroom sir? I am married and have a kid…trust me…those good old days are gone. What if this bedroom is small…I am sure you are not going to play hide and seek here…or are you?”

Study Room – “Sir, this is that peaceful corner that I would prefer when my in-laws are visiting. On an average how long do your in-laws stay per visit? I heard durations are longer when the in-laws come in from far off places…like Kerala for example? Is that true?”

Washroom – “Sir, pleag don`t get me wrong…but I heard you talking to your wife. Looks like you don`t have the permission to smoke in your house. That`s why I think you are going to love this washroom….its got a ventilator too, so that you don`t choke in the smoke.” (I didn`t tell him, that one can never choke on one`s joke…and one`s smoke. Poetic huh?).

Kitchen – “Sir jee, don`t even bother. It is like a gamble…your wife might like it or not. But will that change your life in anyway? No na?”

Servant`s Quarters – “Sir, koi miss-trez hai kya aapke paas? Make her your servant and she will serve you like a King. Imagine having your own sweet little harem!”

The broker`s utility description of the servant quarters was where I snapped. I couldn`t take it any longer…I was now pissed…and walked away. How could he even think that I would make Priyanka a servant?

By the way, my wife Rekha is celebrating her birthday tomorrow (July 5)…any CHEAP gift ideas?

Other Funny Reads

When I became a cockroach
Funny Read: Sardarni`s letter to her son
When I was no longer ‘cute` for the women
Jammy gets exposed!
Making full use of the bath tub

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12 thoughts on “Looking for a house in Gurgaon

  1. Just Rolling down Man! Good One! Aaah! and for Rekha’s B’day… just call up and wish her… tell her you have gifted yourself and have nothing more precious to give…:) ( Did you not tell us once that Rekha doesnt have I/Net connection? Pls. dont allow her to read this comment!)

  2. :))..loved the play on words with “house”, brokers..I have stayed in Noida before..not very different from gurgaon..but,you got to get used to seeing samosas and jalebis for breakfast!!..funny post this one!

  3. My advice try some website like magicbrisk and stuff. you may find something there.

    The best giftfor rekha would be telling her that you got a house to stay in which comes a free supply of a SOuth indian cook!!!

    BTW!! Who is priyanka??

  4. First of all….
    B’day wishes to Rekha chechi….
    Cheap gift????

    I think she already got the most cheapest gift, in the form of a husband…. Lol… :p

    No offense buddy…

  5. hey man !,

    Gurgaon happens to be my home town, even though am settled in chennai fr last 10 years. And i hv gone thru this grind of locating rental and then purchase property during mid 90’s in GGN.

    You hv to be thick and aggressive in DLI / GGN area & show yu mean business. Unfortunately, all the yuppies earning big salaries and smart talking abt professional, straight dealing and all hv not impressed the street smart “farmer turned property agents”.

    In fact the DLI women can deal much better with these thoughies than soft, decent, speaking-openly-what-is-on-yr-mind guys fm other regions.

    OK , heres some tips………

    1.
    Never reveal what you can actually settle for………

    2.
    Almost never show yr happiness, when you like something… say its oooooookayyyyyyyyyy……

    3.
    Maintain smart demeanour and hard negotiation stance, even though you hv no clue whats going around…….. these guys can “read” you & me in secons – never mind their english or ettiquetes….

    4.
    I ws always able to reduce the commission to 15 – 20 days in my time. I dnt know abt todays scenario. Must say, here in chennai & BLR, property dealers hv never never even entertained this idea in my six odd rental dealings.

    And last………….

    whatever you may be going thru now…….. you will come out of it a much smarter stree wise guy, something the MNCs and power poin presentations can never prepare you for……….

    Bye the way, i still miss my days there, with all the dust and aggro attitude around – the city hs a very strong vibrations….

    And once you know how to play the ball – the city will never leave you…….

  6. cheap gift ideas>? give her a kiss..
    i did it for my girl’s last birthday and she talked with me only after a month.( guess she was floored by my kiss)

  7. Pour les 9 premiers mois de lâannee, le chiffre dâaffaires des echanges commerciaux entre les deux pays sâeleve a 80 millions de dollars, accusant une hausse de 20 % pour les exportations bulgares vers Israel et de 10 % des importations en provenance dâIsrael. (BTA).

  8. i begin my life in gurgaon yahan jo kisi kam ke kabil na ho broker ban jata hai but th way u xpresd ur DARD in this convaersation IS RELLY NICE ND I SUGGEST CONTROL UR EMOTIONS COZ U NEED 2 FACE THIS KIND OF MKTNG SO MANY TIMES IF UR THEER IN THIS CITY

  9. oh dear..sounds tougher than I thought. Gurgaon is no longer a cheap option to living in Delhi…I see this is an old post so I assume you have settled in by now. Reading through your posts..nice..interesting..

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