Standard’s Poor in United States

Apparently Standard & Poor’s has downgraded United States top-tier credit rating from AAA to AA-Plus. I agree that does sound like a battery size….but let me assure you that it isn’t battery sizes that we talking about.

Before we get into the whys and hows let me tell you that I am very upset with Standard & Poor’s. I mean, what kind of a name is this? Don’t people think before naming their companies? Thank God, they didn’t name it ‘Poor Standards’ or ‘Standard’s Poor’.

Personally, I feel a tad upset that United States has had to see this day. When I was growing up, US was the place everyone wanted to go and work in. Now, Tihar Jail is a much-preferred option…but back in those days it was the great big land of dreams & opportunities – United States.

Whenever relatives came home my parents would ask me to perform. And in between Sholay’s Gabbar Singh enactment & Shivaji Ganeshan’s walk they always asked me this question as a filler “So, what will you become when you grow up?”.

My parents had already tutored me. I had been told that becoming a Doctor or an Engineer was passé…to hold a green card in one’s hand was the in-thing.

I would swell up my chest, raise my chin high, spread my arms and rest them on my hips and proudly announce to the World, as if I were Alexander The Great standing on a hilltop and surveying his Army….I would say: “I will become a green card holder.”

My this announcement would be followed by claps and shouts of “Bravo.” This would swell my chest further only to end in bouts of coughing and heavy breathing.

It has been 25+ years now, and since this happened for the first time I have been trying to become a green card holder. With this dip in rating all my dreams have gone wasted. My guess is that I will never be able to hold a green card now.

I am shocked. Devastated. Not because I missed the green card, but I just can’t digest the fact that United States just kept on borrowing for the last 50 years? And never bothered to repay? And they thought they could get away with it? Living in Gurgaon, this sounds very familiar to me. If India is the Global equivalent of a South Indian (more specifically a Madrasi, a little shy of debts)….I would say United States is the Punjabi equivalent. Live for today even if it means accumulating debt.

But Punjabis have a way of maintaining their lifestyle however tough it may seem inside of the house (with the loan-givers banging on the doors). I don’t think that is possible with the US Citizens. Their lifestyles will get affected, the benefits that they so took for granted will taper down and debt will be available at higher interest – if a country can lose its good credit rating, how long will it take for an individual to lose it?

But before all of this will happen, the Blamocracy will kick in first. I wouldn’t be surprised if the United States Government gives Standard & Poor’s an ‘FO’ Rating. Where ‘FO’ stands for Fuck Off.

I have to give a good pat on the hairless Chinese back….after all, they were waiting for this moment – heaping loan upon loan to the US and waiting for it to buckle one day. In hind sight, I wonder….whenever United States would censure China by saying:

“China, you are NOT sticking to the human rights rule book in Tibet. You are torturing the people there. Be careful…we are the World Police.”

Did China reply with a: “Yeah Right! First payback all the loan and then we talk of human rights!”

You can’t be in the Police department & take loans from the Mafia. Can you? (Note: Reference to China as Mafia is only to prove a point. I have started having high regards for them after their this coup)

At this rate, I think soon the Chinese red flag might be flying on the White House. Good color combination for sure. You know what surprises me… How did those Mayans get it down to the year? Were the Mayans Americans? They correctly predicted the World ending for the Americans! (Don’t know the Mayan prediction, read about it here)

Besides the people of America & the politicians of America, I would also credit Osama Bin Laden for bringing about the doom of US. Which brings us to why US triggered all the wars and that too on loan? I mean, if I had to furnish my mistress’s house I wouldn’t loan the money from my wife. (Note: Reference to China as Wife is not a derogatory attempt. Chinese intelligence, if you are reading this please note that you have a huge fan in me).

America didn’t seem to have learnt from the country it took over from – The British Empire – as the most powerful country in the World. The British Empire collapsed because it was engrossed in too many wars. Same has happened to the great United States of America – the Vietnam War, Iraq War, the Afghanistan War – not to mention Star Trek Wars. In case you didn’t know the Star Trek Wars were fought way up in the sky and lead by General James T Kirk. Just so you are aware how pompous the Americans are….this war was telecast live on television in six parts.

Sometime back ex-President of United States Bill Clinton, who left the White House with a bit of a stain on his character and a bigger stain on an intern’s skirt had said: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.” Considering the current circumstances, I would like to change that a bit. I would say: “There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is left with America.”

What will happen to United States now, you ask. Well…I don’t have an answer. John Updike said 40 years back itself that “America was a huge conspiracy to keep the Americans happy” Well…not for long, John. Over the next 20-30 years we will see Indians taking Malaria shots before entering United States. Amen, to that!

PS: I wonder if Columbus should have just kept quite after discovering America. We wouldn’t have had to see this day.


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