The Mythology nobody wanted you to know

Why Ganesha has an elephant head

Ganesh used to be a happy go lucky teenager when one day Shiva and Parvati asked him to find his own apartment. At first Ganesha refused but when Shiva and Parvati insisted that they wanted to live a retired life and might even go on a around-the-world voyage Ganesha agreed. As a first step, Ganesha picked up his mobile and went thro’ his contacts – just in case you didn’t know Ganesha had always thought he wasn’t as handsome as Lord Shiva, his father. You could perhaps say that under the shadow of his over-achieving father he had grown up with a huge inferiority complex.

Maybe, that’s why he didn’t call up the more handsome of his college mates –Lord Rama & God Kubera. He called up his college-mate Hanuman, the monkey God, and asked him if they could share the room & its rent but Hanuman refused saying he needed some privacy because he was finally – after a few 1000 years – getting into a meaningful relationship with a girl. With nowhere to go, Ganesha picked up his Samsonite trolley and got out of his parents house. He left his stake-board back in his parent’s house because he knew that the jungle wouldn’t be a good place to try it.

As he traveled thro’ the jungle looking for a place to stay he met many brokers, but their broker fee was way too high for a jobless Ganesha to afford. He kept traveling thro’ the jungle. That’s when he met Appu the elephant….a budding athlete in his own way.

Appu and Ganesha became the best of friends and started to live together. During this time, Appu introduced Ganesha to the local beauty surgeon, who said he could help improve Ganesha’s looks. During the initial discussions the surgeon realized that Ganesha was in awe of Appu’s looks and goaded Ganesha to speak to Appu about being the donor.

Initially Appu refused, but when given the option of being etched in the sporting history by becoming the mascot of the first Asian Games, he relented. He agreed on the condition that Ganesha will ensure that the Indian Olympic Committee approves him as the mascot.

Rest as they say is history. Appu died being a donor. Ganesha got his face lift & his confidence.

Ganesha lived up to his word by forcing Jawahar Lal Nehru to use Appu as the first mascot of the Asian Games which were held in 1982 in New Delhi.

Why Shiva has a snake around his neck

Shiva didn’t always have a snake around his neck. Just before he was married he had been dating a girl called Ganga. But as luck would have it, due to family pressure and due to immense wealth in Parvathi’s family….Shiva agreed to tie the knot around Parvathi’s neck. Being the good lady that Ganga was…she distanced herself from Shiva the moment she heard of his marriage with Parvathi.

After two years of marriage – once the honeymoon period was over – Shiva and Parvathi started fighting regularly. After every fight Shiva would feel lonely. On one such occasion he buzzed Ganga on Facebook and they started talking. Ganga was still unmarried and was working with Pepsico Inc in their mineral water bottle wing called Aquafina. Both Shiva and Ganga started spending a lot of time together on Facebook. The old love was re-kindled but both stayed away from saying it out in the open.

All went well till one day Parvathi saw Shiva’s chat transcripts with Ganga. This threw her in a rage. After an all-night argument Shiva apologized and said: “I will do anything that you say. I am really sorry that this happened.”

At this Parvathi handed Shiva a snake and said: “Well then, always wrap around this snake around your neck. His eyes will provide me a video feed and his ears will provide me an audio feed wherever you are.

At first Shiva resisted because this meant the end of his privacy….but even the argument that snakes didn’t have any ears thus audio feed wasn’t possible didn’t cut any ice with Parvathi.

Thus it would be fair to say that the snake around Lord Shiva was the first version of CCTV ever used.

Why Sherawali is always sitting on a Tiger

Sherawali had always been a confidant lady. And as happens with all confidant ladies….there were no men in her life. In case you didn’t know men want less and less troubles in life so shy away from confident women. Needless to say, Sherawali didn’t really have a man in her life till she was well into her forties. The first man who came into her life was Narayan (Nardar in Tamil) who was so self obsessed with himself that he would keep chanting his own name “Narayana” “Narayana” wherever he went. Maybe it was this self-obsession that didn’t allow him to see Sherawali’s confidence and dislike it. After two years in the relationship he finally started having trouble with her confidence levels.

To bring down her confidence levels he hatched a plan. Narayan knew a hacker well from one of the open source conferences he had attended. He called him up: “Whats up, man?”

“How you doing buddy?” The hacker replied. The hacker was really on a high….he had just hacked into Sony servers.

“Need help. I am going to challenge my girl friend Sherawali to a game of Teen Patti…and you have to hack into the online game’s servers and ensure that I win the game.”

“That’s easy. Just SMS me the username with which you will be playing. Also SMS me the ID your girl friend will be using.”

The deal was done. And the date for the challenge was fixed.

Not suspecting anything Sherawali opened up her pink-skinned Mac Pro and logged into her Teen Patti account. Narayan also did the same.

Sherawali asked: “So, what does the loser have to do?”

Narayan replied: “Simple. The loser has to apply Super Glue on their behind and sit on a tiger for 24 hours.”

Sherawali accepted the challenge, and thanks to the hacker lost it too.

Since that day, Sherawali has been sitting on the Tiger. The plan was to sit on a Tiger for only 24 hours….but nobody has found a solution to Super Glue yet. Till this day, she continues to wait for that innovator.

Why Hanuman is Lord Rama’s biggest/best servant

If you know your mythology you would know that as a child Hanuman thought the sun was a bright orange fruit and tried to swallow it. What the mythological stories don’t tell you is that when he tried to swallow the sun, he heard the cries of a girl. Needless to say, since the girl was sitting on the sun…she was hot. The child Hanuman fell for the hot girl immediately. He brought her down and nursed her back to health and like Kamalahassan falling in love with Sri Devi in the Bollywood movie Sadma…Hanuman also fell in love with this girl.

As they grew up, they addressed each other as friend…and it was not what one would call a relationship. In fact, once she had grown up the girl had started showing signs of hating the monkey God.

“Who are you? Just a monkey, after all,” she said much to the disappointment of the monkey God.

That’s when Lord Rama passed by the jungle and in a casual meeting with Hanuman gifted him a Canon SLR camera. Using this camera, Hanuman snapped a photo of his girl friend and pasted it on his chest. Good he discussed on which glue to use with Sherawali before….else he would have also ended up using the Super Glue.

He then stage-managed the whole ripping of his heart drama and showed her photo within his chest. The girl fell for it hook, line & sinker.

Two days later….on a high of having finally attained his girl friend he went to Lord Rama and ripped his chest to show Lord Rama’s photo inside.

Lord Rama said: “”Yeah right! Nice try! And he turned towards Laxman and said: “Laxman, don’t forget to show Hanuman our latest iPhone 4 with dual camera.”

Though Rama didn’t fall for Hanuman’s trick….by being the best servant Lord Rama ever had, Hanuman is trying to repay that debt.

Disclaimer: I am a Hindu and spend 10 minutes every morning after bath praying and 10 minutes meditating – chanting Jai Santosh Ma 108 times.

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22 thoughts on “The Mythology nobody wanted you to know

  1. Hi Jammy,

    I am a follower of all your posts and truly enjoy reading them all. But, this one was not upto the mark. Spent a lot of time reading it till the end and felt as if I wasted time. Wasn’t funny at all. Hope u take this in the right spirit.

    Regards.

  2. idhe maadhiri kevalamaane ezhuthu padikarthu badhale naa thungirukalam… ana nalla pudhu vidhamana sindhanai.try something more better

  3. Jammy, recently began reading your blog. Some of your older stuff is funny. Have to agree with the folks here. THis one way unfunny and off the mark. It was not offensive. Just unfunny. AM sure you can do better. cheers

  4. This post is not even remotely funny, in fact, its insanely lame! Jammy, I have been following you since quite some time. Since past some posts, the quality of your posts has been drastically degrading! Read some of your old post to motivate yourself… We are missing the old Jammy!

  5. thanks guys for the feedback. wow…this post must be really bad for so many of u to not like it. expect something better in next 48 hours 🙂

  6. Man it seems you have a lot of time. Try writing some thing use full rather than these kind of crap. Making fun of god is not funny.

    The only most funny part in the blog is the last sentence.

    “I am a Hindu and spend 10 minutes every morning after bath praying and 10 minutes meditating – chanting Jai Santosh Ma 108 times.”

    LOL. Please stop praying. You don’t deserve it.

  7. nice write up dude. though it was not as funny as your earlier posts, this one is very creative and different.
    I admire you.
    keep up the good work 🙂

  8. Don’t know about the other comments. I really liked the post. Sure, it’s different from your other posts. But that’s what’s refreshing about it, I suppose. And that poor Appu…they probably pulled the con of the century on that poor guy… 🙂

  9. hi, i was a former colleague of Rekha and used to read your blog then. Came around just checking. i loved this one! never mind the mindles comments; irreverance is always faces crinkled eyebrows. and to top it all, this one touches the raw relogious nerve. chill, that does not matter. you rock!

  10. This is an ugly post..
    You may be praying/chanting every morning…
    & being Hindu doesn’t mean that you can make fun of Hindu deities.
    This is disgusting…

  11. Sanatan Dharma teaches that everything has a cause and effect relationship. And you pay for each of your deeds. You have now yourself created a cause of your downfall!

  12. Awesome funny. Might be less intellectual and witty…but definitely funny.
    Kimd of the post to be followed by “lol, rofl n lmao” 😛

  13. I am an agnostic. All mythology really does not hold much water with me. But I just could not find humour here. I did not find the post offensive or outrageous. In fact, I believe that being a staunch believer of any religion, without understanding the subtleties, is stupid. Knowing your standards, maybe I expected too much out of this post.
    P.S: On an unrelated topic, will you please go through my blog (https://weirdlyweird.wordpress.com) once and give me your honest opinion? I could use your help to improve
    P.P.S: I am a content writer myself. Hence, the feedback will be valuable!

  14. Well played Jammy, the CCTV story was hardcore!! 🙂

    just need to know if i can be sued for commenting on the ultra sensitive religious phenomenon.

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