God played a joke on me last night, but I am not upset about it. How many people does God play with, anyway? I must be special. I just hope God isn`t a Radio Jockey with one of the many FM stations….and he didn`t put me on air while playing the joke on me.
Here is what happened. Just keep it to yourself, for it is a bit embarrassing.
At about 7 a.m. on Saturday morning, I got up, switched off the AC (obviously to save costs) and reluctantly confronted my wife. “Rekha, God came in my dreams last night.”
“And…he wanted a favour.” Though I knew I was doing God a favor, words barely escaped my mouth.
“God wanted a favour from you?” I did notice a smile escaping on Rekha`s face.
“Yes. Apparently, God has a 56 year old devotee who has a 27 year old daughter named Pratiksha. He wants me to marry her.”
I was scared of Rekha`s response to this statement. I was hoping she would understand that I was going through the marriage only because God wanted me to.
“And…what did you say? I mean, when he brought up the topic how did you respond?”
Not bad. Rekha was facing this better than I expected.
“What could I say? It was God speaking and I wasn`t even properly dressed – you know, I was standing in the cold with just my blue boxer shorts on. How could I have argued?”
I could feel my confidence levels going up.
“But why this girl Pratiksha?”
“I asked God the same question. He said Pratiksha`s father was a cancer patient and was about to die. And his last wish was to see his daughter married to a gentleman.”
“Well, did he say why he wants only YOU to marry her?” Rekha wasn`t even looking at me – she was placing a pan on the gas.
“No. But how can a faithful servant question God`s authority?”
I was now confident that in a few days I will be having two wives under the same roof. Imagine the options…. gives me goose pimples.
“How do you know it wasn`t one of your many friends who like to play pranks on you?”
This was the first time Rekha was questioning God`s authority.
“Rekha, I swear I can identify God`s voice. The lightening was equivalent to three or four tube lights and the boom in his voice can`t be replicated unless somebody had installed 3000 Watts Bose speakers.”
“So, I understand you are going ahead with God`s dictate and marrying that Pratiksha girl?”
“Rekha, you know the state of the Economy. And on top of it, I am in the internet business….where no company has ever made good money yet. It isn`t a good time to question God….or is it?”
“God won`t take away your job, just because you refuse to marry Pratiksha!”
The gas` flame was at its highest – something Rekha always did when she was upset.
“Rekha, remember that instance when just because I didn`t pass a girl in an interview, her elder brother didn`t give you the blog building project?”
“That was different. Now, we are dealing with your God.”
“My God? What do you mean? He is our God, and he wants me to marry that girl and show her what love means.”
“Or perhaps, show her what love making means…huh?” Rekha was being sarcastic now.
We continued to deliberate on the topic for long but to no avail. By noon, Rekha had decided to take Rhea (our 3 year old daughter) and catch a flight to Kerala to be with her parents.
Meanwhile, I had decided that I will obey God`s dictate….stay on in Gurgaon….and marry Pratiksha. God had also SMSed me her Business Card, just in case I wanted to get in touch with her. I am serious….I had Pratiksha`s number in my phone book.
After our discussion ended in disagreement around noon, Rekha went out and didn`t come in till I had hit the bed at 10 p.m.. Being the good husband, I tried to call her, but she refused to pick up my calls.
I must have been in mid sleep, when I saw the room fill with light from the four tube lights…again. And I heard the same resounding voice…just that this time….God was a woman.
The she-God said, “And you will do any stupid thing I ask you to?”
“You are a woman? Are you really God?”
I had to ask that question for I never thought God could be a woman. What about maternity leave? The need to take care of husband & house….a woman God can never be as efficient as a man God….or can she?
“Yes, I am really God. Don`t you see the light and don`t you hear my resounding voice?”
“Yes God. Please forgive this faithful for not trusting you the first time.”
What the she-God said next stumped me. She said: “Will you do anything stupid that I ask you to do? You are already married….why do you want to marry again?”
“But God, I thought it was your wish.”
“Forget what I said. It was a joke. Can`t God ever joke? I just tell you to get married and you make a dash for it.”
“God, I never know when you are kidding and when you are not.”
“Bad. Very bad. Where is your sense of humor? Aren`t you the one that calls himself India`s funniest blogger?”
“My apologies God. I was make amends with my wife, first thing tomorrow.
The moment I said these words, the lights went out and God decided to remain silent.
I must have been really tired after the God sighting, for I didn`t wake up till 7.30 a.m. the next morning. And when I did, I saw Rekha sleeping next to me. She must have come in later in the night. She seemed tired, so I let her sleep.
At 8 a.m. she woke up with a start and gave me a smile. I smiled back. That`s the generosity we Rajans bring to the table. We always take a few steps forward when our enemy takes one.
I immediately remembered my dream from last night and started narrating it to Rekha. She was calm and composed and heard it with rapt attention. Once I was done with my story she just said, “I knew my Rajan would come back to me,” and kissed me on my forehead. She then went out to bring morning tea and biscuits, while I sat there dazed.
Both my wife Rekha and I are friends again.
In the evening she asked me to pluck some nails & wires out of our bed room wall – funny they weren`t there when I had last seen the wall. As a coming-back-together gift, she is gifting me a 3000 Watt Bose speaker tomorrow.