Here is what you have to do:

Write this information down -

Your Blog Title:
Your Blog URL:
Your Blog Description (in a line or two):

E-mail the above info to my gmail ID jv.rajan@gmail.com before 30th Aug, 2008 (Saturday). Would be great if you can spread the word, so that maximum bloggers can benefit (including me!).

- Some comedian for sure

As I had mentioned in my post two days back, I have been suffering from Writer’s Block. So much so, I sent my boss in office this mail.

Dear Sir,

Thankfully yours,
Jamshed V Rajan

First things first, not necessarily in that order….I have been very busy lately. Ibibo has been keeping me busy. Real busy. I think it is a South African conspiracy to ensure India doesn’t sign the Nuclear Deal. Don’t ask me why South Africa doesn’t want India to sign the Nuclear Deal……for you never asked why Left doesn’t want it. Is it because they aren’t Right? (I hope you got the joke!)

While on the subject of politics, let me ask you a question: “How would a dyslexic person see the United Front?”

Answer: As Untied Front, of course.

If you have noticed, this blog post is about nothing in particular. Perhaps, I am a loser and that’s why am losing out to the Writer’s Block. I checked with my mother and she says it is in our blood…she said my grand pa once came third in a chess match.

As this blog post winds to a halt…I am getting a little scared. I don’t want my Writer’s Block to end because that would mean I have to write more blog posts.

To those of you who have mailed me that I take a long time between my articles, here is some bit of wisdom for you. How long is long? What is ‘long’ depends on whether you are a blogger or a blog reader. Let me give you an example that you can relate to…have you ever sat on the potty and felt that you were long in the bathroom? I am sure your answer is a big “NO”! Now, stand outside, clutching your stomach and see how long it is before the door opens….

Dear bloggers, lock up your blog readers….Jammy boy has killed Writer’s Block and is lurking around town.

Other Funny Reads

Today is my 33rd happy birthday
Father vs mother
Getting locked inside somebody’s washroom
Being a celebrity is difficult…
The art of swearing unnoticed

This got me thinking…why haven’t I tried any of that on Ouchmytoe? So here it is – a quick viral, which, if you please, can increase the number of people who read Ouchmytoe.com.

Why should I introduce Ouchmytoe.com to my friends/relatives?

If you have been reading Ouchmytoe.com for a while now and feel the need to come daily, chances are your friends / relatives are going to love it to0. After all, laughter is an intense emotion which needs to be shared…gifted.

Here is the mail that goes out to the people you have invited:

Please use the Import function provided below to invite your friends / relatives to read Ouchmytoe.com.

Apparently, Adi Crazy had been leaving comments on Ouchmytoe.com but wasn’t getting responses… because I was being kept busy at ibibo.com by my boss (My boss Arunava Sinha has translated Chowringhee by Sankar into English – can I call him a celebrity?).

Elders weren’t wrong when they said “Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned” for soon enough Adi Crazy wrote a scathing article on how certain bloggers (read Jammy) behave like celebrities but are worth nothing.
(more…)

Now that you know the beautiful options we have, why don’t help me decide by rating them…

Guess what? Now I can say, “I was at IIMB,” and get away with it. I don’t need to tell them that I was there for only 24 hours.

The workshop is scheduled for 10.30 a.m. on October 14. So, if you around and want to attend…just call me…for all you know, you could be my special guest.

To know more on IIMB’s Vista, click Here and Here

I started reading, thinking it was a digital love letter. Unfortunately, it was not. Instead it was a mail written in the form of a story, detailing how Ouchmytoe has a negative impact on its readers.

The mail is being reproduced as is (with all the Grammar & spelling mistakes!). I hope Viji doesn’t mind. Warning: It is a very long mail.

The Fan Mail:

One of my friend and colleague recently suggested Ouchmytoe. Like all his usual suggestions this was very good too. From then on most of the days I found myself visiting it 10 minutes before I left for home and reading a couple of posts. This eased the day’s pressures at office (if there were any).

Incidentally, the post I read on Sep 6th, 2006, which was chosen at random from the archives - that has become a usual practice these days - was about Jammy and Rekha’s Wedding. As I was heading home I thought I should probably write to Jammy and wish the couple on their wedding anniversary. That way, I appreciate this coincidence of my random choice of post that told me about their wedding day and God, its just couple of days ahead - Fine, it doesn’t costs to wish anyone- I thought I would write to him the next day.

I wrote a mail to Jammy wishing him formally the next day and it was over. Latter that day in the middle of the night, my phone rang and the call was from an unfamiliar number. As I managed to say “hello” in a sleepy tone the voice on the other side literally woke me up so well that I sat up. Earlier in the day, I had heard this voice – it was my Manager’s counterpart who demanded a review of my presentation - that same hoarse threatening voice, but it said ‘Hi- Jammy here – Thanks for your wishes’.

I was taken aback. How could Jammy know my number and the STD code – oops!…cell phones doesn’t need STD codes! It was surprising. We spoke formally and hung up. Minutes later I got another call, this time from a different number but it was Jammy again. He said he wanted to treat me for my wishes and I gently denied and the call was over too. I never thought Jammy goes out of the way and pleases his readers.

It was more annoying than shocking when Jammy called again from yet another number and said he had already sent a gift through post. God, how on earth could he trace my PG address too? This time I decided to be ruder and told him, ‘Look Jammy! Probably no one has ever wished you, but you should know how to react – not like this in the middle of the night”.

His voice became hoarser and he said “Rekha too is involved in this “and hung up.

I was scared. “What a mess I had created by wishing Jammy? ”

With this my maid servant came to me and said I have visitors waiting for me in the living room. I just said I would join soon and asked her to leave. The moment she left I realized asked myself, “From when did I have a maid servant for myself….and who is this lady”

The phone rang again and this time it was “Vampire calling….” I started to sweat coz I didn’t have any vampire’s phone number listed on my phone. My head started to swirl and I realized something was seriously going wrong.

I was going crazy letting strangers inside my house…I had lost the power to think. I answered the call and it was Jammy again - he just said he was on the way to my house. Apparently he wanted to meet me.

Now everything was clear. Jammy was a leech in disguise. He traced Ouchmytoe readers and attacked them for his everyday blood thirst. Unfortunately, on today’s menu it was me.

I realized I had made horrible mistake by suggesting Ouchmytoe to some of my friends.

He had mentioned in the previous call that Rekha is involved too. This meant Rekha was one too. And if the maid servant was one of theirs, I was in a trap!

One thing wasn’t clear…did Jammy do this to every reader or just to people who try to contact him?

My heart started beating faster and I felt a chill. I couldn’t exactly decide on my next reaction.

When I was wondering what else to do, the maid servant came again and I blindly followed her to the living room. I tried to say something but my mouth was dry.

Fortunately they were all familiar faces. My living room was full of my colleagues…and I was happy for a moment. Probably the maid servant was a God sent force to save me from this vampire world. They said they had come to meet Hari, my 2-year-old nephew.

By now, I had completely forgotten about Jammy the vampire.

I told my colleagues that Hari was at home and not staying with me at my PG. I hadn’t even finished the sentence, when I heard a postman shouting my name outside the house. Since when did postmen start visiting in the middle of the night?

I went out to meet him, and as soon as I saw him I realized he could be Jammy’s man. But it was too late for the postman in red and white uniform had placed his hand around my neck. There was no escape and I was shrieking in pain and fear but nobody inside the living room heard it. Somehow, I managed to free myself and ran miles and miles. After what seemed like hours, I was inside my living room.

My troubles weren’t over yet, for now everybody inside the living room were postmen in the same red and white uniform. I kept running madly…trying to escape them…and in fear my legs were not taking me where they were supposed to.

While I was running away, I heard one of the postman mention Hari’s name - so there is a plot laid for him too!

“I should somehow protect his life,” I told myself.

When I turned, I saw one of the postmen going for Hari…I didn’t have the tie to wonder how Hari was now with me instead of being at home. Hari was oblivious of what was happening around and was sleeping happily.

I could bear it no more and like all Tamil movie heroes, I had suddenly gotten my strength. I ran towards the vampire and hit him hard in order to save my lovely nephew.

I must have hit him hard, for it pained. It was as if I had hit a metal. But why should it pain this bad? It took me a while to realize that I had hit the edge of my cot and my cell phone which I usually kept at bed side had also fallen down.

It was a nightmare alright I looked around and none of my roommates were there – they must have gone for their night shifts.

It took me 5-10 minutes to realize that Jammy was not a vampire. I stayed awake for three hours and I had to be early in office the next day.

Who was the culprit? Whom should I curse for my nightmare?

Vishy for introducing me to Ouchmytoe? My Manager’s counterpart with his hoarse voice? My nephew Hari who maddens me with his love? Myself…for thinking of wishing Jammy on his wedding day? Or Jammy, who was the major part of this nightmare?

I could only think of cursing Jammy….the villain of this piece.

As I attempted to curse him, I can only say: “Long live Jammy in a life that is very sweet and lovable. A life that has both Rekha and Rhea to share moments with - wishing you advance happy wedding anniversary!”

Note (from Viji):

1. Everything was nothing but the truth
2. I don’t expect the vampire calling me this evening
3. Sorry for the subject line of this mail - it should have been “Jammy you stole my sleep - by being in my night mare”

If you have the strength, read these as well

# Sending off a girl to Mumbai
# My adventures – Chennai to Gurgaon
# Inside the Jet Airways flight
# Valentine’s Day is over. Phew!
# A married man’s guide to safe and sound staring

[Click on the thumbnail below to download the 1024X768 version. Sincere apologies, we don’t have the 800X600 resolution yet]

Downloaded 994 times

Seshu says that Ouchmytoe.com’s articles inspired him to build a web application which would cater to people’s creative needs (or bring out the creativity in them).

I can’t re-produce his mail ‘as is’ because I haven’t sought his go-ahead yet…but I can’t help displaying (most will call it ‘show off’) one paragraph of the mail, where he says Ouchmytoe articles were his inspiration.

One fine day while reading your blog posts, I started to think… How about a web-app for encouraging people to write wit-filled creative articles (similar to the posts at Ouch-My-toe). They are sure refreshing, and bring out our creative abilities to think. Several of your blog posts were key to forming of the base idea for my web2.0 application. I wanted to thank you for all that…

Seshu…my apologies for responding so late. Also, I went thro’ www.SayWit.com and I have to tell you that I was impressed. Ouchmytoe wishes its blood relation the very best!

——-X——–X——–

On August 10, S4n705h (don’t look at me like that …I didn’t make that up) and Chriz tagged me. Was really tied up and couldn’t continue the tag. My apologies. But if anybody wants to fake me - like they did for Steve Jobs - go ahead and continue the tag. I wouldn’t mind.

S4n705h & Chriz: Thanks guys!

——-X——–X——–

On August 13, this site introduced the Ouchmytoe widget for your blog/website. According to latest analytics being given by Musestorm.com, 126 blogs are carrying the widget…but I think the data is wrong. Ouchmytoe isn’t that big a blog yet. I would be surprised if five blogs are carrying the widget.

The three blogs on which I spotted the widget (via Musestorm, of course) are:

http://chronicwriter.blogspot.com
http://panchioftheeast.blogspot.com
http://shoutat.blogspot.com

Samachar.com – a Sify property which is visited by millions of NRIs every month (approximately 50 million…am not too sure) has found Ouchmytoe.com good enough to be showcased from their site.

But why now?

In tune with the changing times, Samachar.com went in for a re-design and decided to include ‘Prominent’ Blogs (if I can say that!) as one of the tabs. The Samachar philosophy is simple…get the best of links (of newspapers, magazines, websites) and showcase them on one single page - a sort of one-stop news solution.

Believe me…this is proof that you are reading the right stuff!

Click on the thumb above to Enlarge

By the way, have you checked out the Ouchmytoe Archives, yet?

If you remember right, it had been announced that the prize money will be Rs 500 (the same Rs 500 that an Ouchmytoe reader called PRG didn’t claim after winning the previous ‘interesting’ contest). Unfortunately, PRG mailed me a few days back and said he wanted his prize money because he planned to frame and hang it on his drawing room wall. Man, some readers can be crazy!

Anyway, that means…I have to convince my wife and get another Rs 500 cleared for this contest.

Now for the real thing – mark your vote against the retort you think is the funniest.

The poll closes at 12 noon on 19 August, 2007. The ‘quick retort’ which leads in votes at that time will be announced winner. Thereafter, I will get in touch with the winner…get his or her address and courier the DD worth Rs 500. And mind you, no framing it and hanging it on the drawing room wall, this time around.

Just in case (and I don’t mean a case of beer) you would like to display the latest articles from Ouchmytoe.com on your blog/website…we have a solution. Embed the Ouchmytoe widget on your blog in three easy steps:

Step 1:

Click Here.

Step 2:

Before customizing the funny Ouchmytoe widget, choose the look & feel of the widget you prefer (have given three examples below)

Step 3:
Follow the steps you are being asked to follow.

- - - X - - -

If all of this is too much of a hassle, just copy the code given below and paste it wherever you want the ‘funny green’ Ouchmytoe widget (the 2nd one in the picture above) to appear. Recommended: Try having the widget on your sidebar.

What do you gain?
# Good content for your readers
# Save your readers an unnecessary click on the Ouchmytoe link
# My gratitude for life
# If you still reading…maybe I stand a chance…can you please…please carry this widget?

“No wonder you are fat!”

Yes, that’s precisely what the boyfriend ends up saying, even though he wanted to say: “Honey, you look nice in this dress.”

Now, what will be the girl friend’s quick retort?

P.S.: Leave your retorts in the comment box…and since PRG never came forward to claim the Rs 500 he won for the last contest…the money will be used to award this contest’s winner.

This contest ends at 7.00 p.m. on Sunday. If you want your retort to be considered for the contest, please post it before the deadline.

After a week of vigorous voting (during which 146 votes were polled), the winner has been identified. He/she is PRG, who came up with the line: “Naa, I am not overweight. I am just 3 inches shorter for my weight”

PRG…I am waiting for your address & your name. You know my mail id, don’t you? If you don’t …too bad…qyon ki jab Gurgaon mein koi baccha rotha hai, tho maa kehthi hai, “soja bete, nahin tho Jammy ka Gmail ke ID se mail aajayega!”

Important Notice: If you have ideas for the next contest on Ouchmytoe, please mail me.

From the Ouchmytoe Archives

Articles on…
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