New Year resolutions

New Year resolutions are nothing but new headaches to be taken care of, in the year that unfolds.

You don`t realize it until you get married. Because, when you are a bachelor, you give yourself a promise and then break it at leisure on the 3rd of January – that is if you can hold them that long. But when you are married, there is a referee / adjudicator / arbiter / arbitrator / assessor / inspector / judge / mediator / negotiator involved at every stage.

Here is a list of New Year resolutions that my wife Rekha has proposed. I am expected to adhere to eight of the given ten. Resolutions number 1 & 2 are compulsory. Sounds like some school exam? Welcome to married life…

1) Will quit Smoking
2) Will quit Flirting
3) Will take up jogging
4) Will stop spending hours before the comp
5) Will switch off the night lamp and Good Night mosquito repellent as soon as I get up.
6) Will fold my bed sheet after I wake up
7) Will wash my own dishes
8) Will not eat onion for dinner
9) Will read the magazines I subscribe for
10) Will remember dates and surprise Rekha often (this sounds easy)

Domestic violence on the men?

In the sixties, women asked for equality. In 30 years time, they would have it. In another 10 years time, they would treat men like dirt.

I know it`s a shame, but I got to admit that I am subjected to domestic violence. I have proof – the burn marks on my well-developed calf muscles, the cane marks on my rounded-off knuckles and the cigarette burns on my long, slender back.

You probably think I am a lady. No, I am a modern man…that of the 21st century. Exploited, yet not intimidated.

I still remember the days when men were macho. Then they started coloring their hair…a few did the nail polish…some wore shirts with frills. Then they started calling themselves Metrosexuals. Even as the men were sucked into the lady`s domain, the average lady entered the macho world – going bungee jumping, getting tickets for speeding, getting sloshed on weekends and watching cricket.

For me, it all started a few days after marriage. I don`t know what she wanted…more money, some more respect, a slave….I have never been sure. But she has been subjecting me to domestic violence.

My neighbor, Mr Prakash also has similar problems.

“My wife is very edgy, so I am careful while talking to her,” he says.

“Mine too. Perhaps, it`s the tension at office,” I support his opinion.

“Maybe. But what wrong did I do. All I ever did was love her and then give up my parents to get married to her,” my neighbor repents.

“At least, I can go to my parents house (read Sasural) for a few days. You can`t even do that.” I feel bad for Mr Prakash coz his was more of a ‘Love marriage` than mine.

Our conversation came to an abrupt end coz, my neighbor had to rush inside the house. His wife`s car was rolling into the parking lot, you see.

It is a pity. Because a handful of men liked wearing nail polish and shaving their chest hair (seen Shah Rukh Khan?)…today man has lost his hold on the society. I have realized this early enough to not waste time strategizing against my wife.

But, I am not taking it lying down. I have bought a punching bag …and when Rekha is not at home…I drape it with an old churidhaar of hers and do my punching. That way, I don`t hurt her…I don`t hurt myself.

On jammin up with Jammy


Presenting something that boosted my confidence ten-times today morning. After the gut-wrenching farewell last evening and pegs of Smirnoff Vanilla Twist in the night, I woke up a tired man. But this link from a colleague of mine – Meera Srinivasan – put back the energy where it belonged. Thanks mate!

Click Here for the Link – Her Blog

My Last Day in Sify

Today is my last day here in Sify. When was the last time I quit a job? Been a long while…yet as far as I remember, I have never quit a job formally. This is probably the first time.

When I was working as a Features Sub-Editor with The Perth Courier, in Perth, Canada the contract/program come to an end.

In my next job – as a sports reporter with Indian Express – I stopped going to office without giving any notice. I had attended an interview in Chennai, and stayed back after I got the job. My News Editor at Indian Express, Coimbatore was very angry with me. To add salt to his wounds, I got (poached?!) another guy from The Indian Express. They were so pissed off with me that they put up my photograph at the reception, and instructed the security guards to never let me in.

The new job at Chennai was with Geet Sethi`s sports website www.kheladi.com. In three months time, Geet would sell his website to sify.com, and I would be part of the package. Am I not glad that I am no Roman General Maximus of the blockbuster epic, Gladiator? Otherwise, I would be bought at will and left to fight the tigers and lions alone.

Now, you know why this is a red-letter day in my life…for the first time…a respectable farewell has been organized for me. I don`t know how many of the speakers will choke with emotion…I don`t know how many will self-immolate themselves coz I am leaving Sify…I don`t know what demonstrations are planned. But what I do know…is…I am taking two pieces of my farewell cake!

Looking for a room-mate!

Long long ago, when angels traversed the Earth and things were not as bad as they are today…I used to be a bachelor. And I would stay wth a friend of mine, Vamsee Vardhan (Now in US of A).

Our house in Adayar, Chennai was amazingly big and we thought a third person won’t hurt. Blame it on our looks or our suspicious minds, we never got another room-mate. As a last ditch attempt, we came up with an advertisement (that we placed at strategic locations, including the walls of our drawing room).

I found this while rummaging thro’ my belongings at Sify… hence is a look at the beautiful past. Click Here to View the Advertisment.

PS: The concept, copy and design is by yours sincerely.

My medical check-up

Those that don`t watch BBC or CNN`s primetime news bulletin are probably not aware that I have quit my Sports Editor`s job at www.sify.com. Not much of a Sports Editor, but still.

I will be joining American International Group (www.aig.com) as their Corporate Communication guy.

Is the move good or bad? I don`t know yet. By the time I know…it would be too late. Didn`t somebody very popular….hmm…whatshisname….say that “Experience is a comb that life gives you when you are completely bald.”

Anyways, for this shift I had to undergo a medical test. While fixing up the appointment, I was asked if I was ok with a lady doctor.

“Sir, you are asking for an appointment at 10 a.m. and only a lady doctor will be available. Are you ok being examined by a lady.”

I looked around, and finding no one listening, replied: “Sure, I have no problems. Would this be a thorough check-up?”

“Yes sir.”

“Great. I am looking forward to it. Will be at the clinic by 10 a.m. sharp.” The lady did not understand the reason behind my enthusiasm.

Now I had to prepare for the ‘thorough` medical check up. So, on Wednesday morning…I shaved. Took bath. And shampooed my hair. Never before have I done all three on the same day.

I sprayed an extra dose of my Axe-Effect. And when Rekha was not noticing, I applied her Oil of Olay moisturizer all over my body for that shiny, smooth feel. The preparation was not just external. I also picked up my best undergarments for the occasion.

Rekha did get suspicious. She asked: You going for the medical check up, right?

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“Looks like you going on a date,” she exclaimed. She came close to me…and stared right into my eye. I stared back into her eyes, and her threat was conveyed to me through something more powerful than the blue-tooth technology. Am glad she could hold her own against the fumes of Axe-Effect escaping through the slits between my shirt buttons.

She would go on: “Remember, it is not like the old days when you could flirt at will. Now we are married and equations have changed.” That did dampen my ambitions a bit.

I landed at the clinic 15 minutes ahead of time. I needed to wash my face and apply some powder I had safely packed in my handkerchief.

The moment I had been waiting for arrived, and I was ushered in the lady doctor`s room. She was pretty al right. A little on the plumb side…but that`s the way I like my doctors – healthy.

I wanted to strike a chord right away. “Good morning Doc!”

She did not reply. That was a put off, but I didn`t budge. My morale was still hitting the roof.

“Nice day, eh Doctor.” I said.

“Yes. Now, take a deep breath.” By now she had placed her stethoscope on my chest. She did her regular check ups and then looked me straight in the eye. That excited me. But everything came crashing down when she asked: “Since when have you been wearing those glasses?”

“It came free, when I was born,” I tried to joke. But the Doc was not enthused.

I must have stayed in that room for 15 minutes, but there was no ‘thorough` medical examination. A very disappointed me, got up to leave the room when the doctor stopped me and said: “Give this receipt to the nurse at the counter. The same nurse will examine you physically.”

If not a doctor, at least a nurse. I was OK with a consolation prize.

I walked up to the counter and produced the receipt. A guy asked me to follow him to a room and then closed the door behind him. And then the physical check-up began.

By the way, did you know that male medical assistants are also known as nurses?

(Those of you who depend on my Yahoo Status Message to reach my blog, suggest pls add me in your favourites list coz I won’t be on Yahoo Messenger for long. That is if it is worth the effort.)

The Best Resume on Web

Ever felt like re-writing your CV/Resume/Bio-data after seeing somebody else’s? I have…many a times. In fact, I go green whenever I see a good resume.

Check out the Best CV on the Web (shall we say the World?). It takes a while to load…but I tell you it is worth the wait. And of course, don’t forget to up your speakers.

Best Resume on the Web

I watched Mughal-e-Azam

Rekha and I watched Mughal-e-Azam over the weekend. Nice, colorful movie. Definitely better than the pseudo-tear-jerker Devdas.

The movie is all about a young Jehangir (Akbar`s son) falling in love with Anarkali, a dancer at the court. And the repercussions.

There are instances in the movie, where Jehangir, blinded by his love for Anarkali agrees to leave all his birthrights (like the crown, kingdom, harem etc) and face death by cannon shot. Such sacrifice for the sake of silly love made interesting viewing.

Rekha and I would look at each-other and cuddle whenever a very emotional Dilip Kumar or a sentimental Madhubala delivered a line on what ‘true` love was. And I would feel a special warmth in Rekha`s embraces. She was running temperature, perhaps.

Made me wonder if I would go the same distance for Rekha. Definitely not. I would not even share my All-Out mosquito-repellent, leave alone abdicating my throne.

Till the interval, I thought Akbar`s son was Shah Jahan. During my history classes, all I could do was concentrate on my pretty teacher – Ms Nivedita Bedi and dream of starting my own dynasty.

Lack of knowledge, made me take the hero`s love affair lightly…coz I thought…anyways this bugger is going to fall for Mumtaz Mahal again and build a Taj Mahal for her. So whats all this fuss about missing Anarkali.

During the interval, I saw one gentleman explaining the Mughal Dynasty using five medium-sized popcorn cones, to his son. Each cone represented one Mughal King – Babur, Akbar, Jehangir, Shah Jahan and Aurangazeb. Now, I knew my history…and was better placed to understand and empathize with Prince Jehangir.

Rekha cried during the movie. Since, all this while I had been projecting myself as a metrosexual, I was forced to cry. Am glad they switch off the lights while screening the movies.

As I was saying, the movie went well…but I can never take a cannon shot for Rekha. A shot of tequila? Yes.