Month: October 2006

iBiBo.com – I Build, I Bond – is a the new kid on the blogging block. They have gone live with two of their most community orientated products – Blogs & Albums. Worth a visit.

I liked their tag line and took a sneak peak at the blogging interface. It comes with the usual stiffness of any beta version, but the fact is…they have made an attempt. Another thing that goes in their favour is that they seem creative. Happened to visit two of their Gaming sites and guess what – the site urls are http://www.motafish.com/ and http://www.chotafish.com!

Now, why is the sadistic Jammy praising somebody? Not without reason – iBiBo.com showcased his blog on their home!

 

I didn`t believe when it happened in Mumbai. I didn`t believe when it happened in Gujarat. Now, that it has happened in Chennai and I have experienced it, I believe in life after rains a la life after death.

The last few days have seen unprecedented rains in Chennai. Unprecedented is the wrong word but I am using it because when it rained in my city last, my grand pa was in my great-grand ma`s womb.

Like I was saying, Chennai has got 30 centimeters of rain in the last two days. Some say it is low pressure over the Bay of Bengal which has resulted in the rain. The more intelligent – like the weathermen – say “Though our records show that the best days for a downpour are Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays…God only knows from where these rains came.”

I say my life has changed because now I can`t get out of my house without becoming a canvas for all those artistic Chennai residents. Last evening, a speeding car splashed a Picasso like free-wheeling art on my white shirt. Before I could thank the car driver, he sped away.

Even as I surveyed the free-wheeling art all over me, I realized I was not alone. There was competition – almost everybody in Chennai was turning into an artist. Well, if not the artist, at least the canvas. Copy cats, I tell you.

A dejected me walked up to the autorickshaw driver and asked: “Sir, can you drop me at my office – Satyam City Center – in Sholinganallur.”

“What can you give me in return?” The driver seemed a hard bargainer.

“You tell me. You definitely know the market better.” The first lesson in negotiation is, ‘never quote first`. What if you quote first and undercut yourself?

 “Rs 100?”

“No. I will settle for your washing machine.”

I was shocked. “Are you charging me my washing machine for a trip that would otherwise have cost me Rs 50?” I asked.

“Yes!” The driver knew he had the upper hand.

The sarcastic me took over and I said: “Why don`t you take my refrigerator? I bought it only recently, and anyway it costs more than the washing machine.”

The auto driver said: “That`s fine sir. I already got a refrigerator from the earlier customer.”

I decided to walk down the wild side. When I am angry, I can really walk a long distances. The other day I was angry with Rekha and walked all the way to our mailbox to pickup our mail.

As I was saying, I rolled up my sleeves…only to realize that rolling up ones sleeves during rains is of no use….rolled them down again…and rolled up my trousers …and started walking. After three hours I reached office. The mood was upbeat.

I saw Rosy the pretty girl staring at her computer. “What happened?” I asked her.

“I had to sell my jewellery to reach office.” She seemed pretty dejected. The good Samaritan in me tried to cheer her up but it didn`t work.

As a last resort, I said: “At least, you have a nice home to go back to. Think of all those homeless people suffering in the rains.”

“Ohh…I forgot to tell you, while I sold my jewellery to reach office my husband sold our house!”

Other Wet Reads

Traveling – the things we will miss in future
When it rained heavily in Chennai
My world is suddenly crowded

Is Windows near the end of its run…at least that is the headline The New York Times gives to a Steve Ballmer interview showcased on its home page. Mr Ballmer answers questions about Microsoft, his job and the future of software. To read the interview, click here. While at The New York Times you might also be interested in this article that says: To be married means to be outnumbered.

I can now reveal the news I have been trying to hide from the World for the last three months. Perhaps, Rekha has given me the go ahead because she knows she will anyway give away the secret herself. One really can`t hide from the World that one is pregnant – the huge stomach will give it away anytime now.

Yes…Rekha and I are in the family way. The day I came to know of it, my nightmares wherein I used to get pregnant have stopped. But other nightmares have begun.

I am celebrating this news as only a blogger can – by introducing a new category called “Pregnancy Diary“. It will contain my travails as an expectant father. Does this mean we will have a “Baby Diary” by April next year? Damn right.

Here I try and describe the hectic one week during which Rekha announced that she was pregnant. 
 
Aug 5-6: Just before detection

No sex for a long time – all kinds of excuses flying around the house. Wonder why men never make any excuses for not having sex? Anyway, when you don`t get your daily dose of sex…you know something is wrong. She is either mad at you or she is pregnant.

Wife talks about other girls who are trying to get pregnant. She talks of other girls who have kids. She talks of how Ms X`s husband Mr Y gifted her a diamond.

We visit the gynecologist where my job is to decorate the sofa in the waiting room. I am told it is regular visit, only to be deceived later. ISI hand?

Aug 7:

Wife wakes me up at 5. Apparently doing a home pregnancy test at 5 a.m. is good…or so she believes. Wakes me up at 5…she doesn`t know I have slept at 1 a.m….for the next two hours she appraises me of how my life will change because she has tested positive for pregnancy. I say: “But hasn`t it already changed.”

Forced to make her breakfast coz as soon as the she saw the positive test, she started feeling pukish. I tell her, “I am also feeling pukish,” but she doesn`t believe me.

Forced to drop her at office. Apparently, autos are a strict no.

Aug 8:

One of her friends asks her to do a lab test for pregnancy before calling up a gynecologist. At 9 a.m. go to a lab, do a test and then go have b`fast and then drop her in office and then go to my office. When I reached office it was 11 a.m.. Men do have huge responsibilities. 

Everybody is calling up….and congratulating. Wonder who told because Rekha`s last statement on the subject was, “Let us not tell anybody for three months at least.”

Now, she gets up at 8 a.m. and as soon as she gets up I am expected to be ready with tea.

Went to the gynec at 8.30 p.m….she said everything needs to be in moderation. Except happiness. The gynec placed the whole responsibility of keeping her happy on my frail shoulders. I wonder why I pay the gynec. By the way, they have an awesome thirst for money.

Aug 9:

Wife doesn`t bother if house is cleaned or not. Doesn`t even brush before walking into the kitchen and eating something – this is real news coz she was the Rani Mukherjee of Chalte Chalte earlier.

Rekha has started reading up Babycenter.com and subscribed to their newsletter too. Calls me after every half hour to tell about this new pregnancy tip she read about. So much so, my colleagues know that when I sleep off at conversation…it must be a call from my pregnant wife.

Aug 10:

We went to a hospital for various kinds of tests, including the HIV+ve test. Rekha was upset that her results weren`t positive…took me a while to explain that this was one test where being negative was good. Never waited in a hospital for so long…with nothing to do but listen to one`s wife narrate pregnancies stories from across the globe.

If only Rekha had told me one more story…I would have gotten pregnant and my nightmares would have come true.

Other Pregnant Reads

When I thought, I was pregnant
Our Visit to the gynecologist
All about babies
All Males Unite

Believe it or not, this is quite a ritual. It is not as easy as picking up the phone and calling them over for lunch. I wanted to call a NCC mate of mine home and this is what happened.

“Rekha we need to call Derek Lesley home,” I said casually even as I changed the channel from AsiaNet to Sun TV. Rekha being a Malayali always watches AsiaNet, while I being a Tamilian stick to Sun TV. 

“If you can change the channel back to AsiaNet, we can talk.”

Needless to say, I changed the channel. Sometimes, having the remote control alone doesn`t entitle you privileges. 

“Changed.”

“And you were saying?”

“I was saying that we need to invite Derek Lesley home for lunch one day.”

“Derek who?”

“Derek Lesley.” I said trying to sound normal.

I get really angry when my wife starts behaving like my boss. It happens so often in my house that I checked if the word ‘boss` is a synonym of the word ‘wife`. Apparently it is not. According to Microsoft Word, the only synonyms of the word ‘wife` are: companion, consort, spouse, partner and husband. Yes, ‘Husband` is a synonym for ‘Wife` and vice-versa. Don`t ask me why.

“Who is Derek Lesley? I have never heard of him before.”

“He is my friend from NCC. He was from Loyola College and I from The American College and we would meet at various camps.”

“How come you have never said anything about him before?” Rekha had her eyebrows raised.

I felt as if I had killed a model in a bar in New Delhi and was now sitting in front of the police interrogator. If you are married, you probably understand what I mean.

“Well, we lost touch after college and we met at Spencers Plaza last week. That was after almost 12-13 years.”

“You never mentioned meeting him during our talk.”

“Yes, I didn`t. I realize it was a big mistake.” Purists call it stooping to conquer.

“And when and why did you go to Spencers?”

“Hmm…last week.”

“I know last week…but when? Which day? You never told me that.” 

“I agree that`s my second mistake of the day.” Purists call it stooping twice to have the last laugh. 

“Hope you haven`t told him already about this invite?” I didn`t tell Rekha that marriage had taught me many things and the most important being…never to commit.

“No…I didn`t. He just got married and I thought it would be a swell idea to call the couple home.”

“Let me think. I will get back to you in a day`s time. While you are at it, why don`t you increase the volume…this is the Mohan Lal movie which won him the National award.”

I imagined the remote to be a pistol, and imagined the TV to be my wife and fired two rounds…

“That should be fine,” said Rekha as she settled into her bean bag.

Jammy’s Pick

Rekha and I visit Mocha, Chennai
When the stomach is full…
Why should you marry the girl you love?
The art of gifting
Buffet dinner with ex-colleagues…