Month: August 2007

I have always wondered why women are used to sell products, concepts & ideas. I mean, I am not against women making good money by smiling…but why should it always be women?

Amongst my girl friends (78% of whom have at some point or the other been my fianc̩es) there are two camps Рone that is happy that women adorn all the billboards and the other that is upset over it. I can`t really decide my favorite camp because 39% of my ex-fianc̩es belong to each.

It is not just the billboards. Even corporate websites use women to sell – take Airtel`s website for example.

I feel pathetic about the advertisers using women on billboards, websites and magazine covers. What about the men? What is it that women have and we don`t? Now…don`t answer that one!

Don`t we look handsome? Are there no men who can cause highway accidents?

Some companies – and they are very few – do believe in the power of men and place photographs of good looking men on their billboards, websites & magazines. Take this company called Ouchmytoe Inc – they have a nice looking guy on their website.

I had plans of writing the second part of the art of farting but read an article a few minutes back which made me swerve like a lady driver and write on this topic.

According to the article, a pub in Halifax, Canada offended the ladies when it carried a billboard saying “Our waitress uniforms were designed way back when ‘harass’ was two words”. I wonder if you got the pun on ‘harass` …if you didn`t why don`t you jump into a glass of water?

I wonder why the Halifax women found it offending…..was it because no woman was shown on the billboard?

Just for the heck of it, have added some of the funniest billboards featuring women in this post. They are not my photographs 😉

On August 24, Ouchmyte had a funny article on SPAM mails we find in our inboxes. We had gone on to define SPAM as ‘Somebody`s Patience Almost Murdered`.

Apparently, that`s not always true. Jason Kottke, who writes at www.kottke.org, has found some good SPAM mails as well. To view his collection of the best spam messages ever, click on the link given below –

Warning: Part of the content could be objectionable in a formal setting

The Link: Best spam mails ever

Wanted something funny for your desktop? A wallpaper which will convey to rest of the World that you have a sense of humor? Thankfully, your wait is over….Ouchmytoe.com presents the funniest wallpaper in the Universe (considering Jammy’s mental limitations).

[Click on the thumbnail below to download the 1024X768 version. Sincere apologies, we don’t have the 800X600 resolution yet]

This wallpaper was downloaded times

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When Indian wives want to take their husbands for a ride, they take them for shopping. I don`t know about the NRI wives, but the Indian wives definitely are a handful.

I would have never come to know of my wife`s plan if she hadn`t returned from a shopping spree with a toilet brush gift-wrapped for me. It was to be my Indian Independence Day present.

Not one to throw away a gift, I have been using the toilet brush for 3-4 days and it has been a killing experience. I plan to go back to using toilet paper.

If my wife isn`t killing me physically with her presents (and the toilet brush is just one example), she is draining me monetarily.

A month back, I remember her asking me: “Rajan, can we go shopping?”

“No, we can`t. We have just shifted to Gurgaon and haven`t yet claimed all our re-location bills…we don`t have much money.” I said with a serious tone.

She was relentless. “In that case, can I go window shopping?”

The magnanimous gent that I am, I said “Go ahead.”

That evening, my wife brought home three windows – one French and two Italian. To cut costs, we are now using forks to carve out the wall where the windows will be fitted.

It is for this reason that I never let go of my wife`s hand when we go out. The moment I let go, she grabs a shopping cart.

As if she wasn`t enough, she also conspires with the sales boys to fool me. The other day, we were in Benetton when Rekha stopped in front of a pink pull over (sweater, for the common folks).

On the pretext of feeling the cloth, I checked the price and it said Rs 4500/-.

I am not going to buy that, I told myself. Not long back Rs 4500 used to the amount my whole family – my parents and two sisters and I – spent in a month. How could I commit this crime?

“Can we buy this please…it is already August and very soon it will be winter in Gurgaon.” Rekha was at her pleading best.

“But Rekha…Rs 4500 for a sweater? I could get you a similar one on Chandini Chowk for Rs 350, including the fuel costs to reach there?” I protested vehemently.

Rekha looked at me, and then let out a sigh. She then turned towards the sales boy and said: “Why don`t you tell my husband the specialty of the wool used?”

The sales boy didn`t need a second invitation. Pity, he was being my wife`s knight in shining armor while I was being looked at as a villain.

“Sir, this is a special sweater. The wool used here comes from special sheep of New Zealand. By special, I mean sheep that haven`t had sex with other sheep, in the last 90 days.”

“Yeah?,” I enquired further. The wool used to make the pull over definitely seemed special.

“Yes sir. This is a beautiful yarn.”

I couldn`t help say: “Yes I agree, and you say it so well.

Unfortunately, the humor was lost on the sales boy and my wife.

She now wants to go to Chandini Chowk and get the same pullover in light green.

Other Funny Blog Posts

# When a pretty colleague heads for Mumbai
# Flying Kingfisher class: Falling in love with air-hostesses
# Why should you marry the girl you love?
# Do all married men need mistresses?
# CBI arrests Joe King; detains him for questioning

Ouchmytoe.com has come of age. Yesterday, the day India became independent, it got linked from www.samachar.com.

Samachar.com – a Sify property which is visited by millions of NRIs every month (approximately 50 million…am not too sure) has found Ouchmytoe.com good enough to be showcased from their site.

But why now?

In tune with the changing times, Samachar.com went in for a re-design and decided to include ‘Prominent` Blogs (if I can say that!) as one of the tabs. The Samachar philosophy is simple…get the best of links (of newspapers, magazines, websites) and showcase them on one single page – a sort of one-stop news solution.

Believe me…this is proof that you are reading the right stuff!

Click on the thumb above to Enlarge

By the way, have you checked out the Ouchmytoe Archives, yet?

Babies can turn Worlds upside down. Especially if…yours is a small World involving a small 3-bedroom apartment, a 100-member office and a four member family. At least, my baby has changed my world.

Last night at 3 am I was woken out of my slumber by an ecstatic Rekha shouting: “She has turned! She has turned!”

Though Archimedes was my wife`s favorite scientist, I didn`t compare her “She has turned!” to his “Eureka!” – probably because we don`t have a bath tub at home.

I looked up from sleep, trying hard to see in the dark…and finally spotted our bundle of joy lying in the middle of the bed. Though I was sleepy, I could make out something was wrong – Rhea (our baby) was lying on her stomach.

“She has turned indeed!” I heard myself shouting. In the next 15 seconds I was as fresh as a lily washed in the first rains of Mumbai. There was a problem though. I was having trouble recognizing my daughter. Ever since her birth on March 29, I had only seen her face and stomach and knees…here in the middle of the night I was being shown a baby`s back and hair and told, “She is your daughter and she has turned!”

For a moment, I couldn`t believe my wife.

“That`s not our baby. Our baby doesn`t have hair on her face…and she doesn`t have a John Abrahamesque flat stomach,” I protested.

“Oh…stupid man…she has turned…can`t you see that?” Needless to say that was my wife censuring me.

“If you insist. But is this thing like new year…I mean…do we have to stay up at 3 a.m. and celebrate?”

I have a feeling Rekha didn`t like my question, for in the dark (our night lamp is 3 years old and gets tired by 2 a.m….and dulls down) I could see her cat-like eyes spit fire. In case you have been married you would understand that tackling one`s wife is easy in the dark. Desperate husbands seek the help of darkness to present their case and win compensation. Unfortunately, compensations won in the darkness are always in kind (and never in cash).

Instead of answering my question, my wife asked me one: “Do you know what this means?”

“What…what means?” I asked. I can never think if woken up at 3 a.m..

“Are all men like this…or is it just you?” She gave me a frown. I could see her eye brows move up and down in the dark.

How could I let down my brothers in arms…so I said: “No…no…it is just me. Now, tell me what does our baby turning mean?”

“It means, very soon she is going to crawl!” I could feel my bed reverberate – that`s the amount of energy my wife put behind the word ‘crawl`.

I didn`t respond immediately. Thinking before saying anything is a trait I picked up from my grandfather, who once got into a fight with a hunter and still limps in his left leg because of a gun shot wound.

I think I just kept on thinking and dozed off.

I got up in the morning with a start. “My baby will crawl!” I shouted…all sweating…and panting…luckily Rekha was in the bathroom and didn`t hear me. I wonder if I should be happy when my baby starts crawling. Where is she getting the trait from? Maybe, I shouldn`t have crawled in front of Ibibo`s HR team and pleaded for a job!

Funny Blog Posts

# Kid Stories – How Tortoise got their shells
# Every photograph has a story to tell
# Mother in law vs daughter in law
# Places you visit before and after marriage
# Our visit to the gynecologist….