The online file sharing community is upbeat about a news item: “Jammie takes RIAA to court.”
No…the Jammie in question isn`t the owner of this blog and the RIAA in news isn`t his daughter. Since a good, old friend called Roshan Mani (who works for an IT company that makes soaps!) sent me the link…and since the coincidence was just too much, I thought we should carry a link to this news item. Jammie is taking RIAA to court
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Dude, thanks for linking back to my blog. It was earlier read by a select group of my friends (~80) but now has a much wider audience (~500).
So, if you want to help a deserving, funny, blogger friend (woah! Too many adjectives) send me his/her blog url. And believe me, funny people always need help!
First things first – I attended Caferati`s Delhi Meet on Sunday evening (from 4.30 p.m. to 8 p.m.). I was accompanied by wife Rekha and daughter Rhea. I know it does sound like a Minister’s entourage…but I am not yet a Minister.
We landed at the meeting place at 5.30 p.m. – a full one hour behind schedule – and after the third person had read his article, a break was announced. Like the innocent boy (or should that be man?) that I am I headed straight for the washroom.
There was a queue of four people. What is with writers? Why do they always rush for the washrooms? I wondered even as I stood in the queue. The writers going in were taking so long that …I started thinking of how Charles Darwin`s theory of Natural selection (and Evolution) applies to writers.
Here is how: I think the writers of the iron-age were actually the territory markers. These good for nothing men (and later women) were sent to urinate around the territory because they weren`t strong enough for running, jumping & lifting – the three prerequisite for becoming a hunter. I am told blogging didn`t exist back then.
Over a period of time, these territory markers learnt to write “I” while they pissed. With time, they were able to write complex alphabets like “H” and “C”. With practice, they moved on to the absolute killers like “B” and “W”. Let me remind you that back then only the men acted as territory markers.
In order to write more, the ‘writers` started drinking more water from the water hole…and started to mark more territory. Eventually, they started writing whole words like “Sky” or “Goat”. As time passed by, territory markers who could hold more water in their urinary bladder were promoted as senior territory markers and thus flourished while those that failed the natural selection fell by the way side.
After a few centuries…women joined the party. Thankfully, by this time the ‘writers` had started writing ON THE cave walls.
Ever since, people with huge bladders have ended up becoming writers…and with no territory marking to be done…they end up crowding the washrooms at every writers meet.
It seemed like ages, before I got a chance to get into the Annie`s washroom. Annie (Not so sure…but I think she works for Frontline Magazine) was hosting the Caferati session at her house.
As soon as I entered the washroom, I attained nirvana – the kind that only other men can understand. If I were to give an example that a lady would understand: Imagine finding your lost i-Pill the morning after your one-night stand with a humor blogger? How relieved would you be?
Once inside, I surveyed the washroom. It was during one such survey in my earlier boss` house that I came to know of soaps – since then I have used one.
The feeling of being on your own can sometimes make you a very responsible person – so I lifted the lid, relieved myself, put back the lid again, and flushed. It was when I tried to get out of the washroom, that the tragedy struck. I had locked myself in.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen…this favorite blogger of yours had locked himself up inside somebody else`s washroom. Like the brave man that I am, I stepped back – a lesson learnt from my mom (she always said, “whenever you see the flames rising in the gas stove, step back!”) and let out a sigh. How was I going to tackle this, I asked myself.
Luck was stacked against me:
– This was my first time with Caferati and I didn`t know anybody – Rekha wasn`t carrying a mobile, so I couldn`t alert her – My daughter was too young so she also didn`t have a mobile
Like I have said many times before us Rajans are built to survive and keeping this in mind, I gently knocked the door. Since everybody was at the reading (writers, don`t just write…you know?) they didn`t hear me.
I repeated myself:
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
When there was no response. I called out….
Anybody there?
Anybody there?
Anybody there?
Anybody there?
You should thank God that it wasn`t you…for I was able maintain my cool in the buried-like-a-miner scenario only because I happen to be one of the Rajans. Being one of the Rajans comes with a big responsibility…we are forced to keep ourselves alive for the World. So I shouted:
“Somebody please save me…looks like I am going to die!”
I don`t now what happened after that. When I got up after two hours – with a Samosa stuffed in my mouth and a smiley drawn on my face with Close Up toothpaste – I was told I had fainted inside the washroom. I don`t believe them…for I remember shouting instructions at the people gathered …on how to open the door from outside…
Alternative headline for this article, which I didn`t use: Jammy dazzles at Caferati Meet on Sunday
You are going to read a Yahoo! Messenger conversation between a husband and wife. The husband works for an Internet major called www.ibibo.com and wife used to be with Cognizant Technology Solutions, till she decided to give up her career for a few babies (the couple were aiming for twins).
The conversation happens at 3.15 p.m. when the husband is in office. Talking of 3.15 pm…I am reminded of www.311pm.com – have you checked it out yet? It is an awesome movement being planned by the people of Chennai.
I came to know of Sangeet Paul`s blog today evening and have no second thoughts on recommending this Yahoo! Product Manager`s blog on Ouchmytoe.com.
He is everything that Ouchmytoe isn`t – Funny! Of course… I am kidding. But seriously…he is funny and that too in both the narrative and the conversational style. Have given below two of his posts (one narrative and other conversational) as samples. Promise, I didn`t take any money from him. Sangeet, if you are reading this…the money needs to be credited into ICICI Bank A/C number: 0001018765481
Narrative Style
NO! YOU JOLLY WELL CAN`T TOUCH ME THERE!
“NO! YOU JOLLY WELL CAN`T TOUCH ME THERE!”
That, my friend, is the voice of the no-nonsense woman and when you hear that, you`ve got to run for cover!
“But I want to! Please!” I said, making the cutest contortion possible within the limitation of the facial features I was endowed with.
“Shut Up! Why do you want to touch me there?”
“It looks soft. And it`s curved so nicely!”
“Well, go and touch someone else`s. Touch yours!”
“I don`t have it. I am a young boy discovering the changes of adolescence! Please let me touch it!”
How to crack The Arranged Date: The necessary precursor to the Arranged Marriage
Scene: The scene opens to a dimly but tastefully lit restaurant. Light jazz is audible in the background along with the soft murmur that arises out of multiple hushed conversations staged simultaneously punctuated by the odd guffaw and the reprimanding stare in response to the aforementioned guffaw. HE and SHE are seated across a table on the left corner of the stage. The scene opens with the lights focused on the table in question.
HE: That was some traffic we had to negotiate! Mighty considerate of these guys to hold on to our reservation!
SHE: I`ll say! That was bad!
He smiles. She smiles in response. A few seconds of silence where the music and murmur rise mildly in volume.
HE (Breaking silence. Volume of music and murmur falls.): So!
SHE: So?
HE: So your dad knows my mom? Or is it my dad who knows your mom? I know that this is definitely cross-gender. Unsure who to who though.
Very recently I was asked to give a brief introduction of myself. Instead of playing with facts I played with words which made the introduction a good read but wasn`t an exact representation of the Jammy that I knew.
The introduction started with this line: “Jammy, the internet lover, wants everything in the real World to be online as well.”
A week after that was written – I wondered how much fun it would be if…everything that was online…was in the real world too!
• If I hated my boss, I could just highlight him and delete him.
• If I wanted to enter a club which didn`t allow me inside, all I had to do was point my mouse on the club and click
• If I wanted to shift my job, no uploading of my resumes on Naukris of the World…I just needed to hit the Shift key
• If I knew my girl friend was dumping me, all I had to do was Right Click and Copy…when she was gone…just do a Paste. Bingo!
• If two girls were gossiping and I wanted to eavesdrop, I could just plug my earphones and increase the volume
• If I saw a pretty girl on the road, I could do a Print Screen and save her for later
• If I had a flat tire all I had to do was press F1 and get help
• If in a meeting, nobody was listening to my thoughts…I could put the CAPS Lock on and say whatever I wanted
• If I read the intensions of a girl at work wrong…I could always use the Backspace key and start afresh.
If you can think of anything better, please don`t shy from sharing it with the rest of the World.
A friend of mine is looking for a team of individuals willing to freelance and build a social networking site a laFacebook, Orkut, My Ibibo, BigAdda etc. He operates out of Chennai and wishes to start on his dream project as soon as possible.
He needs people with the below given skill sets –
Developers – PHP & ASP
Designers – Adobe Photoshop & Flash
Editor – Fluent with writing content for the web
If you are interested, please get in touch with him at zillionsb [@] yahoo [.] com (His name is Sayeeram]
Needless to say, you will be compensated for the effort you put in.
In fiction books read as a kid everybody had a ‘study` – a room full of books and a single rocking chair. From PG Wodehouse`s Bertie Wooster to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle`s Sherlock Holmes…they all had studies of their own.
That`s why when Rekha announced that we had a spare room in our 3-bedroom house …I jumped up and said, “I want that converted into a study.”
In the next 10 minutes, we made a list of thing the spare room should have to qualify as a study:
Desktop
Printer & Scanner
Rocking Chair
Beanbag
Books
More Books
After five hours of planning and discussing…we took the strategic decision of moving a bean bag inside the spare room and converting it into a study. If you are looking to have a study of your own, be prepared for an unnerving experience.
Becoming one is impossible. Well, at least that`s what I thought till I came to know that a post titled How to: Behave like a Celebrity Blogger (dated 07, August 2007 and written by Adi Crazy) was inspired by me.
Apparently, Adi Crazy had been leaving comments on Ouchmytoe.com but wasn`t getting responses… because I was being kept busy at ibibo.com by my boss (My boss Arunava Sinha has translated Chowringhee by Sankar into English – can I call him a celebrity?).
Elders weren`t wrong when they said “Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned” for soon enough Adi Crazy wrote a scathing article on how certain bloggers (read Jammy) behave like celebrities but are worth nothing.
