Put words into my daughter’s mouth

It has been 22 days since my last blog post on February 1. I have been kept busy by my colleagues at ibibo.com …so nothing to complain there.

On the personal front, Rhea has started getting super-active and it hurts to leave her playing by herself and sit in front of the laptop to write a blog post.

In the last two months, media has been happy with me too. Here are some media mentions worth sharing:

1) Interview with Digimouth (where surprise of all surprises, I get labeled as India`s funniest blogger!)

2) Anusha Parthasarthy interviewed me for The Hindu and titled it ‘Jamming with Jammy.` To see the interview visit Page 3 of this e-paper. Click Here

3) A Deccan Chronicle correspondent quotes me in a story on niche networks. Click Here

4) Quoted at midcareers.com, for taking up jobs that aren`t related at all. From sports journalist, to Corporate communications person, to now community builder on the internet (some serious stuff). Click Here

Anyway, that`s all the boring stuff. Now, let us get back to business….can you put words into my daughter`s mouth.

See how creative you can get and put words into the speech bubble in the photograph below. Will announce the best during my next post…and if the winner is fine with it, will courier him/her my favourite book: Catcher in the Rye!

More Funny Reads

# Crossing one`s Tea
# Music and I go a long way (away from each other)
# The ‘Quick Retort` Contest
# Can you put words into my mouth?
# Much married, much harried

Fourth free birthday gift

I always wanted to be somebody in life. Somebody big and famous…somebody people rushed to meet…somebody people wrote to…basically somebody big. But I guess I should have been more specific in my prayers for God made me a funny blogger. Barring a few incidents here and there (mostly with credit card companies where I had failed to re-pay the dues), no one chased me.

There were a few mails from here and there but they were all from 60 years-plus-old-men & women, who when the newspapers didn`t publish their Letters to the Editor, wrote to me. It was their revenge towards the Times of Indias, The Hindustan Times & The Hindus (Sometimes, I wonder why we don`t have a newspaper called – The Muslims!).

It was during one such summer that I received a mail from a Gurgaon girl asking for blog post dedicated to her on her birthday. Over the next three years these requests would continue and lead to three different blog posts – all on her birthday, Jan 31 (I can`t give you the year…but its 20th century for sure). Here are the posts:

2006 – A Birthday Post for Himani Sahni
2007 – And then, one year flew by
2008 – Third, Free Birthday Post

If you are a girl, you are probably wondering how a girl can get in touch with a complete stranger…that too online? Trust me it is safer than going to a pub in Mangalore. If you are a gentleman, you are probably wondering, “Wow…Jammy is so lucky. Girls contact him.”

Not really. You probably think being a humor blogger is great. Perhaps, I have to tell you what happened when we this Gurgaon girl and I first met – in Kentucky Friend Chicken, Gurgaon. Mind you, I hadn`t seen her before and she had only seen pictures of mine taken when I was young and dare I add, handsome.

“Hey, I am looking for an amateur humor blogger. And you look like one….no offence…ok…just checking if you are the blogger I am supposed to meet.”

“I am sorry. Don`t think I am the person you looking for. I am not an amateur.” An indignant me responded.

“You sure seem like you would be 165 cms tall. Can you stand up?”

“Hey listen girl…nobody measures me. Why don`t you wait for this stupid amateur blogger to turn up and leave me alone.”

We both waited for an hour before better sense prevailed and I walked up to her and said, “So, what is this amateur humor blogger`s url?”

“Ouchmytoe.com…why do you ask?”

Anyway, the point is…being a humor blogger isn`t great. You get insulted at every sentence of yours. It is like being a Himesh Reshammiya – kids, women & men make fun of you knowing fully well that you have been giving only hits!

Anyway, so this Gurgaon girl, who is now married and stays in Mumbai called me a few days back and said: “Hope you haven`t forgotten that my birthday is coming up.”

“Who is this and when is your birthday?” I fingered my glasses higher up my nose bridge.

“Jan 31…remember?”

“Ohh yeah. But you definitely don`t sound like Justin Timberlake!”
(Just in case you didn`t know Justin Timberlake celebrates his birthday on Jan 31 – of every year)

Finally, I recognized the voice and told her that I won`t be able to write a blog post on her birthday. I tried to reason out – wouldn`t a fourth post on a single girl upset the other ladies reading this blog? Moreover, she was now married and I had to tread carefully.

“Ohh come on. This would only mean more publicity. My husband would also read and he would also forward the post to his friends – more publicity!”

Before I kept the phone down, I did manage to tell her that I didn`t consider my obituary appearing in the newspaper as publicity.

The determined girl called me again.

“I want you to write a blog post on me, on my birthday – I have so gotten used to it in the last three years!”

I tried to explain it to her that she was being unreasonable. When my persuasion skills failed, I tried to use a story that always works: “Dear girl…you can`t always hope for everything in life. When I was a kid….I wanted to own a nice set of Reebok shoes….my father couldn`t afford it…and naturally I was really frustrated. It was then, that I saw a man without legs…and realized that while I was worried about not having Reebok shoes for my feet…there were people who didn`t have feet to wear shoes.”

Without batting an eye lid, she shouted over the phone: “But if he didn`t have feet to wear shoes…you could have borrowed his shoes. What use were they to him, anyway?”

So, ladies & gentlemen…here goes the forth free birthday post – with the promise that this will be the last one. As I said earlier…I don`t want free publicity.

More Funny Birthday Posts

# Today is my 33rd happy birthday
# Today is my ‘happy` birthday – 2007
# Rekha`s birthday – the best ever
# Celebrating birthday economy class
# It is my Happy Birthday today – 2006