I was born in Jamshedpur in 1975, which explains the first name.
If I had been born in Madurai, Ambattur, Palakkad, or anywhere else, life may have been simpler. But my parents were young, my father was in the Army, and Jamshedpur happened. So here we are.
Most people call me Jammy, mainly because saying “Jamshed Velayuda Rajan” fully requires a lot of effort.
I am a humour writer, children’s author, husband, father, failed scientist, successful kabaddi player, former corporate employee, struggling entrepreneur, relationship expert and an old man refusing to accept his age.
I write mostly about marriage, parenting, men, women, growing up in India, middle-class behaviour, and the small domestic tragedies that happen between tea and dinner.
I have already written three books:
Why Giraffes Have Long Necks and Other Stories
This is a collection of ten stories for children (4 to 8 year olds) about animals, plants and insects.
Why Pigs Have Curly Tails and Other Stories
Yet another collection of ten short stories with morals for kids aged 4 to 8 years.
Alien Troops Stop Human Poop
This is the first book in the series Rhea’s Summer Adventures. The book is ideal for children aged 8 to 15 and is about the exploits of Rhea, an adventurous girl who teams up with her grandma to save planet Earth from dangerous aliens.
I now plan to write two more books.
- The first is a funny take on the dynamics of relationships – the book’s focus is going to be how Indian men continue to walk into relationships without being prepared.
- The second is a funny take on growing up in 80s and 90s India – summer holidays without screens, Doordarshan, school punishments, steel dabbas, old houses, middle-class guests, parental discipline, forbidden cupboards, and the kind of childhood where boredom didn’t exist.
I am currently looking for publishers and book agents who may be interested in publishing me.
If you are one of them, please note that I am house-trained, deadline-friendly, and capable of writing with cups of tea for support. You can reach me at: jv.rajan@gmail.com
Before you do, here are a few things even the CIA & MOSSAD may not know about me.
I have a very unique name
Call it my father’s patriotism, or call it my own bad luck, but my name represents three prominent religions of India.
Jamshed brings in the Parsi flavour (even though back then my father thought Jamshed was a Muslim name)
Velayuda brings in the Hindu part.
Rajan sounds like it has wandered in from a Malayali Christian family.
Thankfully, my father did not insist on adding his own name before mine. Otherwise, many entrance exams would have ended before they began, because those old forms had only limited boxes for the candidate’s name. Read the full story
Chennai is home now, but I have been moving since childhood
My father came from a small village near Parthibanoor, a small town in Tamil Nadu. If he had stayed back with his goats, my life would have been simpler.
But he abandoned the goats, joined the Indian Army, and as a result we had to keep moving every few years.
From rajma-chawal of Jamshedpur to makki-di-roti and sarson-da-saag of Jalandhar to the kombidi-ka-piece of Kholapur to the mishti-doi of Kolkata, I have seen it all.
In 2021, I moved from Gurgaon to Chennai, which is now our home.
My first novel was written when I was 12
My first attempt at writing a novel happened when I was just 12 years old.
It was written in a double-line school notebook and titled The Sign of the Broken Spear.
I am glad nobody read it because it was fully inspired by Franklin W. Dixon’s The Sign of the Crooked Arrow.
At that age, I did not know the difference between “inspired by” and “copied with confidence.”
It is still somewhere in my house…but hidden from public view.
I was a renowned two-timer in school
When it came to relationships, I started young.
In the sixth standard, I believed I was dating both my science teacher and the chirpy class monitor, Gitanjali. Neither of them knew.
This is how most of my early love stories worked. They existed only inside my head, where the girl was impressed, and the background music was perfect.
I once crossed swords with my father over my love for a woman
As a boy, I once wrote a love letter to Doordarshan newsreader Geetanjali. Unfortunately, my father found it.
What I did not know then was that Geetanjali was also my father’s crush, which meant I was trespassing. Naturally, I got a good spanking.
Many fathers and sons have fought over land, inheritance, and family business….but I found with my dad over a woman.
I thought I was a scientist
As a child, I loved science so much that I thought I was destined to become a scientist.
I even had my own laboratory with rocks, plastic pieces, glass pieces, leaves, wires, and other things my mother probably wanted to throw away. I also made a microscope using a shoebox, a hollow agarbatti pipe, and a broken 100-watt bulb filled with water.
I would even embark on one of those walks of self-discovery because I was told that`s what scientists did. Stay aloof.
I have always taken risks
In the ninth standard, I once took two aluminium wires, inserted one end of both wires into the holes of an electrical socket, and immersed the other ends in a steel jar filled with water.
The idea was to heat the water.
The result was a blast that took out the main fuse of a 12-storey building with 48 houses. Worst part is…this happened minutes before Chitrahaar. I never told anyone that it was me.
Today I am glad I didn’t become a scientist.
I studied Economics because of Manmohan Singh
I studied B.A. Economics at the interestingly named The American College in Madurai.
In my first year, I scored 94 percent and, according to one professor, set a university record. I have no proof of this record, but when a professor says something nice about you, you must hold on to it for life.
I had no plan. Just that around that time, Dr. Singh had been named Asian Finance Minister of the Year, and like many young men with no clear plan, I had suddenly thought Economics was the way forward.
I have made mistakes in love
In college, I once wrote a love letter for Shalini Mohan, who used to come in my bus. Unfortunately, I gave it to her sister, Sunita Mohan, saying, “Please pass it on to your friend.”
Now, I didn’t know they were sisters because while Shalini had gone on her mother, Sunita had gone on her father.
The letter came back but the Amul chocolate which I had given along with the letter did not. I had given the chocolate because a male model had told me it was ‘a gift for someone you love.’
To this day, I do not know which sister ate it. This remains one of the great unsolved mysteries of my romantic life.
I was once the library man
In college, I would borrow huge, colourful books from the library because they helped me attract attention in the bus.
I would carry them around with the seriousness of a man of letters. Most of these books were returned unread.
Ironically, I was given the Best Bookkeeper award because the books came back in excellent condition.
I wanted to win an Olympic Medal for India
Until I joined Sify.com in 2001, I was very much a sports person.
I captained Tamil Nadu’s kabaddi team in a tournament in Jaipur, where I was selected for SGFI – the School Games Federation of India.
Later, I wanted to become a champion middle-distance runner (800 & 1500 meters) and I practised day and night at the Race Course Athletics Stadium in Madurai.
Then one day, while I was warming down, a man walked up to me and asked if I was open to sexual experimentation.
After that incident, I was scared to go to the stadium for practice, and my dreams of winning an Olympic Medal for India fizzled out.
So, who am I?
I am a writer who started with children’s stories and slowly became a man who writes about marriage, middle age, parenting, and the quiet wars fought inside homes.
I believe humour is not just about making people laugh. It is also a way of saying difficult things without making everyone leave the room.
Am I India’s funniest writer yet? Maybe. Maybe not. Read my articles and decide for yourself.
But if you are a publisher or book agent looking for a funny, Indian, middle-class voice with enough material to embarrass himself for many years, I am available. Call me @ 9650080255.