Email exchanges between five consenting, cheating adults

This blog post has been inspired by a book called ‘E` written by Matt Beaumont, a talented writer. The book is set in an Ad Agency called Miller Shanks in London and is written as a series of mails. Just mails exchanged between the colleagues and nothing else. So, here is my attempt in copying that style. Buy the Book Here

eMail Exchanges
As much as possible, avoid eMail exchanges. Call instead.

The five characters in this story are:

JV Rajan: A 34 year old male internet addict working with ibibo.com

Rekha TP: Rajan`s wife, who has mothered a two and a half year old baby called Rhea with Rajan and has just now entered the 6th year of marriage.

Priyanka Chopra: Rajan`s love interest. A 29 year old Delhi girl who also loves Rajan

Biju Anand: Rekha`s love interest. He first proposed to Rekha when they were in standard 10 together. Is still unmarried and hopes for the thunder to wipe out Rajan.

Rakesh Jha: Priyanka`s full time boyfriend. An engineering student who has been looking for a job for the last two years

This set of emails begin on October 20, when Rajan comes to know that he has to go to Cape Town, South Africa for a few days.

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 4.00 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Traveling

Hey Love, I will have to catch a flight for Cape Town on 25th Oct. And am back only on 30th. Can`t make it this weekend. Save yourself for me (also save the pink one for the weekend after). So what do you want from Cape Town?

Love,
R

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 4.03 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Official Travel

I will be off for a few days to South Africa. Pack my green trolley. Dress code: Casual.

Cheers

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 7.13 p.m.
From: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Traveling

That`s so sweet love. I will so …so…so…miss you. I will save the pink for you. Did I tell you about the new black one? Promise me we will meet the next weekend…can`t wait to pounce on you. By the way, I have also bought tiger & rabbit paint. Now decide soon what you want to become when we meet – tiger or rabbit?

What will you bring me? Something real small, and needless to say expensive.

Your dearie,
PC

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 8.53 p.m.
From: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Official Travel

I have packed your stuff. Though, you could have also done it at leisure – it is five more days to your travel. Rhea will miss you.

And are you traveling alone or with colleagues? Are the travel dates fixed? Or are you expecting a change?

When are you reaching home? Food is ready….should I heat it now?

Your wifey,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 9.13 p.m.
From: Rekha.tp@gmail.com To:
CC: biju-anand@live.com
BCC:
Subject: We can meet again!

Sweetheart, I have some good news and bad news. My husband is traveling again. The bad news is, he is out of the country only for five days- from 26th to 30th of this month. You think you can make it to Gurgaon?

I know…all the cocaine has left your wallet empty. But I can buy you tickets, if you promise to wake up when Gurgaon arrives? With so much security, can`t risk air travel with you can we?

Can`t use my credit card…so will have to go to the railway booking center…so you need to tell me in advance.

Your true love,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 9.10 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Official Travel

I am leaving in another five minutes. Keep food warm. Am tired, so will hit the bed right after dinner.

The start date of the travel is fixed. But might get extended to the weekend…and we might be forced to see the South African Safari. Apparently, there is a Tiger-Rabbit chase that is nice to watch.

Cheers

– – – X – – –

20 October, 2009 | 7.13 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com

CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Traveling

My apple pie…I am trying to tell my wife that my stay in South Africa might get extended. We can then spend the whole weekend together. Will your neighbors turn suspicious? Though, I wonder how they can get suspicious if we spend all the time inside your bedroom.

Between the Tiger and the Rabbit…eat me! You know how much I love it when you hunt me down, pin me to the wall and eat me. Let`s not change the roles please.

Black then, if I manage to extend SA trip unofficially and spend the weekend with you.

My boring house wife is waiting for me to reach home early and have our dinner while watching Big Boss Season 3. Pity Me.

Love,
R

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 3.13 a.m.
From: biju-anand@live.com
To: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: We can meet again!

I would so love to visit Gurgaon when your husband is away. When you courier me the tickets also send in at least Rs 5000 in cash. I need money to spend on my way – it is at least 2 days by train.

What do you want from here in Kerala?

Your true love,
Biju Baby

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 10.45 a.m.
From: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Meeting a Girl Friend

I won`t be home from 12 noon to 4 p.m.. I am meeting an ex-colleague of mine. Don`t surprise yourself by coming home for lunch…I won`t be there.

How is work? I hope all preparations are on for your SA trip. I know how much you want to go to South Africa – I hope the trip is on and there are no last minute cancellations.

Wifey,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 11.05 a.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Meeting a Girl Friend

No sweat. I will be busy at work as well. Carry on. Pass on my love to this girl friend of yours. Have I seen her?

Yours sincerely,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 7.13 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com

CC:
BCC:
Subject: Excitement

I am so thrilled thinking of spending the whole weekend together. Why didn`t you respond to my question on neighbours?

Love,
R

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 7.23 p.m.
From: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Excitement

Was held up with work sweetheart. I am also really thrilled…been a long while since we did some role playing. Spending the weekend is fine.

Have told my neighbours already that my brother will be visiting me next weekend.

You haven`t responded to my question on the gift. I heard South Africa is good with diamonds? Apparently, they have lots of diamond mines. Check this Wikipedia link if you don`t believe me – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mining_industry_of_South_Africa

Your apple pie in black,
P

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 7.25 p.m.
From: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: rakesh.jha@hotmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: My apologies

Dear Rakesh,

Looks like we have to change our plans for the next weekend. I might have to go to Chandigargh for a research. My boss will be traveling with me so will be inaccessible by phone as well.

Will buzz you the moment I am back in Gurgaon. Most likely Sunday evening.

Don`t worry, will save both the pink and black for you. I have bought Tiger paint and rabbit paint….waiting to see you wear the tiger paint and pounce on me.

Your lovey-dovey,
Priyanka

– – – X – – –

21 October, 2009 | 8.26 p.m.
From: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: biju-anand@live.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Re: We can meet again!

Just couriered you your railway tickets. Had Rs 4000 in hand…have couriered that too.

Don`t carry too much cocaine…sometimes there are police in the trains as well. And don`t snort before you hit the bed in the train…Gurgaon station isn`t the last station and don`t want to waste time driving to Jaipur to pick you up.

Remember, you did this when Rajan last went to South Africa?

Travel light…you can use Rajan`s clothes.

All I want from Kerala, is the true love that I saw in your eyes when I was in class ten.

Your true love,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

22 October, 2009 | 4.41 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Re: Excitement

I get the hint lady. To get a diamond, I might have to use the credit card which could mean trouble (the statement comes home, you see).

Will try and get something real nice for you – something that`s small but not necessarily as costly as a diamond.

Wish we could go together…would have been awesome. The weather is also cold and windy…we could have stayed indoors the whole trip. But unfortunately, this is an official trip.

Your brown bunny,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

22 October, 2009 | 4.51 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: rekha.tp@gmail.com

CC:
BCC:
Subject: Gift

So, what do you want from Cape Town? Ask for something that a young girl like you would want…something that`s small and yet not as costly as a diamond. You know that with the EMIs we have to pay, I won`t be able to afford a diamond for you.

Your hubby,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

22 October, 2009 | 7.53 p.m.
From: rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com

CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Gift

I will tell you what I want from Cape Town, after we finish watching Big Boss Season 3. Hope that`s fine.

But why the sudden affection?

Your wifey,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

22 October, 2009 | 8.15 p.m.
From: rakesh.jha@hotmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: My apologies

Priyanka,

Hope your boss and you are booked in different rooms. Remember, I have friends in Chandigarh who can come and check on you if I suspect anything.

What are you getting for me from Chandigarh?

Your dude,
Rakesh

– – – X – – –

23 October, 2009 | 4.15 p.m.
From: biju-anand@live.com
To: Rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Re: Re: We can meet again!

Got the tickets and the money. You are a sweetheart.

I have already started practicing kissing in front of the mirror, so that I don`t disappoint when we meet.

I promise not to fill the slot I have created on my shoe`s sole for cocaine. I will only fill it half….because I love you and respect your concerns.

Do Gurgaon police accept bribe? I have lost weight since we last met, so Rajan`s clothes won`t fit me…and it won`t look nice if we go out. But then, do we have plans to go outdoors? I would rather we stayed at home. What say?

Your true Malayali love,
Biju Baby

– – – X – – –

23 October, 2009 | 6.44 p.m.
From: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Excitement

OK fine I forgive you. Don`t get me something that`s small and costly. If it isn`t a diamond, I want something that`s big and also costly.

You can take cash from India, you know…if you want to avoid the credit card.

By what time do you think we will wind up on Sunday evening? I wanted to know because I have to make a couple of office related calls on Sunday evening.

Your apple pie (now in sky blue),
P

– – – X – – –

23 October, 2009 | 6.48 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: rekha.tp@gmail.com

CC:
BCC:
Subject: Gift – Change of mind

I have changed my mind on what to get you from Cape Town. Now, I want it to be something that`s big and also costly. What would it be? Anything in particular that comes to your mind? Give me couple of options.

And don`t mail back saying you will tell me after watching Big Boss Season 3….you always sleep off by the time it ends.

Your hubby,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

23 October, 2009 | 7.28 p.m.
From: rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Gift – Change of mind

Frankly, I only want you to come back safely. Always keep me informed on what you are doing and where you are….that is all I ask. Nothing else.

Your hubby,
Rajan

October 24 & 25 were Saturday and Sunday….and nobody checked or responded to mails. And Rajan, left for Cape Town on Sunday evening.

26 October, 2009 | 4.22 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: rekha.tp@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Reached

Reached Cape Town. Good room with a good view. Busy now…have to rush for conference. Will call you later.

I am coming back only by Sunday late night. That`s confirmed.

Your hubby,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

26 October, 2009 | 4.22 p.m.
From: jv.rajan@gmail.com
To: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Reached

Hey my crispy finger chips,
Have reached Cape Town. The flight took off on time and had good company during the flight. The air hostess were nothing when compared against you….where do these airlines recruit from anyway? Jharkhand Hinterland?

My room has excellent view and wish you were here. We could have just wrapped the soft, white blankets and stood next to the huge windows and watched the yatchs though out the day.

There is a huge bath tub as well, where we could have played a Pomfret and a Piranha game as well. I miss you.

The conference begins only tomorrow…and nothing to do now besides staring at the sea from my room. Catch you when you come online.

Your fruit cake walking naked,
Rajan

– – – X – – –

26 October, 2009 | 8.20 p.m.
From: rekha.tp@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Reached

Both Rhea and I miss you. Got late in replying because had gone to pick up a girl friend of mine from the railway station. Her first time in Gurgaon…no actually second time….and she needed a place to stay. I have asked her to stay with us.

Focus on the conference. Don`t need to call…I can understand. Just drop in a mail whenever you have time and I will respond

Waiting for it to be Sunday. 

Your wifey,
Rekha

– – – X – – –

26 October, 2009 | 9.22 p.m.
From: priyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Re: Reached

My dear, Hyderabadi Chicken Briyani,

Wish I was there too. You are making me yearn for you….now I have that tingling sensation that I have whenever I think of you.

I will try and see if there is a Pomfret and a Piranha paint that`s available in the market. Maybe not in a bath tub…but we could at least play that game under the shower. Should I ask for water proof colors?

I will always be in your thoughts. And listen…you don`t need to waste your money on international calls…just drop in mails whenever possible and I will respond. OK?

Nothing here too,
Priyanka

– – – X – – –

26 October, 2009 | 9.28 p.m.
From: prinyanka-chopra@gmail.com
To: rakesh.jha@hotmail.com
CC:
BCC:
Subject: Can you come?

Hey Rakesh,

Tried your mobile couple of times…it is switched off. Can you come now? I have that tingling sensation that comes up whenever I feel like meeting you?

Thought, if we can`t meet the coming weekend why not meet now itself?

Your spice girl,
P

The mails & the relationships continued well into the future…

Other Funny Reads

Funny Post 1: Seating arrangement in relationships change with time
Funny Post 2: When my mom boards the airplane…
Funny Post 3: Do all married men need mistresses?

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27 thoughts on “Email exchanges between five consenting, cheating adults

  1. 1 November, 2009 | 11.28 p.m.
    From: un_scrupulous@gmail.com
    To: jv rajan@hotmail.com
    CC:
    BCC:
    Subject: Photos

    Dear Mr. Rajan

    I have some photos of you taken when you were in Cape Town, which PC and Rehka would like to have. What I have in mind is something very big and very very expensive. I will contact you shortly.

    Regards
    unscrupulous

    P.S. I would also like to know how Tiger and Rabbit is played- U

  2. just mind blowing…enjoyed reading it and wish there were more… 🙂 missed your blogs… keep writing Jammy!!! By the way, what was Rhea’s reaction on meeting uncle ‘Biju-Baby’? 🙂

  3. really hilarious!! waiting fr the sequel..! 🙂 I agree with Shail, i also noticed the wrong signature in the mail dated Oct23 from Rekha..anyways tat ws quite trivial..i really enjoyed readin this one!

  4. brown bunny..fruit cake walking naked.. HAHAHA I just fell of my chair Jammy..hilarious.. but man all your fantasies are coming to the fore.. sick fella..keep it coming.. let us see what biriyani you are going to make next 🙂

  5. 23 October, 2009 | 7.28 p.m.
    From: rekha.tp@gmail.com
    To: jv.rajan@gmail.com
    CC:
    BCC:
    Subject: Re: Gift – Change of mind

    Frankly, I only want you to come back safely. Always keep me informed on what you are doing and where you are….that is all I ask. Nothing else.

    Your hubby,
    Rajan

    It should have been
    your wifey
    Rekha

    :p

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