If you have read me enough, you will know that before meeting me, Rekha’s dream was to marry a tall Malayali man with a thick moustache and a Royal Enfield.
Basically, she wanted a man who could ride through the Western Ghats, stop near a tea shop in Wayanad, remove his helmet in slow motion, and make three women forget their husbands’ names.
And then she married me.
By marrying me, Rekha fulfilled exactly 0% of her wishes – I am not tall, I am not Malayali, I have never had a thick moustache and I have never owned a Royal Enfield.
But is Rekha happy? Yes. I think so.
So the real question is: how did a woman who wanted a tall Malayali with a thick moustache and Royal Enfield end up being happy with me?
The answer, ladies and gentlemen, is simple – we Rajans are wife-friendly men.
And there are two main reasons for this:
1) We are conversationalists
2) We keep changing our goalposts (I will explain)
Both qualities are very important for a happy marriage. The first trait helps you talk your way into the woman’s heart and the second trait helps you stay happy so you don’t mess up the woman’s life.
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Let us first discuss the conversationalist part.
There are broadly three kinds of men in this world.
//Type of men who can’t converse//
They will sit in the house like furniture. Their wife may tell them about office, children, maid, mother, school, neighbour, plumber, milkman, gas cylinder, etc…but the man will keep looking into his mobile and say, “Hmm.”
That’s all. This is the worst kind of husband to have.
//Type of men who listen//
These men are slightly better.
They will make eye contact, nod at the right places, and occasionally say things like, “Oh,” “Really?” and “Then what happened?”
If you are a woman and your man falls into this category, please don’t complain too much.
You may not have got the Husband Pro Max model, but at least the basic functions are working.
//Type of men who also ask questions//
Men who not only listen, but also ask questions in between are rare. I suggest you guard him with your life.
Even within the men who ask questions, there are a few types –
For a moment let’s suppose the wife is telling her husband about a fight she had with a colleague.
A normal man will say, “Why don’t you ignore her?”
A better man will say, “What happened…is she like this only with you?”
A super conversationalist will ask, “But why did she say that after you had already sent the mail and also gone up to her desk and reminded her in person?”
Such men don’t just listen to the words coming out of your mouth but are also following the plots and sub-plots in your story.
Women love men who follow the plot.
This is why over the years, whenever I have worked with unmarried women, I have often advised (mostly unsolicited!) them to opt for a conversationalist over the handsome hunk.
The handsome hunk may look good in photos, and make other women jealous of you…but that’s about it.
After ten years of marriage, what will you do with a man with a good jawline? You need a man who can sit, listen, and ask, “But why did she say that?”
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Now let us come to the second quality that makes Rajans wife-friendly….the ability to keep changing our goalposts.
My advice to women: please stay away from men who have fixed goalposts in life.
They will say, “By 35 I must become vice president.”
“By 40 I must own a villa.”
“By 45 I must retire.”
The poor wife has to live according to his timetable. Worst is if the man does not reach these goals, he will become upset, bitter, and angry and start blaming everyone except himself.
But if you are a man who keeps changing goalposts according to changing conditions, then life becomes beautiful. That’s why we Rajans can never fully fail.
Let me explain with a recent badminton tournament.
On 25 July, I participated in a doubles badminton tournament at our club.
There were ten teams, five teams in Group A, five teams in Group B (my group).
My original partner was Janani, a fellow shuttler from my club. She has super-fast reflexes, because of which I gave her the nickname “Cat Woman.”
Janani and I practised together for three weeks. And being the dreamer that I am, I started openly announcing that we were targeting the finals.
I didn’t want to win the cup…I just wanted to reach the finals.
Many of my fellow shuttlers laughed…but without dreams, what is life?
Then fate entered….and a few days before the tournament, Janani told me she had to go to Namakkal on an urgent visit and would not be able to play. Just like that, my Cat Woman disappeared.
But as they say, luck favours the brave. Thamizh, another lady shuttler from our club, who was not available earlier, agreed to become my partner. Now, Thamizh is a super fit, strong and disciplined gym trainer.
For a day-long tournament where we may have to play six or seven matches if we progress, she was ideal. But she did not have Janani’s super-fast reflexes.
So being a sensible man, I immediately changed the goalpost.
With Thamizh, the new goal became: topping the group and entering semi-finals.
Some men would have remained stuck to the old goal….but not me. I am flexible.
On the day of the tournament, we had to play four group matches. The top two teams from each group would qualify for the semi-finals.
As planned, we won our first match and our plan to top the group was intact.
Then we played the second match and lost. This was unfortunate….but did I panic?
No…I didn’t…because I am a Rajan. I immediately changed the goalpost.
Now the goal was no longer topping the group – it was to at least come second and qualify for the semis.
Then we played the third match….and unfortunately lost that as well.
Now the semi-final dream had started packing its bags to leave. But did we collapse? No, we didn’t. Instead, I changed the goalpost again.
Now the goal was: can we at least not finish last in the group?
Then came the fourth match…which we started losing from the first point of the first set itself.
We were three points away from losing our third consecutive match when while trying to retrieve the shuttle Thamizh fractured a bone in her leg.
She was in terrible pain, and we had to give a walkover. And with that, Thamizh and I became the last team in Group B.
If this had happened to a fixed-goalpost man, he would have gone home sad, sat in silence, and maybe blamed his partner, and the unfairness of life. And by doing all that, the man would have made his wife’s life sad.
But I didn’t do all that. As soon as we came last in the group in this tournament, I moved my goal post – now I want to reach the finals of the next tournament.
A man who moves goal posts may not win many tournaments, but he will remain happy after losing them.