Travel

Flirting with an air hostess with a baby in hand

This is the story of me flirting with an air hostess with a baby in hand and my wife in tow. Here is how it happened –

My daughter Rhea, my wife Rekha and I left Gurgaon on Wednesday morning and reached Madurai in the evening – all for 3-4 days of Diwali celebration with friends & relatives.

These were the glory days of Air Deccan Airlines. Vijaya Mallaya was still rich and had just bought Air Deccan with his eyes closed. Needless to say Deepika Padukone had not ditched Sid Mallaya yet. All this is besides the point, but you get the drift.

As I was saying, our choice of flight was Air Deccan and interestingly they don’t want their patrons to buy tickets for kids below one year of age. Since the travel was free, we decided to take our 8-month-old baby girl along on the trip.

Traveling with a baby is a difficult ball game. When we left home, we had three hand baggages – my laptop, Rhea`s baby bag and Rhea herself. By the time we reached the airport, dressed in our woollens (because were out of the bed at an unearthly hour of 8 a.m.), we had decided to check in my laptop and carry just two hand baggages – baby Rhea and her baby bag.

By the time we had checked in, my daughter had given me enough indications about her career she was interested in – she was smiling at every Tom, Beep & Harry – like a true blue air hostess. For a moment, I did accept that as a career option for my 8-month-old daughter but when I realized that she would be exposed to 40-year-old, sex-starved men, shamelessly staring at her even with their wives were in tow I started having second thoughts. Even as I type this, I am thinking of a good career option for my daughter. The good old middle class dream – a District Collector maybe?

Carrying a baby isn`t all that bad, for an Air Deccan ground staff asked us to wait for a personal shuttle to drop us near the airplane. Unfortunately, it wasn`t as personal as one would have thought for when we boarded the shuttle, there were three women above 60 and one man above 65 waiting for us – and we aren`t talking of their weights in Kgs.

While boarding the plane, I caught one air hostess named ‘Deepti` eyeing my broad shoulders and healthy chest and perhaps wondering: “How good would it be to just rest my head on them and feel safe and secure?”

We wouldn`t proceed further on the issue because I caught this air-hostess eyeing another handsome man soon after. Note to self: Check if ‘misleading` is a synonym for ‘Beauty`.

As we settled down, two air hostesses and one lonely male cabin crew member gave away the emergency instructions. I wonder if these instructions are really useful. I remember listening to them patiently during my first few trips and now I don’t even bother to look up. When it comes to the post-boarding safety instructions I have two concerns:

If frequent fliers are like me don`t listen to instructions, are frequent fliers most likely to die in an emergency landing?

If 1 in every 1,100 trips has an emergency landing, why can`t these safety instructions be read out on those trips alone?

After sitting through the emergency instructions session which seemed longer than a Liciano Pavarotti opera, a pretty air hostess walked up to me. Even if I had my eyes closed, I would have told you that she was 36-28-36 by the micro seconds it took between two heel digs on the floor.

As I closed my eyes in prayer, this girl said: “Sir, is she your daughter?”

“I said yes.” It felt sad to be breaking her bubble, but I didn`t like the thought of she kissing me in front of my wife.

“Would you be carrying her while the flight takes off?”

“Yes,” I said. I wish, I could have said, “Hey, I am just kidding. She isn`t my daughter. I am just holding my co-passenger`s daughter” – and point towards my wife sitting next to me.

What I heard next, was a message from heaven. She said: “Sir, to avoid discomfort during flight takeoff and landing I suggest breastfeeding.”

I looked at Rekha, and she was busy thumbing through the shopping options in the in-flight magazine.

I turned towards the pretty air hostess, gave her my hundred dollar smile and said: “Great, so where do we meet as soon as the lights are switched off for take-off? Do you really want to do it at the time of landing as well?”

After 13 minutes:

I wonder why, when I asked for cotton for my baby`s ears when she started crying during the take off the same air hostess refused to acknowledge my existence.

118 Comments

    1. Dear Warlock, thanks. appreciate you bothering to leave a comment. may i request one thing: next time…please leave a comment only if u feel dissatisfied with the article.

      *This way, i can say that all the non-commentors (99% of the readers) are satisfied with the funny quotient of the article

  1. Jammy,
    Happy Diwali to you,Rekha and Rhea. Great post. I liked the the Tom,Beep and Harry,bit. What is your zodiac? Must be sign of the Air (Gemini/Libra/Aquarius). Any post on air hostesses are brilliant.

  2. Hahahahaha…
    hehehehehe…
    Nice one mate…
    Just one question, how did u know tht air-hostess’ name was Dipti? And how cud u read her thoughts? 😉

    1. Arshat…i checked out her name tag. While on name tags…their placement seems to be an international conspiracy by the men. Why do you think pretty women are asked to wear their name plates above the pockets? An excuse for staring?

      “Sir, aren’t you staring?”
      “No Madam, I am just trying to figure out your name.”
      “Sir, that doesn’t take more than 10 seconds but you have been staring for last ten minutes.”
      “I know…but I was just practicing how D-I-A should be pronounced.”

        1. Arshat, pls don’t fall for that…thats a decoy. But wait till there are enough women in the uniformed services…men’s name tags would be on their bums!

          “Can you please turn a bit…i didn’t quite get your name?!”

  3. lol, yeart@you saying those dialogs to her! Making out while landing indeed.

    In any case, guys with babies in their arms are definite magnets for chicks. They are safe, experienced and know how to treat a girl gently. Or so I am told. 😉

    1. Rads…totally. In fact…i am just wondering if i should change my nickname from ‘jammy’ to ‘Chick Magnet’.

      The future seems all the more rosy, what with meeting single, married mothers who will bring along their daughters/sons for Piano lessons, Music classes, karate sessions etc

    1. WrongOne….to give you an anology…

      Think of Godfather…with all his experience (and age), he needs only 30 seconds to finish off a man (or woman)…..but a new recruit will need days of planning and days for execution.

      Moral of the story: If one (or two) people can finish it in 13 minutes flat…pls don’t make fun of them. For all you know…they are lying about the time or lying all the time…if you know what I mean!

  4. Amazing that you weren’t thrown off the plane by Rekha & the airhostess!:-)….As an afterthought,I hate Air Deccan,the one time I flew with them,I had a horrible experience!

    1. Shravanthi…as for why i wasn’t thrown out of the plane…I had actually taken some ‘air’ hostess and held the cabin crew at bay!

      BTW, Air deccan is better now a days…looks like the King Fisher deal has had a rub off…

  5. Funny Funny ..

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  6. I AM A STUDENT OF M.COM.I want to know that is kingfisher institute of airhostess training is going to open in ahmedabad? but I belive kingfisher institute.

  7. My girlfriend did a course of one year in a recognised training centre. Will you refer me some well job Prospects, techniques or any web site so that i can help her. Please try to provide me your kind help to help.

  8. CURRICULUM VITAE

    PRIYANKA GHOSH.
    c/o A.Ghosh.
    Dr.no. 38-19-55.
    Jyothinagar,
    Marripalem,
    Visakhapatnam-530018

    Contact no: 9441789747
    Mobile no: 9989277417
    Email: coolbabe_piyu@yahoo.co.in

    OBJECTIVE
    To become an airhostess in an airline. To give my hundred percent to it by doing my level best for the passengers & the company.

    Personal details:
    Date of birth: 11 june 1989.
    Height: 158cms.
    Weight: 50 kgs.
    Marital status: Unmarried.
    Sex: female.
    Nationality: Indian.
    Eye sight: Normal.

    Qualification:
    > Pursuing 1-yr diploma course in frankfinn institute Vizag(2007-08).
    -curriculum includes:
    -Basic Cabin Crew training.
    -Galilio (computer reservation system for airlines.)
    -First aid certificate from Red Cross.
    -swimming.
    >Pursuing graduation in commerce from Bulayya College.
    >XII (CBSE) from kendriya vidyalaya Vizag(2007).
    >X (CBSE) from kendriya vidyalaya Chennai (2005).

    Language skills
    >Fluent in English & Hindi.
    >working knowledge in Bengali & Tamil.

    Computer skills
    >Basic knowledge in MS Word & MS Excel.

    Special achievement
    >1st prize in Solo Dance Competition from Kalabharti Auditorium Vizag (2007).
    >3rd prize in Youth Parliament in Regional Competition in Chennai (2006).

    Hobbies & Other interest
    >cooking Bengali Cuisine.
    >Folk & western dance.
    >Oil pastel coloring & Water painting.

    Personal statements
    Iam a hard working girl who has a positive attitude towards the job. Iam an extrovert who can make friends easily.Iam confident,active & can handle any situation with an ease.

  9. i am urooj from karachi pakistan i want to become an air host and i am a medical student contact me if there is any vanancy

  10. hello! m sana m from p.k sailkot i want to become a air hostess now m doing B.B.A (HONS) and i need a job plz give me a chance plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  11. i want to become a air hostess now m doing B.A and plzz if there is any vacancy contact with me plzzzzzzzzz
    i need a job plz give me a chance plzzzzzzzzzzzz

  12. I would Like Be an air hosstess and i have done my Basic Cabin Crew traning as well.I’m 26 year old And I Have 3 Month experience In Internationl Bpo For The Uk Shift.Presently I’m doing my job……Thank U

  13. the last quarter of the comments seem to be coming from girls who wannabe air-hostess, and iam sure kingfisher and mr.mallya aren’t hiring through our babe-magnet mr.rajan… rekha will be mad at you girls if you keep putting up your resumes, and rajan will be mad at me for suggesting ya’ll to stay away from him… lol ! ;))

  14. CURRICULAM VITAE

    MEMON AQSA
    B# 25, Pak Land Bungalows
    Near Govt Girls College
    Qasimabad Hyderabad

    Personal:
    Father’s Name: Bashir Ahmed Memon
    Date of Birth: 31-03-1980
    NIC: 45402-0880772-6
    Domicile: NawabShah
    Gender: Female
    Marital Status: Married
    Nationality: Pakistani
    Contact No (03332712486)
    Email: Aqsa_memon@hotmail.com
    aqsabashir@live.com
    a_qsa@live.com
    maqsa50@yahoo.com

    OBJECTIVE

    A position in any organization that utilizes my advance skills & abilities and practice in a progressive and dynamic environment.

    ACADEMIC QUALIFICATION:

    Name of institute Year Degree Class

    University of Sindh Jamshoro 2009 MBA 1st Class
    Hyderabad

    University of Sindh Jamshoro 2004 BSIT 1st Class
    Hyderabad

    Government girls College 1998 Intermediate 2nd Class
    Nawabshah

    Govt Girls High School 1996 Matriculation 2nd Class
    Nawabshah

    WORKING KNOWLEDGE:

     Window 95, 98, 2000 & ME
     Window NT Workstation, Advance Server
     Basic, Visual Basic, C/C ++, HTML, ORACLE, Java Script, ASP
     MS-Word, MS-Excel, MS-PowerPoint
     Trouble Shooting

    EXPERIENCE:

     2 years experience as computer Admin Cum Instructor in Community
    Development Collage Mehrabpur.

    OTHER ACTIVITY:

    1. Reading news papers, magazines and journals
    2. Playing physical and computer based mental games
    3. Attending seminars and exhibition

    LANGIUAGE ABILITY:

    LANGUAGE READING WRITING SPEAKING
    English Excellent Excellent Fair
    Urdu Excellent Excellent Excellent
    Sindhi Excellent Excellent Excellent

    RESUME SUBMITTED IN CONFIDENCE

  15. i have passed the Fsc (pre medical)in session 2009. i have want the airhostess job opportunities in pakistani and other airline searching.please gave me this opportunities. i shall thankful for ur this kindness

  16. assalam walaikum, my name is nagina im from pak i want to became a airhostest this is my dream plz any body help me for this plz plz plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  17. ASSALAM-O-ALIKUM:My name is Nida kiran.I have been passed my B-SC final. i have want the airhostess job opportunities in pakistan.please gave me this opportunities.I am very eager to become airhostess it’s my biggest dream.please help me as soon as possible.please help me Madam/SIR i shall thankful for ur this kindness for my whole life.

  18. hallo
    assalam-o-alycom
    i need this job very much for my up growing children,i m 26years old.i have passed B.COM.
    now i m in dubai. i and my mother thankfull to u if u give me one chance.
    i m very smart and very good looking this thinking is my mother and my realitives.
    GOD BLESSE EVERY ONE

  19. i want to become an airhostess not for money ………..because its my passion….i m goodlooking………..i have two dimple on my face…..plz give me1 chance….

  20. My name is Subramanyam. I have been completed Bsc (mecs). My ambition is become a air hostess. Im gud looking. Please give me a one chance. plz…….. Plz any one help me plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….

  21. hy girls how are u if ur interested in air line or any other job thn contect me my cell no 03129007878 urs wellwihser

  22. Hello
    i want to become an air hostess plz guide me how i could be???

    i have done my 3rd year in nursing education…
    and my desire is to become an air hostess please assist me…
    thanks…

  23. i passad b.a last year.i am searching for job…….i am free for last one year ……..if you have any requirement please give me a chance.i will try my level best in any field….

  24. HI,I LOVE THIS JOB N I WANT BECOME AN AIR HOSTESS PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. IM LOOKING HOT N CUTE .PLZZZZZZZZZZ THINK ABAOT ME .IM W8ING

  25. DEAR SIR/MADAM,
    WE ARE LOOKING SOME ground staff, Cabin Crew, Airhostess, Back office, Front office. Immediate Vacancy in Airline. M/F Both Can Apply. Call Immediately.
    PLS. CONTACT TO RELATED AIR LINES JOBS. URGENLY
    MUKUL GUPTA
    MANIK PLACEMENT
    ROORKEE
    PH: – 09045809763
    EMAIL ID: – manikplacement@yahoo.co.in

  26. hii,,girls or boys u can contact me for cabin crew jobs in all airlines in india,,or u can contact my working no, 9958730609.thankz

  27. my name is sana hanif. m young and energetic girl of 22 year. i want to become a airhostes and its also my dream.sir/madma kindly give me one chance.i ll prove my abilities.i ll wait foe your answer. plz plz plz plz ppppllllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz give me one chance.

  28. dear sir assalam walaikum sir i want to become a air hostess because i need it so much and air hostess job is so much charming job and it also have attractive salary.sir we r only three sisters and our father,s dead due to the disease of liver and we have no male member in our family and we need a job sir i am graduate from the punjab university and nowadays i am doing a job in consultants office sir please if u have any vacancy of airhostess then inform me on this number 0323-8883828or0324-4625195 ok bye tc.

  29. i want to be a air hosstress because iam good looking……………………so plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz give me change sir or madam i want to beeeeeeeeeeee…………………….

  30. my name is shenza kanwal. i m young and energetic girl of 25 year. i want to become a airhostes and its also my dream.sir/madma kindly give me one chance.i ll prove my abilities.i ll wait for your answer. thanks

  31. SIR,I want to become an air hostess if u have any vacancy then reply on email addree.its my big dream and passion.sir i also want to support my mother and family.
    Regards,
    Maryam Mumtaz.

  32. SIR,i am sidra saif, gave my B.com examination, kindly invite me ,as air hostess, im interested, in this job.My height is 5.7 and good personality, kindly consider my case on periority basis.

  33. sir i m mehwish sana . sir i want to become an airhotess its my dream … sir plzzz plzzz i request you if u have any vacancy then reply on my email address…sir i want to support my family …..i shall be very greatfull to you if you help me plzzz

  34. Dear Sir / Madam,

    My specialty is professional graphic designing like:
    Company profile, catalogue, brochure,
    Fashion magazines, Jewellery Brochure,
    New Year Calendars, Diaries, Gift items,
    Cosmetics brochures, Billboards, Annual Report,
    Magazines, Posters, Brochures, Stationary,
    Visiting Cards, Letterheads, Menus, etc..

    Designed:
    Beaconhouse School System Magazines,
    BLL Magazine, The Educators School Books,
    Nizam Sons Catalogue,GCU prospectus,
    BNU prospectus, Atichison College prospectus,
    KEMCU prspectus, LUMS prospectus. etc..

    Photography:
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    Printing:
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  35. this has been my dream job sir. please help me get a job as one i really love being a air hostess kindly contact me on +256776537534 i will prove my ability. i will be more grateful and waiting for the reply.

  36. hi

    wann a airlines career…i worked till snr cce in backoffice pls get me further in airlines….if anyone there pls call or sms at shek : 9971248640…also flirt with u…

    bye
    shek

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