When I was studying BA Economics, one of my professors had said that if there were two economists in a room, there would be at least three theories. He said this was because economics is a complex social science based on human behaviour.
Over the years, I have realised that the same rule applies to women and packing. If two women are packing, there will be at least three suitcases. And one extra handbag, which will have another smaller pouch inside.
A few months back, we were packing for a road trip within Tamil Nadu – three days across Pondicherry and the temple town of Chidambaram.
As soon as Rekha placed the three suitcases on the bed and opened them, she asked, “What’s our itinerary for the three days?”
That’s when it struck me that while packing, men and women think differently.
A man hears “road trip” and figures he needs five items in his suitcase – T-shirts, shorts, pants, underwear and charger.
A woman hears “road trip” and goes, “I need to know exactly where we are going and what we are doing.”
As I stood there dumbfounded, my daughter joined in, “Come on, Dad…what’s the plan for the three days?”
I knew what we were going to do, but hadn’t firmed up an itinerary yet.
“Just pick up your best clothes from the cupboard and throw them into the suitcase,” I suggested.
Both Rekha and Rhea looked at each other, and then at me, as if I had just said that Adolf Hitler, and not Gautama Buddha, had founded Buddhism.
I lifted both my palms upwards and asked, “What?”
That’s when both the ladies of the house came closer, put their hands on my shoulder, pushed me down and made me sit on the bed in the little space left after keeping three open suitcases.
Once I was settled, Rekha started: “Rajan, please stop looking at a vacation as a vacation.”
“So what should I look at it as?” I asked.
Rhea jumped in, “Appa, a vacation is a series of clothing-related events.”
Before a surprised me could even say, “What?” Rekha added, “Exactly! Vacations are opportunities to dress up well and take good photos in locations you won’t otherwise go to.”
I shook my head in frustration and got up from the bed.
But Rhea pushed me back and continued, “Appa, have you seen Alia Bhatt’s airport look?”
I looked blank, indicating that I didn’t know what Rhea was talking about.
As Rhea took her mobile and googled “Alia Bhatt Airport Look,” I could hear Rekha mutter under her breath, “These men…”
Over the next three minutes, I learnt that while travelling by air, Alia Bhatt frequently leans into denim-on-denim combinations.
She wears oversized jackets with wide-leg jeans and pairs them with white T-shirts or sleek crop tops.
As soon as Rhea was done, I said what I thought was a smart reply, “But Rhea, we aren’t travelling by air…ours is a road trip.”
But apparently, it wasn’t a good defence, because airport look was just one of the looks women go for, and over the next five minutes, I would learn about the other kinds of looks women dress up for.
Here are just some that I remember – breakfast look, beach look, sightseeing look, shopping look, casual dinner look, fine-dining black-dress look, what-if-we-take-photos look, what-if-it-rains look, and what-if-I-am-not-in-the-mood-for-this-vacation look.
I don’t remember at what point I gave up arguing and shared the full itinerary with them.
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For us men, if there are three days, we pack four T-shirts. The fourth T-shirt is usually a faded, torn T-shirt which we will wear on all three days to sleep in.
If we are really looking forward to the vacation, we may pack a fifth T-shirt…but that’s about it.
For Rekha and Rhea, every activity needs a separate outfit. And not just that…besides the itinerary, women also pack according to the weather.
Before we step out, Rekha will check the temperature, humidity, rain prediction and wind speed.
They will also want to know if the resort has a pool, if the restaurant we are visiting is indoor or outdoor, whether there will be mosquitoes, etc.
Earlier, Rekha used to trust my suggestions and recommendations while travelling, but a few years back, I had once told her not to pack the shawl because the Vande Bharat train wouldn’t be very cold. As luck would have it, it was very cold…and she had a traumatic eight hours.
Since then, she has started doing her own research…which is nothing but asking me in a different language.
Over the years, I have come to terms with the women in my life packing three suitcases based on the itinerary. But what I can’t understand is the need for a backup dress for each day.
If we are planning to do three things – visit a temple, a museum and then spend time in an ashram – they pack three sets of clothes for each activity, and then also pack a backup dress for that day.
While for each day there is a backup dress, for the whole trip they also pack backup footwear, backup earrings, backup nightwear, backup hair clips, backup handbags, etc.
We Rajans don’t believe in backup. Neither did we believe in backup when we went after women we loved, nor when we packed for a holiday.
Instead, we believe in adjustment – if one T-shirt gets wet, we hang it under the fan. If it doesn’t dry, we wear another…and if the other has already been worn, we don’t mind wearing it for a second day.
If everything else fails, we don’t mind buying a tourist T-shirt that says “I love Pondicherry” and wearing it with the shame of falling for a tourist trap. But we will never pack a backup.
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I would be wrong if I only spoke about the extra clothes women pack. We have to give due credit to the accessories, the toiletries and the footwear as well.
For a man, at best, a cap can be an accessory. As for toiletries…it is usually a brush, shaving cream and razor, and if the man is highly refined, a perfume. And as for footwear…it is either a shoe or a sandal – never both.
When it comes to a woman, these three things occupy one full side of the suitcase. If we are packing for two women, these can fill one full suitcase.
The other day, as they were packing, I overheard Rekha and Rhea talking about an earring which just didn’t make sense.
After they had placed all the clothes inside the suitcases and were picking out the accessories, Rekha held an earring to her ear and asked Rhea, “Do you think this earring will be good when we visit Sri Aurobindo Ashram?”
I knew that the damage had been done when Rhea, instead of saying just yes or no, replied, “Amma…why don’t you keep this one for exploring White Town, and for the ashram, try those danglers you bought last month?”
I stood there in awe…so much strategy. I bet when the Indian Air Force was discussing the bombing of Pakistan during Operation Sindoor, they used fewer words.
And of course, the biggest difference between the men and women in any house is footwear.
Ninety percent of our shoe rack is filled with the women’s shoes – Ritwik and I occupy the remaining 10%…and that includes one shoe and one sandal for the both of us.
Women have footwear that goes with a blue dress, with a black dress, with a brown dress, and those that are uncomfortable but look good, and then those that are comfortable but cannot be seen in photos.
And then there is the final footwear that is packed “just in case.”
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On the first day of our Pondicherry + Chidambaram road trip, I kept taking digs at the women for packing so much. It worked till 6 a.m. on the second day, when I got up with a hangover.
“Rekha, do you have a Disprin?” I asked.
As soon as Rekha heard my question, she smiled, for she saw an opportunity to put me in my place. She turned towards Rhea and said, “Hey, looks like your dad needs our help.”
As Rhea looked on, Rekha asked, “Do you want me to check in the suitcase that you said I should have left behind at home?”
Whenever I have a hangover, I need to have a Disprin and sleep for an hour to get better. But where would I go looking for a pharmacy at 6 a.m.? So I figured that I was at the mercy of these women.
We Rajans may be proud of our survival skills, but we also know how to accept defeat graciously. So I immediately nodded to indicate that I accepted defeat. Because of the throbbing pain in my head and Rekha’s smirk, it was both physically and mentally difficult.
To cut a long story short, I was able to have a Disprin, fix my hangover, and then drive the family around in Pondicherry traffic.
The next day, as we drove out of Pondicherry to see Thillai Nataraja Temple in Chidambaram, it dawned on me – that extra suitcase the women had brought along was like having a fire extinguisher in the house.
You may not need it, but when you do need it, you will be thankful it was there. I may have complained about the number of suitcases, but that’s the reason our holiday didn’t collapse.