Taking revenge, the Jammy way

Somebody had said “Revenge is a dish best served cold” and they are still trying to find out who said it. Don’t believe me? Check out Wikipedia’s page on ‘revenge’.

In the 33 years of my life, I have had my share of revenges. It all began when I was in class three and somebody stole my scented erasers. In those days, relatives coming from countries like Singapore and Malaysia would hand us cylindrical, scented erasers in fancy plastic containers. The containers would be in various shapes…and mine was a pink peacock. I remember the eraser being a major hit in my class.

As luck would have it, I lost it after a few weeks. An average eight-years-old boy would have suspected the whole World if he lost his scented eraser. But not me, Sir. We Rajans know our enemies when we see them…and that’s why I zeroed in on my classmate Zafar Iqbal. He was the only suspect because my peacock shaped scented eraser had dethroned his Mickey Mouse eraser!

Back then, I didn’t know that revenge was a dish best served cold…so I decided to act the same day.

Like only CIA can do, I laid out my plans. I couldn’t steal his Mickey Mouse eraser because I would have been the prime suspect. I couldn’t cut his eraser into two because the whole class knew that I carried a Topaz blade in my geometry box. And I couldn’t draw moustache on his Mickey Mouse eraser container because I only had sketch pens which were not permanent and he would have easily washed it clean.

After days of thinking, my plan was devised. On the D-day, when Zafar was not near his geometry box, I stole the scented eraser but left the Mickey Mouse container intact. This was to give him the false impression that he still had his eraser with him.

The moment I stole the eraser, I placed it under my armpits so that it lost its scent. With time, I realized the eraser needed a bit of cello-tape if it had to stay there for long. I had to steal my class teacher’s cello tape for this.

After having his eraser in my armpit for 24 hours, I placed it back in his Mickey Mouse like container. For days after that, Zafar went around telling people that his scented rubber didn’t smell of mint as it used to. I just smiled.

I took my second revenge when I was nine years old and in class four. Coincidentally, this story also revolves around the armpit.

It was the annual sports day in our school and Himanshu Mishra had just beaten me at the 100 meters dash. I had come in second.

“Why don’t you participate in long jump…those that fail in 100 meters attempt long jump,” he said. I swear I spotted him winking when the words escaped him.

Like most of you out there, I am also a very bad loser. I start whining, and crying and plotting. That very moment, I decided to take my revenge. How…was the question.

For weeks, I didn’t know what to do and then it stuck me. One of my earlier classmates had once said that if a human being slept the whole night with onions under their armpits, he/she would get high fever the next day.

So, I walked up to Himanshu Mishra and said: “Hey, do you have trouble getting up early in the morning and studying?”

“Ohh Yeah.” Himanshu was falling for it.

“I know a trick to wake up early. But I can’t tell you.” I acted as if I was moving away from him.

“Rajan, please tell me na. We are friends after all…right?” I had Himanshu by the hook.

This is what I was waiting for. “Here take these two onions and keep them under your armpits while sleeping,” I said.

“What will happen if I do that?” He asked.

“Well, you will get up early, and thus will be able to study more.” I said it so convincingly that Himanshu grabbed both the onions and kept them in his bag.

He didn’t come to school for the next four days. Since we stayed close by, his mother asked me to deliver his leave letter to our class teacher. I just smiled.

After 25 years, I had my third revenge today. Unfortunately, it is getting de-classified (and thus will be ready for public consumption) only after 25 years.

Other Funny Reads

# My brother-in-law is a lawyer
# On why I liked to travel by second class
# Now Rekha and I fight for different reasons
# Wasn’t cricket supposed to be a man’s game?
# Much married, much harried

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Posted by Jamshed V Rajan on Apr 21 2008. Filed under Men. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry