One week in North India – some observations

I have spent a significant portion of my growing years in North India – Jamshedpur, Delhi, and Jalandhar to be precise. Just that this time around, I am not under the shadows of my parents. Believe me…life is really different and difficult when your parents are not around to protect you.

Life here in Gurgaon is a lot different from the life I was living in Chennai. For starters, I can`t crack my favorite Sardarji jokes as I so often used to in Chennai.

The other day I started off: “By the way, did you hear that Sardarji joke about ….”

Before I could reach the subject, Dia had pinched me in the forearm, and Sunandini had stamped my toes. I didn`t take the hint.

“Come on guys…have you heard that Sardarji joke or not?” I inquired.

This time I noticed Sashwat making faces – I couldn`t understand what he was trying to convey. But there was a certain amount of urgency….he seemed so much in pain that I asked him again: “What is the matter? Why are you nodding your head so vigorously?”

He didn`t answer…and excused himself. In the next 3 seconds or was it 4…everybody fled from the scene. Just then, a six and a half footer sardarji got up from his cubicle and asked: “So, you were saying?”

I don`t know why…but my trousers felt warm. I stood there for a while…and after the carpet had soaked up the discharge I walked back to my cubicle.

On advice from Uma, I have now re-phrased the first line of my sardarji jokes to: “By the way, have you heard that joke about a Madrasi …”

Aryans vs Dravidians

Whenever my history teacher told me that the North Indians were Aryans and the South Indians Dravidians, I didn`t trust her. Probably because she was a North Indian….but now I trust her completely.

On my first day here, the guest house keeper gave me chapattis and mango pickle. When I asked him if I will get any Sambar, he just looked at me as if I was asking him about Polonium. Not one to take it lying down, I asked the guest house keeper for some variety the next day. So, on day two…it was Chapatti with curd.

I have been here for a week now, and every day in the morning, afternoon and dinner there is chapatti and nothing else.

I think this is the right time to apologize to the ace film-maker Manmohan Desai. I didn`t believe him when his 1977 film titled Dharam Veer started with a scene wherein Daram Singh (Dharmendra) and Veer Singh (Jeetendra) are on their white horses (isn`t white supposed symbolize good?) and their mother throws a freshly made roti at them. The two brothers catch the hot chappati, tear it and stuff it into their respective mouths and then ride away into the jungle. I now completely trust Manmohan Desai`s film making abilities – if the movie had been shot any other way, people wouldn`t have been able to associate with it.

Another thing I have noticed is that, here everybody has “Balle…Balle” songs as caller tunes. When I was back in Chennai, some had carnatic music…some had Hindustani…and some had English songs as their caller tunes…but here everybody has “Balle…Balle” songs. Wonder why.

Don`t trust me? Call 09971996581…and find out. That`s my Gurgaon number!

PS: If you are a North Indian, and want to issue a fatwa against me (Do North Indians issue fatwas?) please spend a week in Chennai before you sign the orders. Please.

Other Funny Reads

# When I was the villain
# Platonic relationships
# Different types of fathers in law
# Letters to the Editor
# Rekha is no longer my better half!
# Mother in law vs daughter in law

19 thoughts on “One week in North India – some observations

  1. lol.. Good to know that North India is going to keep your creative juices flowing for some time.. 🙂

    – A South Indian living in Central India..

  2. Remembered my stay in Gurgaon for an year or so (1991-1992).
    I was living in Maruti Vihar. How are those places now? (this place is left of IFFCO chowk, when we come from Delhi via the Jaipur Highway).

  3. Oh comeon. north India is nt that bad. and btw if ur guest house keeper is actually giving u just chapati’s with curd and pickle then let me tell u north indian’s eat better food than that. Ask him for some rajma chawal.

  4. I’m not exactly a North Indian but I’ve spent most of my life living in this part of the world too, and I agree, Gurgaon is a terrible scar right next to Delhi. But it’s a lot easier to live in the North than in Chennai, which I did for an year. At least it was for me, because I’ve no head for languages and couldn’t pick up any Tamil…

    Though I reeeeeally miss the food there 🙂

  5. “So, you were saying?” – Good; Really Good; Jammy, after this you should have given how you looked! Haaa! Have I given you a fodder for another post?

  6. Amazing ability to make people fall off laughing, Jammy! I wish I could write like you!

    This post is really funny…and true. I’m here in gurgaon too, so I can confirm all that you’ve written. And seriously, what’s with these creepy “Balle-Balle” caller tunes and ring-tones? At times I glare at people with such tones and they think I m about to have a fit or something.
    BTW, did u have a chance to visit the malls here? Also, I had yummy south indian food at “Nayvedhyam” (if that’s how it is spelled). Try it while u r here. Have fun in the Aryan part of the nation! 🙂

    PS: I think I know the Uma u r talking about, if she was with “India Today” earlier. **That’s another thing that she wouldn’t know me, as I was just an ineffectual trainee that time 😛 **

  7. But what was the sardarji joke? I have nothing against sardarji jokes… and nothing special in favour of Sardarjis… so you tell all of em to me 🙂

    BTW: M Shashwat – Not Sashwat… GRRRRR…

  8. hey jammy.. all the best for ur new job in ibibo… waise this uma u are talking about.. is she the same one from rediff? if yes give her a hi on my behalf 😀

  9. Please find below my contribution to your sardar jokes, which you coul change to madrasi one if circumstances are not too kind 😉
    A sardarji from a small village in Punjab decided to go global… been brought up in a typical farmer household the surd had spent all his life tilling the land and had no brush with schooling or the English language…

    Then suddenly his global dreams came true when he landed himself a job with an agricultural company in UK. On reaching London he decided to observe people and pick up the English language gradually. He slowly started understanding the language but speaking abilities continued to be limited. He realized some of the Hindi words when anglicized could pass off as English and hence decided to often speak broken English speckled with anglicized hindi words.

    One day an English woman asked him what was the time as per his watch…

    Hell bent upon impressing the white woman, the surd looked at his watch and decided to answer in his own imitable style of English. His response was:

    “Jawan lady, my watch show Bra Panties“

    Well the time as per his watch was 12:35….

  10. mother throwing roties and veeru dharam having it ……… hahaha so funny yaaar……. n yes as soo said north is jungle with jungli ppl

  11. Aye.. U guys.. Stop making fun of north indians man.. Don’t start behaving like THEM for heavensake!! Repeat after me..
    I WILL LEARN TO BE MORE POLITE IN FUTURE..

  12. Friend,
    I had been in delhi for 12 years and now I am in bangalore. I really dont understand in which part of gugaon u were staying.. Roti with pickle only… next time stay at some good (atleast normal) place 🙂

  13. Hilarious!!!! Living in chennai I can completely relate to it and enjoyed ur posts 🙂
    I feel like writing abt my chennai experiences, but donno how to put in in way thats neither racist nor rude.

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