Diwali was a blast. Pun very seriously intended.
It was raining yet my brother-in-law and I went to buy crackers. The initial child-like enthusiasm died once we saw the crowd. It was the day before Diwali and everybody was queuing up in front of the veddi kaddai (that`s how we call a shop that sells crackers).
“Guess everybody wants to be part of the Big Bang on Diwali,” I commented.
“Gang bang, is more like it,” retorted my brother-in-law.
I chuckled; just enough to attract my brother-in-law`s attention. He prefers a good laugh…for his jokes.
Now, we were at the cracker shop. There were different types and both did not know what to buy, leave alone how much. The sales man was frothing at his mouth, shouting the rates at the top of his voice.
“Sir, I just got married and this would be my first Diwali. Which type of crackers would you recommend?” I asked the salesman.
“You should try the Mallika Sherawat rocket,” he said with a glint of mischief in his eyes.
“And what would that be?,” I asked.
“It is a rocket with a pay load. You light it…it goes pretty high and bursts. And her undergarments gently float down.”
I was not very keen on the Mallika rocket. My parents would have bombed me. So I asked him again: “Sir, anything else that you suggest?”
At this question he handed me a list of Special Crackers he had –
Kanchi Shankaracharya Jayendra Saraswati cracker – So pure that it can only be used only inside temples…and only by temple managers.
Lalu Prasad Yadav cracker – If you buy this you get the Rabri Devi cracker free.
Sourav Ganguly cracker – Doesn`t go off at all.
Uma Bharati cracker – It is a pack of ten small crackers. When lighted…one of them bursts first and sets off the others.
Manmohan Singh cracker – Goes off silently.
Amitabh Bachan cracker – It is a bomb that does not need a light…one just needs to pour some Pepsi over it.
Aishwarya Rai cracker – If you blast one in India, you will be able to hear it only in US & UK.
Vivek Oberoi – When lighted, goes in search of Aishwarya Rai cracker.
We just bought the normal, made-for-middle-class crackers and came back home.