Different types of fathers in law

Just like the tortoise boss, the arm chair boss, the peanut boss, the skirt boss and the dolphin boss, there are many types of fathers in law. I am not bluffing here – these boss types real but this post wouldn`t elaborate because it is dedicated to father in laws.

Fathers in law are unique relationships. Men have no choice over them – they come with the girl they marry.

It is not that you meet your future father in law in a party or discotheque and give him your number and say, “hey, why don`t you call me up sometime? We can catch up on things.” Once he calls you, visit parks and beaches and develop a relationship and then ask: “Now that we thick and like hanging around together, what is your daughter doing? Got a photograph of hers?”

To give you an analogy, marriage is like jumping a pit – if the daughter is the scenery beyond the pit…her father is the depth of the pit. You can see the scenery before you decide to jump…but you can see the depth only when you look down while jumping. Like all those suffering men, I also met my father in law once I decided to get married to Rekha. I came to know him real better after my marriage.

There are many types of fathers in law (FIL) and mine is the “Surveyor FIL” – because he surveys everything I do.

When he entered my house in Chennai for the first time, he asked: “How many square feet?”

“What do you mean?” I questioned his dominance.

“Never mind. Is the entrance North facing?”

“I don`t know uncle. Why don`t you sit down and take some rest?”

If my words didn`t do the trick my stare must have for he sat down on the bean bag. The moment he was on the bean bag, he opened his mouth again: “You should have bought the smaller bean bags – now they occupy at least 50 square feet of your space.”

What happened next is not important, primarily because my wife came to her father`s rescue. Once she started staring at me, I had to give him more respect than what I gave the fish-thorn stuck between my incisors and pre-molars.

* * * * *

Do you know your father in law type? If no, read on….

THE ASTROLOGER TYPE

One line definition: He thinks he has enough experience to predict the outcome of all your actions.
Usual Greeting: Let the divine plan unveil.
Favorite Sentences: “This won`t work out.” “Why don`t you hold on for a few days?” “I am telling you- invest now and relax for the rest of your life.”

THE ARMYMAN TYPE

One line definition: He thinks if you are not physically fit and disciplined like his pet, you are going to be a failure in life.
Usual Greeting: “Hark! Who goes there?” “Attention!”
Favorite Sentences: “Why don`t you come with me for a walk in the mornings?” “You are putting on a lot of weight.” “In 1975, when I was your age I could run 40 kilometers a day.”

THE MANAGING DIRECTOR TYPE

One line definition: He wants to keep all the stake holder`s happy – his relatives, your relatives, his friends, your friends. Everybody.
Usual Greeting: “May all think good of you.”
Favorite Sentences: “What will your relatives think if they come to know?” “What about your friends – do they know that you are going to US alone?” “What does your mom say about your new jeans?”

THE UNION LEADER TYPE

One line definition: As a union leader is concerned only about labourers, this type of father in law is only concerned about his daughter.
Usual Greeting: “May you live long.” (That is coz he doesn`t want his daughter to become a widow soon)
Favorite Sentences: ‘My daughter would be happy if you come home early.” “My daughter feels you should spend more time with the baby.” “My daughter likes Vanilla ice cream, why don`t you get a family pack on the way back home?”

Other Must Reads

# Accepting gifts from relatives
# Never be selfish, go and meet your in-laws
# My world is suddenly crowded
# Get, Set, Go! Or should it be Get, Wet, Go!
# Of cows, urinary bladders and the Vivekananda Rock

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18 thoughts on “Different types of fathers in law

  1. A: If you are not able to find your father in law in this list chances are you are a lady. If you are not a lady…chances are your father in law is a good man.

  2. LOL Good one!!! I think my Dad will be the ‘Cool Dude’ FIL.

    One line definitions: He is always on the lookout for someone to share a drink.

    Usual greeting: Whiskey or Beer?

    Favorite sentences: Back in the good ol days I could drink a horse under.

    🙂

  3. My FIL is the best kind – the absentee Father-in-law

    He lives in Virginia and I live in Singapore.

    Works out well for both of us, I think.

  4. FILs I can ive with – MILs now that’s a different matter altogether. Like silverine says get FIL a good bottle and he’ll keep off you for the rest of the day….

  5. All these days it was Rekhs and Now its your FIL… Does he read it? Or Did he read this write up? Is he still smiling?!?…..

    BTW How is Rekha?

  6. Silverine: Liked the concept of Cool FIL. Why didn’t I think of that? Wonder if my wife is to be blamed.. 😉

  7. nAL: It sure does…but I thought this FIL anti-bonding was more prominent among the guys. I am yet to meet a wife who complained of her FIL…simply coz men cant be rude to their daughter in laws!

  8. Browser: What happens when the Fil doesn’t drink? Guess he takes to drinking the bridegroom’s blood huh?

    Signs of a Dracula FIL

  9. Uma: He doesnt read it. If he could…I would have been able to talk sense into him….and he would have probably taken up driking.

  10. Saran: simple man…all FILs think they are a law onto themselves….thats why we call them Father in Laws. I know…its a dumb attempt at a funny reply 😉

  11. Hi Jammy,
    Good one as usual.
    “I had to give him more respect than what I gave the fish-thorn stuck between my incisors and pre-molars” – lol
    I liked the idea of an absentee FIL of nAL.
    Regards,
    Salil

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