June 30 saw Delhi`s first Gay Parade. Some 100 policemen and 500 gay activists congregated at one place (and yes the Delhi policemen were there only for protection) to churn the system. This blog post is a tribute to the gay guts.
I also wanted to be there…but couldn`t find my mask. When I decided to go ahead without my mask the thought of my Shiv Sena supporting neighbour stopped me. If I had worn the pink colored shirt that day (which I would have, if I were going to the Gay Parade) this neighbour of mine would have caught me and scolded me.
The last time he caught me watching the 20Twenty cricket, he had warned me of dire consequences if I didn`t switch off the TV when the cheerleaders came on screen.
“What? How can you NOT be up against the cheerleaders, when our country`s values are being flaunted like this?” He had asked.
“Siva, I am not up against the cheerleaders…at least not as often as I would like to.” I remember saying.
The poor guy didn`t get the joke.
I wanted to be at the Gay parade, because I believe that every individual should be allowed to be himself/herself. Perhaps that`s why when my bachelor friend Rohit Khanna said he had bought a sex toy I got excited.
He whispered into my ears: “I bought a sex toy!”
“Wow…I have never seen one!” It was a lie…because I once saw a dildo on the X-ray machine at the security check counter of Bangalore airport. Wonder why it was kept in a laptop bag.
My friend replied: “You can come home if you like. It is black, and sleek.”
I said sure and forgot. When I took time out the next weekend to visit his place….I saw the HCL Busy Bee Desktop which he was referring to as a sex toy. I didn`t argue with him. After all, desktops have become the biggest sex toys in the last ten years of so.
If you think only unmarried men do as they wish, you are wrong. The other day, my colleague and I were having tea in the office cafeteria at 6 p.m., when my colleague blurted out: “As soon as I reach home, I am going to rip open my wife`s bra!”
“Be a dude and hold your tongue. You don`t need to be so graphic.” I had already started imagining – within seconds they had hit the bed.
“Right there! Stop your imagination! I am the one wearing my wife`s bra.”
I have had a good amount of respect for him since the incident. In fact, the other day I even did the good old girl trick on him: “Hey, Monday comes before Sunday!” (Are you a guy and didn`t get the joke? Check with a girl)
It is not just the guys who live life on their own terms. Some of the women too (and if you are one, call me!). The other day, I was in a church and when one of my girl friends walked in. I wanted to avoid her because only the previous night we had had an embarrassing situation….so, I ran to the confessional box and hid myself.
To my dismay, she walked right up to the confessional box…looked here and there….and started confessing.
“Father, I have sinned,” she said.
“Why? What happened my child?” At that moment I felt like Michael Jackson – just that unlike me he first calls them his children and then has sex with them.
“Father, you remember this guy called Jamshed, who comes to our church sometimes?”
“Yes dear. What about him? Did YOU also sleep with her?”
“No father….we didn`t sleep the whole night….”
At this point, I couldn`t take her lies. I pulled away the curtains and shouted back: “Liar! We slept off by 3.30 a.m…..remember?”
Like a girl who lived on her own terms, she decided to dump me.
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