Gurgaon is cold. You probably wonder why I am saying so 18 months after shifting to the city …that`s because you don`t know that I am NOT talking about the ‘attitude` cold but the weather ‘cold`.
In September 2007 I had written on how a South Indian family was suffering a North Indian winter. In December 2008, I write about how this South Indian family is thankful to God for everything he has provided us with, to handle winter better.
To start with, thank you God for providing us with two arms. If humans didn`t have two arms, it would have looked real funny with the two arms of a sweater dangling on the sides. We all would have looked like Sanjeev Kumar of Sholay. Thanks also God, for providing us with only a single neck…if you have given us two necks…imagine the difficulty in getting into a woolen pullover with just one entrance!
Thank God once again for the oil radiator heaters, which my wife tells me, grow in trees similar to pineapple`s. The house was getting colder with each passing day and I was stone-walling buying a heater because they cost upwards of Rs 5000/-. My wife kept on pestering me to buy a heater but I just refused. That`s when, a neighbor told my willing wife that heaters actually grow in a tree similar to pineapple`s and she could get it for my wife. Now we all sleep peacefully in a warm room. I don`t know how to thank you for this creation of yours. I guess, I will thank you once and for all, the day I find out who stole Rs 6,500/- from my wallet.
God, thanks for introducing ‘death` into this World without which we wouldn`t have had crude oil. Without crude oil there would be no petroleum extraction and thus no by-products of petroleum extraction like ‘Vaseline`. Thus, we wouldn`t have been able to ensure our one-kiss-a-month agreement (which we have got into after 4 years of marriage & a kid) if you hadn`t introduced ‘death` in this World.
“Hey, its 30th and we haven`t kissed this month,” the male voice is heard saying.
“In the light of hard winter and cracked lips do you want to extend the period to two months?,” the female voice gives it a shot.
“Why don`t we use Vaseline for cracked lips? For the hard winter, we have anyway plucked an oil radiator heater from a tree…what say?” the male voice persists.
“OK fine. Now, where did I keep my Vaseline…it has been 30 days…?” the female voice trails.
For the doubting Thomases, the 2-second kiss happens.
Thanks also God for providing us a separate set of ears. If you had made a simple design mistake, where we breathed and heard from the same organ….we would have found it difficult to manage the winter. Now, we just wear a cap and pull it low over the ears to keep the cold out.
Thank you also God for showing us winter…for if there were no winter…we wouldn`t enjoy spring as much. Though in Gurgaon, the only difference between a winter and spring is that during winter we can`t see the buildings through fog.
My apologies God…but I have a ‘sorry` to say as well. In order to shorten the winter – one of your best creations – I have borrowed Rs 100,000 from my friend and promised to pay him after the winter is over. After all, didn`t WJ Vogel say: “To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring.”
PS: In summers…..the washroom taps provide a hot stream of water in the afternoons…why do they go missing in winter? Any ideas?