Month: March 2009

Meet you in Cape Town, South Africa

Post author By Jamshed V Rajan
Post date March 22, 2009
19 Comments on Meet you in Cape Town, South Africa

Those that were impacted by my last trip to a phoren country will now be shuddering. That`s, if I told them about my forthcoming trip to Cape Town in South Africa for a week.

Last time I was in Canada (and also managed to stay in London for a few days thanks to a technical snag in the Air India flight!)…I had returned with what is known as reverse cultural shock.

This was way back in 1997, and Dr Manmohan Singh`s liberalization policies hadn`t affected my family yet. After I was back from the all-expenses-paid-by-the-Government trip, when still in college, I was a changed man. For starters, I hated my parents. My mother didn`t wear trousers, and didn`t visit the pub on weekends…my father didn`t have a pick up truck to take us on weekend outings. Gosh! What losers for parents, I had got.

It had started the day I was back. “Mom, aren`t you bored with this dosa and sambar? Have you heard of Bacon & eggs?” I remember asking.

The innocent mother that she was, she replied: “Son, I know eggs…but what is bacon?”

“Mom, bacon is strips of a pig`s thigh…and it makes for sophisticated breakfast – unlike this messy dosa & sambar.”

“But meat early in the morning? And since when did you start eating pork?” she sounded concerned.

I didn`t bother to respond.

It took me close to a fortnight to realize that that I was back in India, and I was in a state of denial. Thereafter, it took me another fortnight to apologize and return home a prodigal son.

Here is the twist in the tale – I will be off to Cape Town in South Africa for a week long crash course. Guess what…the keyword for the course is ‘innovation` and is being conducted by Harvard University. More details on that later.

Since, I had shared the story of my last trip with her…my wife is really scared. As a matter of fact, she went to Food Spencers in Mega Mall, Gurgaon yesterday and bought three packs of Bacon and put them in the freezer. Today evening, she is buying eggs.

As with most women, my wife also wants me to plan my activities. After being reprimanded by her couple of times, I took the effort and came up with a list of things I need to take on my trip to South Africa. Here goes:

Rekha has been helping me pack. If you make a trip like this and if your wife insists on packing your suitcase/bag…keep a close watch on her. And the moment she finishes packing, re-check if your return ticket is still there.

Since we Rajans are selfless sacrificers, let me give you another tip: Always, take a bigger bag during your phoren trips… what if you find out that the hotel staff doesn`t scrutinize the bags during check out?

In a recent survey in the United States of America, it has been found out that 90% of the men want to wear pink, silk boxer shorts…but are scared of being found out (accidental discovery!). Extrapolating the same logic, I had decided to take my newest, brightest & best-est Jockeys (the yellow one, which says ‘Champ` on the back, the red one that says ‘Play Boy` on the back, and the Black one that says ‘Great Stuff` on the back).

I had even reasoned out with my colleagues that it was always better to be prepared. What if I was JUST strolling near a night club and the night club`s bouncer pointed a gun at my head and asked me to walk in? Wouldn`t I just walk into the Night Club to save my life? After all, South Africa is the country where they can kill their own National animal – Springboks – for delicacy. Why would they think twice about a 165 cms tall, dark skinned (that`s another negative!) young man? Now, don`t you think, me packing my brightest, newest & best-est of jockeys made sense?

Since I am leaving on Monday night, I thought I should give my wife sometime to decide on what she wants from South Africa…so asked her today morning. “So, what do you want from me, from South Africa?”

“Unconditional love.” She didn`t have to think to give the answer.

Note:
*I made a small change in my checklist…have removed the line “The newest, Brightest, & Best-est.”
**In my absence, please take good care of my country. It is a blink & miss role…I will be back soon.

The cycle of life

When I was growing up…and was still a student… traveling to school by bus had an advantage – you could say, “Mam, the bus was late.”

But there were two worry points – first it meant your pocket money was going into the conductor`s brown leather bag and second the girls didn`t look at you while you stood in the early morning assembly line, because you didn`t have a cycle. That`s to say, before the bike-walas started zooming away with the best of girls…the cycle walas used to do it. (You must have seen Rajesh Khanna and Mumtaz on the same cycle?)

I think the year was 1990 and I was studying in class IX in Kendriya Vidhyalaya, Madurai. The good thing about this moment was that…my school was located right next to a college called Lady Doak College for Girls. The bus conductors & the elders shortened it to LDC. For us boys – yes, we start liking older girls early – LDC was the Love Developing Center.

The boys with their cycles all polished would go and stand at both the bus stops – one that went into the city and one that went away. You could have stood there without a cycle, but then you got mixed up with the crowd waiting for the bus and your true intentions weren`t conveyed.

Besides, you stood a better chance of a girl asking “Has bus number 23B left?” if you had a cycle. Perhaps because she knew the gent was there only to answer her such questions.

In the three years that I studied in Kendriya Vidhyalaya, Madurai…I know of four instances when the older girls spoke to one of us. Here is how the four boys took the fame:

Boy 1: He still swears that he saw love in the girl`s eyes when she asked him if the bus had left. Hasn`t left Madurai city at all and when depressed still stands at the same spot. Now, with his Pulsar bike.

Boy 2: He would make plans to elope everyday. He would say: “If I elope with her she would be all mine and I wouldn`t have to be shy to speak to her a second time.” I remember S Prakash…he wouldn`t forget her easily. I am sure he still hasn`t.

Boy 3: Almost married her and had kids. Fought with his parents for her and then with her rich father…who sent a lot of goons to sort the issue out. I think at this stage, he stopped dreaming. I am sure he would have found another girl when he left school and joined college. And I am sure, she would have asked him: “Which way for BA Economics, first year please?” before he started dreaming.

Boy 4: After the first contact in IX, the boy spent two years waiting for her daily at the bus stop…but she never asked for the bus again. And once when she did, she ignored him asked another boy. Understandable….the other boy`s cycle was new. The boy realized she wasn`t in love with him, when he failed the class XII board.

Growing up in these circumstances was tough. Everyday, I was looked down upon by the 800 odd pretty girls just because I didn`t have a cycle.

All that I ever wanted from God was a red colored BSA SLR. The color and the brand was decided after careful thought. Girls loved red (Hint: Red Roses?) and the low height of BSA SLR would hide my lack of height (which back then I learnt was a good measure).

A friend had once explained the importance of height. He said: ‘In a way, girls are like the ticket wala of a theatre which runs ‘A` movies like Jawani Ka Josh, My Tutor, Swimming Lessons, Parking Trouble, Adam in the Apple etc.”

The innocent me asked: “Why do you say so?”

“The ticket-wala at the theatre entrance relies on your height to decide if you qualify for ‘A` movies. The girls do the same.”

“What do girls have to do with ‘A` movies?” I was exasperated.

“OK…lets talk in two years after you are taller.” My friend said before walking away with a smirk on his face.

Anyway, coming back to the subject of red BSA SLRs…I asked my mother for the cycle six months before my birthday on April 26, 1991. She then took three months to prepare my father for what she was about to say. Three months before my birthday, she managed to break the news to my father that her son needed a cycle. Guess, that`s the time my father also started saving for my cycle – it cost Rs 900 approx then.

One day before my birthday…when I came back from school…my father wasn`t there. Mom managed to hide it as well. It started raining (mind you it wasn`t the Bollywood rains, that are made up…so people really got drenched!) and at 8 p.m. my father knocked on the door all drenched…but he had my cycle.

We stayed 7 kilometers outside the city…and he had to cycle the distance in heavy rain to bring my new cycle home.

The teenager that I was, my first statement was: “But I didn`t want an Atlas Goldline! I wanted a BSA SLR. I don`t want this cycle.”

My father didn`t say a word. He got my cycle inside the house for it was still raining and gave the keys to my mother. He then changed into dry clothes, poured himself a peg of Old Monk Rum…and sat in front of the TV.

Today, I shudder to think what would have gone through my father`s mind at that moment. For today, I know the amount of love with which one gets things (or cycles) for their kids.

Note: For the record, we bought a blue & yellow cycle for Rhea last Saturday. And unlike me she is a grateful child and is loving it!

Investment lessons from my wife

Post author By Jamshed V Rajan
Post date March 1, 2009
13 Comments on Investment lessons from my wife

The best thing about marriage is that you are never short of reasons to dive into a fight. I foresee Rekha and me being toothless, all wrinkled up like a soaked-for-two-days raisin (‘kismis` for Indian readers), and still fighting it out. The reason though escapes my mind.

So, as you would have guessed, Rekha and I had a fight. Something that I had been waiting for – how else can a blogger who lives a boring life find a topic to write on?

“Do you know Sheela has also bought her own house?” She remarked matter-of-fact.

I said, “Wow. When you next see her, please congratulate her on my behalf,” before I let out a slurp to confine the rouge noodle which was trying to escape from in between my loosely designed lips.

“She is the second friend to have bought a house this month.”

My CEO tells me that to be a good business leader, one need to rely on gut feel and numbers. “Ask for numbers and everything will fall into place,” he says.

Relying on his advice, I asked my wife: “So how many of them have bought houses since you started keeping a count?”

“Seventeen.” The short response from Rekha meant she was on guard. And willing to fight it out.

I had also learnt from my CEO that numbers don`t mean much…if you don`t know the time duration in which those numbers have been attained.

“Seventeen since?” I asked.

“Since we got married in 2004, seventeen of our close friends have bought houses.” The beauty about beauties…that`s women…is that if they have come prepared to fight you…you know it the moment they open their mouth. That`s because they always come armed to the tooth. And teeth are in the mouth. 😉

“Now I know which Sheela you talking about. She had a sister didn`t she…that pretty little thing?”

“Can we stay on the topic please?”

I had noticed this earlier. When we fought during dinner time Rekha always finished hers quickly….perhaps to concentrate on the job at hand. So, all those Hindi movies in which Sharmila Tagores, Nutans and Mumtazes got up from the dining table during a fight…without eating another morsel was hog wash?

“I could stay on the topic for ever…but you wouldn`t like me discussing Sheela`s sister.”

“Rajan, for once can you be a little serious…I was referring to the house.”

Sometimes I really pity my wife. If I really loved her, I should have walked out of her life instead of marrying her.

“Yeah…so we were on the house…so what about it. Are you saying that I never congratulate them in person?”

I couldn`t see the issue. Somebody had a bought a new house and the only thing that bothered me was….how do we now reach their new house…to ensure the surprise dinners that we imposed on our friends continued.

“Rajan, you aren`t concentrating enough. OK…let me be straight. Everybody around us is buying houses…why are you stone-walling my suggestions to buy a house?”

“Ohhh…simple. Heard of global financial crisis? Recession?”

“Yes. What about that?” This time around, my wife had done her homework.

In my ten years working with Engineers, I have realized that if you confuse the other party with lots of ‘technical` stuff, the party finally ends up asking: “So, what do you suggest?” I remember, asking this question to the Engineers after almost every meeting. In recent times, I have learnt to save time…the moment I enter the meeting, I say: “Let us save each others time and energy…what do you suggest?”

Anyway, I tried confusing Rekha but she held her own. She seemed like a well-read wife…somebody you couldn`t fool. I was glad to see the opponent do some homework before settling down for a fight….shows that your opponent considers you tough competition. (Note to self: Discontinue newspaper and Dish TV subscriptions, if you want to win arguments in future)

“Listen Rajan, this recession is an opportunity. Everything will be available at a lower price. In fact, the one skirt and two salwars that I am planning to buy this weekend will also be lower priced.”

“So you suggest we go for the kill now?” Once in a while you fake the opponent into believing that she is going to win.

“Yes…let us start looking and in two months time, when the prices are really, really low…let us consolidate our investments buy buying a house.”

“Wow…what did you say you studied? It wasn`t an MBA…or was it?”

Rekha didn`t reply. She just picked up my plate, picked up her plate, gave a pat on Rhea`s cheeks (Rhea is our daughter) and left for the kitchen. I did spot a spring in her steps….a spring that one notices in a person who has smelt victory.

We Rajans are die hards…in fact, as soon as a child is born in our family…we baptize him/her in front of a life-size Bruce Willis` photograph.

Not willing to let go easily, I shot back: “I tend to agree with you Rekha. Why don`t you re-look at our household expenses and see how we can squeeze in the monthly EMIs of Rupees thirty five thousand to fifty thousand…depending on the type of house we plan to buy.”

Being from a family that places their newly borns in front of a life-size photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger and baptize…she agreed.

As always, I will keep you guys posted on the progress.

Screw Recession: If you are a good at your work, you won`t lose your job. If you aren`t good in your job it definitely means you weren`t in the right job…and there is something else that you do better. Explore that. As with all advices, I agree, it is easily said than done.

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