Author: Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

Categories
Sex

Television & SEX are related

I am enlightened. For now, I know why my parents had only three kids. The last of their child is my younger sister born in 1979. Just came to know, they had bought a black and white television some ten months before she was born.

With this bit of informaton safely cuddled up inside the frontal lobe of my pea-sized brain, I guess I can make the same genralization about the whole country. Afterall, did not the Ministry of Family Planning attain their KRA targets only after the TVs came into the picture?Remember, those hum do hamare teen slogans (seen most often behind the truck behinds) in the late seventies? They were subsequently replaced with Hum do humare do in the eighties, which inturn gave way to Hum do humara pyara eak.I just hope, the Familiy Planning Ministry does not make it Hum hi bache, humare kyon bache. Or probably, they already have.

Coming to the point, I realised the importance of a TV because I don’t have one in my house. When I reach home by 7 in the evening what do I do? S.E.X. Yeah, that is it. Afterall, how long can one read books. And even then, with the kind of books one would expect me to have, where will it lead to? S.E.X.

I have a radio I can listen to. But I need to be doing something while listening. Right? S.E.X.

I also also have a gas stove at home. So when I have time on my hands, I cook. A heavy meal is usually the case. After that what? I feel full, and I need some excercise. So what do I do? I have no bull-worker, no skipping rope, no tummy trimer, no dumb-bells & no ninjak. And by the way, in case you are not aware, I do not have a swimming pool in my house. So what do I resort to? S.E.X.

There is a table fan too. But the sharp blades scare the shit out of me. Everything said and done, there is lot of S.E.X. happening at my place.

Besides, I am looking for a girl who does not have a TV at home!
 

Mayire pochu


On Wednesday morning, the Tidel Park security were removing some of the crow nests built on the lamp posts right in front of the massive building. My heart went out to the crows….now where would they find a place to stay?I never believed God would answer my prayers so shortly, for as soon as I entered the office, I saw Sandhya Reddy (my colleague) in her new hairstyle. Now, I have another set of prayers – hope the eeg-laying season is not nearing.On Wednesday morning, the Tidel Park security were removing some of the crow nests built on the lamp posts right in front of the massive building. My heart went out to the crows….now where would they find a place to stay?I never believed God would answer my prayers so shortly, for as soon as I entered the office, I saw Sandhya Reddy (my colleague) in her new hairstyle. Now, I have another set of prayers – hope the eeg-laying season is not nearing.I am told, on Tuesday evening, this environmentalist & conversationalist friend of mine got inspired by Urmila Matondkar’s latest hairstyle. Unfortunately for Sandhya, it was Urmila’s hairdo for the movie Bhoot.

But what the heck, who cares. And thats what we all appreciate about Sandhya. In Hindi there is a saying that goes, baal baal bachgaye (saved by a hair’s breadth). And in this girl’s case, sirf baal hi bache (only the hair was saved). But as providence would have it, it was the hair-stylist who was left with a mop of hair.

It was the hair-stylist’s initiative that earned her this look. She is known to have asked her, “Miss, shall we go in for the Urmila look?” And our Sandhya was Reddy……oops ready.

But then, there are varied reports. According to a few not-so-reliable sources (guys, shall I name you all?), Sandhya went in for a not-so-short hairdo. But was forced to cut her hair short, because the hair-stylist ran short on change – the barber was compensating. And we are paying.

Sandhya, aab teri subha kaab hogi? (Sandhya, when will it dawn for you?)

Karun Bajamani: Chi Chi Mera Govinda

This guy works in my office and he just rocks. And we are not talking music here. How can we, for when Bajamani starts talking, thats not music!

Came to know of this hard-to-describe gentleman (?!) a year ago, in a meeting. I was not even introduced to him. Probably the powers that be thought he was not worth it. Or was it that I was not worth it? Anyways, I decided to take the benefit of doubt in my favour.

He was round in the middle. Was silent throughout the meeting and when he spoke, was silenced by a single wave of a hand that belonged to an higher-up. “Not so important a guy,” I said to myself and started flattering the lady sitting next to me.

Days passed. And a year ago, I got introduced to the same guy again. His name was Karun Bajamani. Kind of interesting coz he could speak Mumbaiya hindi, and yet could swear fluently in tamil. Now, thats one of the few good things about him so you would want to keep it in mind.

He was supposed to be the marketing guy for Sify Sport. Incidently, and should I say unfortunately, it is the site that I shed my blood and tears for (tears…more recently).

I donno how much of marketing he has done in the last one year, but one thing is for sure, he is an AH. Now, you might be lead to think AH is Ass Hole…..ahhh I got you stumped…it means …well lets keep it for later.

Anyways, of late I pray for Karun Bajamani too. He is from Mumbai and poor guy he slogs here in the Chennai heat. Am sure he misses his parents and more importantly that kulfi wala down the road. My heart goes out to him, and I pray…..”Shantoshi Ma, pls make sure that he is transferred to Mumbai, so that he can be with his family.”

My prayers are yet to be answered. By the way, the names in this article have been changed to avoid heartburn.