Author: Jamshed V Rajan

My mother-in-law`s name is Shantha Chandran. And till the time I am alive, I can`t forget her. In fact, she wouldn`t let me forget her.

I first met her when she along with my father in law came to my house to meet my parents. Like I have already mentioned, Rekha and I had had a love marriage. After we informed our parents, they wanted to meet and understand each other.

It was the summer of 2005 (May, perhaps) when her parents came home. I can`t forget the day because, the moment Ms Shantha stepped into our house she said: “Kinda stuffy in here, isn`t it?”

Mr Chandran knew I had overheard it and thus kept mum. He would continue to keep mum on many more such occasions.

Ms Shantha`s next statement (which thankfully my parents didn`t hear) was: “Kind of dark, aren`t they?”

Like I said, Mr Chandran kept mum.

If my mother in law was a fat person, distracting her would have been a piece of cake – yeah literally, I only had to offer her a piece of cake and she would have busied herself in eating. But she wasn`t fat, so I couldn`t do anything while she continued to insult me and my ancestors.

Thankfully, we Rajans know how to fight from the trenches…and I asked my parents to do just that. Everything went well and it was decided that on September 8, 2005 Rekha and I will get married at a temple in Cherrukunnu, Kannur, Kerala. I was a little upset because I didn`t expect my mother in law to be such a problem. I was under the impression that I will sweep her off her feet with my sense of humor. But that was not to be.

As luck would have it, Rekha and I didn`t enter into a major fight before September 8, 2005 and the marriage happened as scheduled.

Marriage over. All relatives gone.

Rekha and I hired a cab to Kumarakom for our honeymoon. I was still reeling under the insults from my mother in law. At least, outlaws are wanted…what was one to do with inlaws?

I blurted out: “Rekha, don`t you think your mom talks too much?”

“What? Haven`t you heard your mom talking?”

This was enough to ensure that the next two hours were silent. If you don`t know how difficult it is for a man on his way to his honeymoon to keep silent for two hours – try it when you get married. We still had three hours of the journey left, so I tried to break the silence using my self-acclaimed excellent sense of humor. I pointed at some sheep grazing in the fields by the roadside and said: “Relatives of yours?”

Rekha didn`t even look up. She just said: “Yes. Remember, I just got married? They are my new in-laws!”

I didn`t try to patch up till we reached Kumarakom. When we were half way into our honeymoon, we became friends again.

It has been five years since, and my relationship with my mother in law has definitely gotten better with time. Earlier, when she used to knock on our door and ask “Can I stay here for a while?” I used to say “No!” and close the door. Now-a-days, I say “Yes” and close the door.

Anyway, a sudden article on my mother in law would have surprised you. “Why now,” you probably ask….and the answer is because yesterday I met a friend of mine called Rakesh Roshan who has had a troubled relationship with his mother in law. Besides, he had just returned from a vacation in Jerusalem. We caught up at the Café Coffee Day nearby.

Jammy: What is up, matey?

Rakesh: I have been better.

Jammy: Why what happened? You have just returned from a vacation in Jerusalem….why don`t you tell me about it. Will make you happy.

Rakesh: Well, we reached Jerusalem in time. And we were only settling down when my mother in law had a heart attack and had to be admitted in a hospital.

Jammy: Shucks! And then?

Rakesh: That day we didn`t plan any sight seeing. I had planned to attend my mother in law`s funeral in the evening, but she canceled it last minute.

Jammy: And?

Rakesh: She got relieved from the hospital the same evening.

Jammy: Thank God for small mercies. And then?

Rakesh: And as luck would have it, she died in her sleep the same night.

Jammy: Good luck or bad luck?

Rakesh: Good luck, of course.

Jammy: And then?

Rakesh: I had two choices – bury her there in Jerusalem itself. Or get her back to India.

Jammy: You should have buried her there itself….transporting her body here would have been very costly.

Rakesh: Yes, it was costly. But when I thought about that famous man who was buried in Jerusalem….what was his name….??

Jammy: Hmm….Jesus Christ?

Rakesh: Yeah…Jesus Christ…didn`t he come out of his grave alive after 3 days? I didn`t want to take any chance with my mother in law, so transported her body to India. It was costly, but worth it.

Jammy: And then?

Rakesh: I burnt her first, and then buried her. Why take chances?

Rakesh sure had his life sorted out.

While talking about his mother in law`s funeral, I was reminded of a common friend called Vinesh Nair who we thought had a great relationship going with his mother in law. In fact, I had been jealous when he SMSed me saying he had gifted his mother in law a Jaguar.

Jammy: So, is Vinesh Nair`s mother in law taking good care of the Jaguar?

Rakesh: Ohh….didn`t you know? His mother in law died of multiple bite wounds when she was attacked by the Jaguar. Apparently, she had left his cage door open.

This post is dedicated to Garima Sinha, who works for ibibo. Find out why.

I had recently bought an HP Printer Cartridge and registered online for their “Spin & Win” contest. As luck would have it, I won a Gillette Mach 3 razor worth Rs 125…which reached my house yesterday. This triggered the aging neurons in my brain, which by the way are seeking voluntary retirement.

Getting something for free doesn`t necessarily mean it is free.

They say that right after a sexy girl….a Gillette Mach 3 razor is the best a man can get. I agree and that`s why I have been using the Mach 3 for all my saving needs. Oops, shaving needs. If you have ever used Gillette Mach 3 razor you would realize that the razor is cheap….but the blades are extremely costly. I had to wait for four annual increments from my employers before I could buy my second Mach 3 blade. To buy my third Mach 3 blade, I had to sell off my old Television set. Mind you, the razor had came at only Rs 125.

That`s when I realized that the business of printers & razors was the same. One had to buy an initial equipment for a smaller price and continue to feed it on a regular basis with a complementary equipment which was costly.

Cheap Razors. Costly Blades.

Cheap Printers. Costly Cartridges.

Now, let us compare this phenomenon with marriage. Let us assume marriage to be the act of acquiring a wife (or a husband!)…. just like how one would acquire a printer or a razor. Acquiring sure is cheaper if its via love marriage (no dowry, you see!). Now, think of all the investments you have to do to make the marriage work…like the investments you would do to make the printer or the razor useful. Making a marriage work is costly, isn`t it? If you are married, you probably nodded on reading this.

Let us now get back to printers and razors. I wonder why Gillette and/or HP don`t give away their razors and/or printers for free? For instance, why can`t they stand outside an IT company and hand over printers (or razors) to people exiting the offices? If the HP guys are smart, they will also contact CEOs and request them to introduce home assignments for all employees, which will require lots of prints to be taken.

I know, you are probably thinking that it isn`t logical. For example, a company like Hindustan Petroleum can`t gift free cars or bikes to everybody only because more people will come to the HP petrol bunks to fill petrol. But let me assure you that this Indian Economy is working the way it is because of a deep-rooted conspiracy called ‘Make them fall in love, and then milk them`.

Let me give you some background. In the early 80s, R Venkatraman was the Finance Minister of India. Yes, it is the same Mr R Venkatraman who would go on to become the President of India. Back then the Indian Economy was in a depression and Mr R Venkatraman came up with a novel idea which was tabled in front of a secret committee of Economists. Before I tell you the then Finance Minister`s idea to shore up the Economy, let me tell you that an economy can get out of depression only when people in the economy start spending.

Now for Mr R Venkataraman`s idea: Make people fall in love and get married. His thinking was that love marriages will be cheap (no dowry, and most love marriages in the 80s were run-away marriages!) but once married the couple will have to start spending to maintain the marriage – the more the marriages the more the spending. The Finance Minister expected the economy to shore up by the conspicuous consumption of married people.

The secret committee of Economists loved the idea (most of them were anyway unmarried…how many girls do you know who want to marry an Economist?). They then called in representatives of a few companies to chalk out a plan to make people fall in love.

The conspiracy consortium involved representatives from companies like: Archies Greetings, Kwality Walls, and Cadburys. Sooraj R. Barjatya was called in to represent Bollywood. The agenda was simple: All these people had to conspire to get men to acquire a woman as his wife and a woman to acquire a man as her husband by falling in love. Exactly the same way a printer manufacturer or a razor manufacturer would give it to you for free and then charge you on the cartridges and blades.

In no time, the companies started their conspiracy and people started falling in love in droves. Before 1982, if you met somebody who had fallen in love and married….you would gawk and ask: ‘Really? Didn`t your parents oppose?”

Not anymore. Now, the landscape was strewn with people who had fallen in love and gotten married cheap. Sooraj R. Barjatya, inspired by R Venkatraman`s plan to revive the economy went on to direct a movie called Maine Pyar Kiya….which claimed that a “boy and girl can never be friends.” This movie alone resulted in a four fold increase in love marriages.

By now, Mr R Venkatraman was no longer the Finance Minister but the conspiracy seeds he had sown had taken wings. While Archies Greetings, Kwality Walls, and Cadburys advertised the need to find the true love and marry cheap… Sooraj R. Barjatya went on to release Hum Aapke Hain Koun, a movie that again increased the love marriages by four fold.

To this day the conspiracy is on….to make you a lovelorn individual, force you to get married and then make you a conspicuous consumer of goods. Don`t believe me? Here is the transcript of a recent meeting of the Conspiracy Consortium which was held in Gurgaon. Ouchmytoe`s investigative journalist Mr Jamshed V Rajan was in the room decorated as a night lamp to overhear the discussion. Since he was having an upset stomach, he couldn`t stay on till the end of the discussion….but we have tried to reproduce whatever was heard.

Cadbury`s Representative: Gentlemen, as the President of this Consortium for this year I inaugurate the session.

Everybody says: Thank you

Archies` Representative: Gentlemen, let me assure you that we are heading for trouble. People have stopped believing in true love, love at first sight etc.

Kwality Walls` representative: What makes you say that?

Archies` Representative: The increase in divorce rates, obviously. Even before they start spending, they separate.

Kwality Walls` representative: Wouldn`t you agree that divorces are because of betrayal or adultery.

Cadbury`s Representative: I agree. So let us announce adultery as an accepted practice. There will be initial brouhaha but people will eventually start liking it.

Everybody says: Great idea sir. Motion passed.

Bollywood`s representative: And we can make another movie like Karan Johar`s Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. Only this time we will use a better director.

(There have been two Bollywood representatives since Sooraj R. Barjatya. First it was Rakesh Roshan of Kaho Na Pyaar Hai fame & Imtiaz Ali replaced Rakesh Roshan in 2006 and went on to make Jab We Met)

Everybody says: Perfect Mr Imtiaz Ali.

Archies` Representative: We have also realized that women have become way too choosy with men. Unlike the earlier times when Dharmendra was the role model….now-a-days, they want well dressed, well shaved, and well deo-ed men.

Cadbury`s Representative: So, should we ban companies from selling shaving razors, creams, deos etc? Shouldn`t they be supplied by the Government to all via the Public Distribution System (PDS).

Kwality Walls` representative: I second that.

Everybody says: Great idea sir. Motion passed.

At this point, the investigative journalist, who already had an upset stomach, felt something wet running down his thighs. Motion was passed.

I have been playing ibibo`s social game Mumbai Underworld for a month now, and it is very addictive. I didn`t start playing this game by choice. One day, I noticed Siddharth Sethi, a colleague of mine, leave this status update: “I own a dance bar, 3 strippers (good earners all) and 3 rifles. Finally life’s starting to look good!” This made me think. “I need to get a good life…I need to be in Mumbai Underworld,” I told myself before starting to play the game. (Play the game here)

Mumbai Underworld is after all only a game. But well before that -when I was young and could jump over walls quick – I was actually a Mumbai Underworld figure. I wouldn`t go to the extent of saying what Amitabh Bachchan said in the Hindi movie Hum, “Mera aur eak naam hai…Tiger!”, but let me tell you that I was once called a ‘Cat`. Back then I was a 24-year-old surviving the streets of Mumbai. Don ishtyle.

Here goes the story, but before that watch this really interesting bit from the Bollywood movie Hum, featuring Amitabh, Rajinikanth & Govinda.

Having run away from Madurai, Tamil Nadu to Mumbai to become a Bollywood Hero, and having been piped to the post by a not-so-famous guy called Rajnikanth in the movie Hum, I was desperate for a quick movie role. For anybody desperate and lonely enough in Mumbai, the Chowpatty is a good place to go.

When I was wiping my tears sitting on the Chowpati, a gentleman approached me.

“Alone at Chowpatty? Your life must be lonely. Want a girl?”

“Leave me alone. I don`t want anybody now!” I blurted out angrily.

“Tired and desperate, is it?” He seemed very considerate now.

“Yes sir. But how do you care?”

“I do. Wanted to become an actor, is it?” He knew what I came to Mumbai for.

“Yes sir. What will I tell my parents now? How will I marry off my two sisters?”

“You don`t need to be an actor to be rich. You know Sachin Tendulkar, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“Anyway, do you want to become a sports mechanic?”

His question surprised me. I didn`t know what sports mechanic did. But I was curious.

“Sir, pray tell me. What does a sports mechanic do?”

“A car mechanic fixes the car; a train mechanic fixes the train. So what do you think a sports mechanic does?”

“Fix matches?”

“Precisely,” he had a smile on his face.

“No sir, I am bad at anything that`s so organized. Please give me alternatives.”

“Son, let me advice you… organized or unorganized…crime is the only thing that pays in Mumbai – probably because it isn`t run by the Government. If crime were also run by the Government, it would have stopped paying long back.”

“So?” I was getting impatient.

“So…join my gang. I believe in fresh, record-less faces.”

The very same day I got inducted into his gang and was trained in the art of street living. The next day, I was positioned near an ATM in Bandra.

If you have had a good education & upbringing, it is difficult to be an effective criminal. The moment I saw a 60-year-old man come out of the ATM with his wallet stuffed with cash, I told him, “Excuse me sir! I will be your robber for today. How much would you want to part with today?”

The 60-year-old smiled and walked away. The 12 other potential clients that I approached that day did the same. One even said, “You are funny, dude!”

After two days of unsuccessful operations in front of the ATM, I got assigned to the Jewelry Division. On day one of chain snatching, my count was two successful attempts – not a bad start considering there were so few old age homes in the Bandra area. I did this for a week, after which the number of elderly with gold chains around their necks and wheel chairs to their bums came down drastically. Now, my boss asked me to move to bigger things. That`s when I opened a jeweler`s shop at 9 a.m. on one Monday. The jeweler instead of being thankful called the police.

This incident resulted in a loss of face for me within the gang, and I was put in CC Division. For those that don`t understand the criminal lingo, let me assure you that CC Division is Counterfeit Cash Division, where our job was to print counterfeit cash and distribute. I was making big money. Don`t believe me? Then why did the police arrest me for printing & distributing 500 rupee notes that were 1 inch wider?

When in jail, a CBI inspector approached me and said he could put my innocent face to better use my making me a police informer. After he told me that all I had to do was help him trace the criminals, I agreed. The next day he accused me of doing a volte face, whereas all I had asked him for was some tracing paper and photos of the criminals he wanted me to help him trace.

The CBI Police Inspector got offended and decided to file all cases that they hadn`t solved in the last 20 years against my name. It didn`t matter that I was now only 24 years old and couldn`t have committed a bank robbery when just 4-years-old.

A week later, I was bundled into a Police van and taken to the district court in Jalgaon. Before the judge entered the court, I was given a card and Gita to hold. I was told that after the judge came, I was expected to keep my right hand on the Gita and read out what was written on the card. I practiced reading what was written on the card. It read, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.”

But when the judge entered the court, I panicked and kept my right hand on the card and started reading the Gita. Since the judge had never seen an educated criminal, he was mighty impressed with my recitation of Gita. It took me six days to complete the Gita, during which the court adjourned at least 43 times.

Everybody let out a deep sigh of relief when I finished the Gita and the judge ordered the lawyers to start the indoor duel. After a long duel of words, during which I almost fell asleep, the judge asked the Jury to convene and convey its decision.

The Jury came back with its verdict. They said I was guilty of 19 of the 20 criminal cases against me.

At this point, the judge turned towards me and said, “Would you want to challenge the Jury?”

I looked around, noticed that all of them were well-built….and then said: “No sir, can`t challenge them together. But if you are fine with a one-on-one, I don`t mind taking on that lean gentleman in the corner.”

For some reason, the judge started staring at me and sentenced me to six years in prison.

For the six years in prison, all the huge, gay long-term prisoners drew cat whiskers with char coal on my cheeks every day. Now you know why I was once called “Cat”.

If you are living in Delhi or Gurgaon, my apologies….rain was never meant for you. If you live elsewhere in the country, chances are you have seen rain and understand what it is. Here is an article on the rainy season.

I don`t remember when I first saw rain. Since I don`t remember, why don`t we make up the story. The year was 1977 and I was a 2-year-old lad fed on a high dose of Farex and tea in a Mestin (see pic of the Indian Army issue of Mestin). After a heavy lunch I was relaxing my head on a pillow when there was commotion in the house. “Stupid family!” I muttered under my breath and looked up. My mother was running to pick up the clothes drying outside and my father was running towards me. He was coming too fast for me – I just closed my eyes and said my last prayers. Next minute, I was sitting on his shoulders and he was running outside. (Did you know Aftab Shivdasani was a Farex model when he was just 14 months old. Obviously, he didn’t feature in the Farex containers that I emptied. He was born 3 years after I came into this World)

The Jamshedpur air felt good….oh wait. It wasn`t the air now…it was like air but very fast….what do they call it? And then I heard my father yelling towards my mother: ‘Hurry up fast, the clothes will fly away in the wind!”

That`s when I figured out, it was the ‘wind`. Years later, I would find out that wind was the female version of air…..air but a little ‘pushier`. Aren`t girls are nothing but ‘pushier` boys?

Anyway, there sitting on my father`s shoulders I felt the first drops of rain fall on my face. It was heavenly. If only my father hadn`t held both my thighs in his vice like grip I would have enjoyed the moment better. Maybe he was scared that I would fall. After five minutes in the rain watching my mother grab all the clothes, we walked back inside.

From that day to today, I have loved rain.

Needless to say, rain is very important in our lives. At least, in the lives of those nine out of ten folks who can only start a conversation on weather. “Hot day, eh?” “I just hope it starts raining!”

The last ten years of my life – seven in Chennai and three in Gurgaon – have been bad. All I have seen is a heat wave. But I didn`t wave back. Like all of you, I also hate heat.

What adds to the torture is that none of the weathermen have managed to predict weather correctly – and I have always got caught in rains when I am least prepared, with my laptop, wallet, leather shoes….stuff you don`t want to get wet with. I guess the only correct prediction about weather was when God told Noah, “Son, it will rain for 100 days and 100 nights. Now go build a boat. If you want a scale model for reference, check out Tradus.in – they deliver fast.” (Want to know the story of Noah’s ark?)

One of the memories that my current wife Rekha and I will cherish till we die (or divorce, whichever is first) is that one day when we got soaked in the rain for two hours. It was 2003 and we weren`t married then (psst! Don`t tell her parents, they already hate me for being ‘that’ dark guy who married their somewhat fair daughter).

Rekha had recently bought a TVS Scooty, and was practicing riding her TVS Scooty just below my house. I was teaching her – just like how Veeru taught Basanti how to use the revolver in the super-duper hit movie Sholay. That`s when it started raining. Knowing that I get super romantic when it rains, Rekha hatched her master plan. She didn’t want to enter my house all soaked up….primarily because didn’t want to meet Sharmila Tagore’s fate in the Bollywood movie Aradhana. So, she said: “Hey, why don`t we ride my Scooty in the rains on the East Coast Road?”

I agreed. We had the best time of our life together – next only to the time of Rhea`s birth. We still think of those two hours and chuckle. My only complaint about that day is that, after our drive, I had to drop Rekha back at her hostel and walk two kilometers in the rain to reach home. She didn`t trust me with her new bike – like a typical girl, she said it would get dirty. Yeah right!

Not everybody is lucky to have such moments. In fact, some don`t even have the rain.

But life isn`t without rain everywhere. For instance I was in Kerala, and it was raining on all the four days I was there – 23 hours in a day. I got into a discussion with a ten year old boy when in Kerala.

“Son, tell me does it always rain like this in Kerala?”

“I don`t really know uncle, I am only ten years old.”

“Are you telling me, it has been raining for the whole of last ten years?”

“Yes, uncle. It rains cats and dogs. Foul weather.”

“Son, wouldn`t it be fowl weather, if it rained chickens and ducks and not when it rains cats and dogs?”

“Uncle, you aren`t getting the point. By the way, The weather here is crying for some privacy.”

“Why, son?”

“Because it is changing everyday. There, didn`t I get you in your own game?”

“You seem like a smart boy.” I was beginning to hate the boy. I hate anybody who is smarter than I am and can crack a joke at my expense.

“That I am. I also know to predict the rains.”

“How?” This boy was smarter than I thought.

“The moment it rains anywhere, the Kerala Electricity Board switches off the power supply everywhere. That`s the hint.”

“Wow. Not bad. So you must hate the rains?”

“No, not really. All my friends outside of Kerala get a tree in their house only for Christmas.”

“And?” I was starting to like this boy.

“But we can hope for a tree in the house anytime – whenever it rains heavily, a tree falls on our house. My parents hate it though.”

“Shucks, that must be bad. But isn`t anybody doing anything about the havoc created by heavy rains?”

“Hmm….last year, after heavy rains resulted in landslide & flood in Kerala our Chief Minister VS Achuthanandan visited and promised us that he will not rest till he found out whoever did it.”

“And then?”

“Nothing much happened.”

I didn`t say anything to the boy. For Mark Twain had once said the same thing: Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it.

Dr Manmohan Singh and I go a long way. If Dr Manmohan Singh hadn`t been named Asia`s best Finance Minister in 1993 (wasn`t it that year?), I wouldn`t have wanted to become a Finance Minister and joined BA Economics at The American College, Madurai. Thanks to him, I had joined the only course in the college which the pretty girls hated. I will never forgive Dr Manmohan Singh for what he did to me – my experience studying BA Economics was so bad that that till date it remains my only exposure to college. By the time I was out (in 1998 A.D.) I had started believing in self-education.

In this post, I try and imagine the various SMS conversations that Dr Manmohan Singh would be having with his friends & colleagues. If you haven`t guessed it yet, this is my revenge on India`s Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh for stealing my childhood away from me.

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Manmohan Singh and the Head of Black Cats Security the moment Dr Manmohan Singh assumed office and moved into his official 7, Race Course Road residence…..

Dr Manmohan Singh: Guess, where I am?

Head of Black Cats: The Discussion Room

Dr Manmohan Singh: Now?

Head of Black Cats: In the Meeting Room

Dr Manmohan Singh: Tell me where am I now?

Head of Black Cats: The Nuclear room.

Dr Manmohan Singh: My God. So, it is true. You guys are good. OK now?

Head of Black Cats: The 3rd closet in women`s toilet. And can we get over this game please?

Dr Manmohan Singh: Sure. Sorry.

————-X—————
Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Manmohan Singh and his longtime friend Balwinder Singh immediately after he moved into his official residence at 7, Race Course Road.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Now, you can drop in home for a drink.

Balwinder Singh: Isn`t your wife home?

Dr Manmohan Singh: Too many rooms. Earlier house had only 3, so she could find us. Besides, no need to ask her for money to buy the drinks – I have my own personal wine cellar in the basement.

Balwinder Singh: And you don`t have to pay?

Dr Manmohan Singh: I hope so. I will check with Vajpayee if he was asked to pay the bills when he checked out after five years.

Balwinder Singh: Yeah. It happened with me in South Africa, when I went for that Economists` Seminar. I had to pay the hotel while checking out.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Calling Vajpayee now. Hope he picks up…for all that we did to him.

————-X—————

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Dr Manmohan Singh and his girl friend after he became the Prime Minister.

Dr Manmohan Singh: FYI. My mobile SMSes are being tracked, so let us not discuss economics on this phone.

So-and-so Kaur: When did we ever discuss Economics? Are you crazy?

Dr Manmohan Singh: If Adam Smith, the Father of Economics equals Cupid, then Economics equals? Don`t answer that, just FYI.

So-and-so Kaur: What has happened to you? You have changed after you have become the Prime Minister. And I was thinking, you won`t.

Dr Manmohan Singh: I haven`t changed. I am surrounded by people now – people of all kinds. I hope you understand. Give me some time.

So-and-so Kaur: I supported you when they spoke of you and Sonia. Is she the ‘kind people` you are talking about? What is it about her that I don`t have?

Dr Manmohan Singh: You don`t understand “Economics”.

————-X—————

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Dr Manmohan Singh and his Chief of Security staff six months after Dr Dr Manmohan Singh became the Prime Minister.

Dr Manmohan Singh: What about China dude?

Chief of Security Staff: What about China?

Dr Manmohan Singh: I was briefed they are lining up their troops across the border.

Chief of Security Staff: That`s been happening since 1962, and 25 Chief of Staffs and fourteen Prime Ministers have changed watching them line up their troops on the border.

Dr Manmohan Singh: I shouldn`t be worried?

Chief of Security Staff: Nope. By the way, they are showing Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham on Sony TV.

Dr Manmohan Singh: I was watching ‘The Great Escape` on HBO. Checking Sony now.

————-X—————

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Dr Manmohan Singh and Sonia Gandhi one year after Dr Manmohan Singh became the Prime Minister.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Sorry, couldn`t hold it any longer. You look good in a saree.

Sonia Gandhi: This is Rahul Gandhi. Please keep your dirty hands to yourself. Stay away from my mother. Or else….

Dr Manmohan Singh: Oops! Wrong number.

————-X—————

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Dr Manmohan Singh and the actual Sonia Gandhi three months after the earlier incident with Rahul Gandhi.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Is this Sonia Gandhi?

Sonia Gandhi: Yes Manmohan.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Are you sure you are NOT Rahul or Priyanka?

Sonia Gandhi: Yes I am sure. What is it Manmohan?

Dr Manmohan Singh: I can`t hold it any longer. You look good in a saree.

Sonia Gandhi: What? Why do you say so?

Dr Manmohan Singh: Just felt like. Nothing else.

Sonia Gandhi: Manmohan, I look at you like my brother. We have such a platonic relationship…why do you want to spoil it?

Dr Manmohan Singh: Brother?

Sonia Gandhi: Second only to Amar Singh, but brother all the same.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Would you have Maneka`s number with you?

————-X—————

Here is a SMS conversation that happened between Dr Dr Manmohan Singh and his father two years after Dr Manmohan Singh was sworn in as the Prime Minister.

Dr Manmohan Singh`s father: Congrats son.

Dr Manmohan Singh: Thanks father. Even I didn`t expect to
stay this long. Being married to Gursharan Kaur really helped matters.

Dr Manmohan Singh`s father: Yeah. Submission runs in the family, and we have only gained from it.

Dr Manmohan Singh: I guess so.

Dr Manmohan Singh`s father: I met your class teacher yesterday and he still doesn`t believe that you are the country`s Prime Minister.

Dr Manmohan Singh: What does he say?

Dr Manmohan Singh`s father: He says the joke has gone too far.

Note 1: The first SMS conversation is inspired from one of the Obama jokes I had read on internet. Don`t remember the source.
Note 2: If you can think of any other people with whom Dr Manmohan Singh could have had an SMS conversation, please do leave a comment and I just might be able to update this post with more conversations.
Note 3: Thanks Nil Thinker, have corrected Manmohan’s residence post your comment

Being a sport (having a sense of fellowship with or a sense of respect for your competitor) doesn’t mean that your ‘willingness to win’ is suspect.

Everybody hates a sore loser and everybody loves a good sport. Watch this video – awesome. In some places you might even cry.

Our daughter Rhea has been steadily growing. And why not? She eats as many rotis as her 34 year old father. Though she keeps referring to her strength by saying “I am a strong girl” and her muscles by saying “See my muscles”….we feel she is also developing mentally – a trait rarely seen amongst the elders in our family. She is developing likes & dislikes. So much so, I suspect that if she had a Facebook account she would sue Mark Zuckerberg for NOT having a ‘Dislike` button on his website.

After reading this blog post don`t just rush to have sex (and beget a baby)….I have only written about the good things of being a parent. Being a piece of her mother`s, I find handling my daughter equally difficult but more about that later.

Anyway, as part of her growing process….Rhea has started loving ice creams. I am glad we live in an era when ice-creams can be bought anywhere, and stored in the house (in a refrigerator, of course). I shudder to think what would have happened if this father-daughter duo had lived when Roman emperors ruled the roost. In case you aren`t aware…allow me to update you. Back then only the Roman emperors could have ice creams. Primarily because only they had slaves, who could be sent to fetch snow from the mountain tops, which were then mixed with flavours to make ice creams.

I am also glad we didn`t live in the period of King of England, Charles I, for he being the selfish bugger that he was, offered his chief chef 500 pounds a year to keep his ice-cream recipe a secret from the rest of England. The King`s objective: Common folks shouldn`t be able to experience ice cream.

Don`t believe me? Try out the video below. My only complain with God is that…at this rate, I suspect that I might be giving her hand (when she is a pretty 25-year-old) in marriage to an ice cream man. Wonder which street this ice cream man would be servicing, and what brand he might be selling.

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