How to manipulate a man

Posted by Jamshed V Rajan on July 26, 2009. 18 comments.

If you are a married lady this article will be of great use to you. If you are a girl and grappling with a boy friend, this article can help you to handle your boy friend better. And if you are a guy, be warned…the lady of your life might be reading Ouchmytoe.com.

In this article we will look at how a woman can dominate her man and enslave him. If you are a woman and don`t have the time to read the whole article, here is the gist:

Give your man enough sex and he will be your slave

If you are still reading, it means you are a woman and have time on your hands…so let us continue.

Since I have been a man for the last three decades, let me assure you that I never looked at a girl and said: “Wow, just look at her…she is intelligent!”

Instead, this is how an average discussion goes. The older the men (and longer since their last marriage) the nastier the discussion:

Gentleman A: “Your 6 O`Clock.”

Gentleman B: “Who? Pretty girl?”

Gentleman A: “Yeah man. In a mini.”

Gentleman B: “Worth it? I am already looking at one sitting your at your 5 O` Clock.

Gentleman A: “Yeah worth it. 36-26-36….I could be off by a few inches on the hips because she is sitting.”

Gentleman B: “OK, I am going to turn…you turn away.”

After letting a few drops of his saliva drop on his shirt

Gentleman A: “I owe you a beer. She has &^&^ *&* *(*(^&%^ ^&^% $%$% $%$% #$#$#$ @#@.”

Gentleman B: “Yep. The guy sitting with her must be a lucky ^&^&^%^%$.”

Like I was saying, men never look at a girl and said “Wow, she is intelligent. I want to go out with her!”…for men never go after intelligence.

Most men look at a woman like a sex object. They might not agree, but most men will have sex with any woman if only they had a place. A place with a good mattress, pillows & air conditioning is even better, because he can sleep off after sex. Don`t trust me? Conduct your own Star Plus Sach Ka Samna at home and find out.

Since I am the writer of this article I can try and salvage my chances for a night out. For me women aren`t sex objects…they are simply human beings that object to sex. Now that`s fair, don`t you think?

Once you have given your man all the sex that he needed, ask him for what you wanted. A man can`t read a woman`s mind and don`t expect him to try…for that`s very difficult. Men struggle even after three years of courtship and four years of marriage. If you don`t ask…you won`t get anything and all your efforts go wasted.

While asking him for what you wanted, please ensure these:

Step 1: Check if your man hasn`t slept off after the sex

Step 2: Give him one stress ball in each hand and ask him relax (this will also keep him from sleeping too)

Step 3: If he still feels sleepy, grab both the balls in your hands and leave him crying. I meant the stress balls.

Step 4: Time yourself and start speaking. A lecture of anything less than 3 hours will not yield results…men start listening only after the first 150 minutes because then they know if its that long it is a cause for concern

Step 5: When you ask him to do anything, don`t be polite. Order. Some strong, powerful men love to be ordered to

Step 6: If you were smarter, you would have skipped Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 4 and Step 5 and as he put his cold hands inside your T-shirt, ask him: “Promise me we are going to buy a house soon…and we will be looking at all the brochures of the apartment complexes that I have short listed.”

If you are a man and are still reading this…here is a tip for you. A man gets a high when he feels a woman….but a woman gets a high when somebody makes her feel that she is pretty, sexy and irresistible. If you know she is cutting down, add a line about how she has lost so much weight and looks ravishing now.

If you still have questions on how to manipulate a man, try target practice at jv.rajan@gmail.com

P.S.: When you mail me for target practice, you can also congratulate me….for yours sincerely has been promoted to Associate Vice President.