Making a spectacle of oneself

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

– Henny Youngman (1906 – 1998)

I have been wearing glasses (not the whiskey ones) since I was in grade one. As proof I even have a mark on the bridge of my nose. Being a south Indian, I am proud to tell you that I share this so called ‘mark` with a Superstar called Rajinikanth!

Anyway, this post isn`t about me sharing a mark with the Superstar…but about this sudden urge in me to shift to contacts. If only I had contacts in high places, I would have got a well paying job and been able to afford contacts…which I would have then placed in high places – for example, my cupboard – for fear of my child.

* * * * * * * * *

I was in grade one, when my teacher asked me to get my parents to school. The obedient boy that I was, I called them.

“Please, get him glasses….I don`t think he can see what I write on the black board,” she told my mother. My mother was nodding her head vigorously. I was standing close by and overhearing.

How did the class teacher know? I was surprised and happy. In my excitement, I took a step closer and asked my teacher: “Madam, will I be able to read after I start wearing glasses?”

“Sure Rajan. Why not?” My class teacher was very encouraging.

“Because my mother thinks one needs to learn ABCD…. before one can start reading.”

Anyway, like I was saying…the first time I landed at an Optician for my pair of glasses, I didn`t even know what hit me. My father looked at a few spectacles, placed a fewer still on my nose and looked at me from far and near….and then handed me a pair that DIDN`T look like Harry Potter`s. I excused him because Harry Potter wasn`t even born then. But my father sure made a spectacle of me.

If you are somebody who has spent a good amount of time with bad eyes but no spectacles, you will agree that the World becomes a lot more colorful with glasses on the bridge of your nose.

My father decided to go back home by the public transport…to which I protested. I said: “Father, why don`t we take an auto?”

“No son…using public transport builds character.”

“No father it doesn`t!” I shouted over the noise created by the passing Diesel version of Ambassador.

“Yes son….it does.”

We argued for sometime…but then my father lost patience and threatened to give back my new spectacles if I refused to see his way with glasses he had paid for.

It has been least 25 years now (with a few years of Contact lenses in between)…and I have to tell you that I have had good and bad times.

The best was when yesterday when Rekha came closer, removed my glasses and said: “Rajan, without the glasses you look as young as you were at our marriage.”

Without battling an eyelid, I shot back: “I tend to agree ….without my glasses you look as young as you were at our marriage.”

*If you noticed this post was supposed to be about my contacts 😉

Other Funny Reads

Train-ed Romance – Flirting with a Pretty girl in a Train
Rekha and I had a small fight today morning
Being a celebrity is tough
Our visit to the gynecologist….
My eyesight….my problems

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6 thoughts on “Making a spectacle of oneself

  1. Jammy,

    Nice to see you back in full form like Sehwag.

    My advice to you is – dont have too many glasses, lest you make a spectacle of yourself.

    Cheers,
    Salil

  2. Jammy,
    Nice to see you back. And I fully understand the pain of being a bespectacled person. As a kid I remember thinking that the voltage was low and so everything appeared dark. It was only later on I realised that the voltage was low in my eye 🙁

  3. Ahhh, so did the contacts happpen??? i switched over last year, and then went back to glasses when i ran out of lenses, and just got myself a new set!!! 😀

    love wearing shades.. so gotta wear my contacts!!:D

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