Funny farewell mail for colleagues on last day


On Nov 9, I put in my papers in Satyam Computers. I am now moving to Yahoo! and looking forward to it.

No, it wasn`t how an Amitabh Bachchan or a Vijay Shanti (of Telugu films) would submit their resignations. Instead, it was quite a sober affair. I mailed my RM, who promptly accepted. No dharnas, no self-immolation threats and no road roko. Pity.

Since tomorrow is my last day in Satyam Computers, I was working on my farewell mail when a thought occurred to me: “Has somebody ever written a funny farewell letter?”

On Googling, I found this funny farewell mail written by Chris Kula, a comedy writer in New York City.

-X-X-X-

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I`ve worked here, I`ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past three years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I`ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Rudy: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Steven: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Eileen: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

To Felix: I left a new wristwatch on your desk. It is so that you might be able to still tell time even without your hourly phone call to let me know the copier is jammed. (Call Steven – he`ll come by.)

And finally, to Kat: you were right – I tested positive. We`ll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,
Chris Kula


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36 thoughts on “Funny farewell mail for colleagues on last day

  1. Hi Jammy! Congrats on your new assignment!
    You can now follow the steps of Shammi Kapoor…
    ” Yahooooooooooooo
    Chahe koi mujhe blogger kahe
    Mujhe Uspe koi parva na rahe”

  2. Boooo.. atlast you have made the world know that you are joining Google… You could have just told us Jammy.. Congrats…

    Like to peer in your farewell letter…

  3. Dear boss

    I can no longer spread my sheets or e my mails. I just don’t Excel. My point has lost its power, and my micro is soft. I can’t access my binder, basically my photo is shopped. Time to be recycled.

    -Anonymous

  4. Hi Jammy!
    Congrats on the new assignment…now you are no longer the distant colleague 🙂
    i am in the bangalore BHR facility.
    All the best!
    Cheers
    Karthik

  5. Hey, my dad travelled on KF airlines recently and they gave him an umbrella:) Cool weapon for the Chennai rains:)…but as luck would have it, it stopped raining immediately after:) LOL

  6. Hey,

    It is an excellent post and very funny!

    Why don’t you shares your experience in satyam. That is your work profile, achivements, learning etc…

    Cheers,
    Arun

  7. Radhika: It would have been quite a relief if I were looking around while at Satyam. But I was wasn’t coz I was happy and gay – and then the Yahoo call came…so the feeling is even better.

    Yes, Rekha writes abt movies and stuff…

  8. Arun: Thanks buddy. Shammi Kapoor has always enthralled me…so much of energy. I know he looked stupid while doing all that stuff…but he sure entertained.

    ” Yahooooooooooooo
    Chahe koi mujhe blogger kahe
    Mujhe Uspe koi parva na rahe”

    – Loved the above lines. You have a poet hidden inside you. Please let him out immediately or you could be accused of kidnapping.

  9. Hariharan: ha ha ha…good one. For a moment I was like this is is supporting me…and then I realize you are supporting the company. Whats up with you?

  10. Uma: Are you sayin instead of typing in Yahoo there was a typing mistake and you typed Google?

    You sound like that guy who got a divorce because instead of saying “Honey, please pass me the salt” by mistake he said: “Pass me the salt you f*^#ing piece of dog shit.”

  11. Sunny: Thats a nice resignation letter. Hope your boss doesn’t read Ouchmytoe…he could consider this as ur resignation letter and ask the HR to process the formalities.

  12. karthik: thanks mate. Went to the Mumbai facility on Thursday and Friday…will be Bangalore on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next. But I guess youw ould be in the R&D wing?

    Close colleagues now huh? 😉

  13. Aishwariya: Oh my God…your father brought the umbrella home?

    The plane had actually been hijacked, and since ur father was sitting near the terrorist…the air hostess had quietly sneaked in an umbrella to your father so that he could hurt the terrorist and save the passengers. Instead…he sat thro’ the whole drama and brought it home! 😉

  14. Arun Shrivas: thanks buddy…but the problem is..I am under a gentleman’s agreement not to make fun of the company (coz this is a funny blog) where I worked for close to 18 months. And that would be ungentlemanly. I know you understand.

  15. Jammy,
    Will miss you at Satyam. I wanted some info from you about some tools in Satyam. But then ……forget it!!!!

    Hey btw. can you tell me why you left Satyam? I’m 4 months old here …….and donno what to say?

    -Rajiv

  16. The original writer of this email is Raghavendra Jana. I still have the original email with me dated 15th May, 2006. And I am sure no one on internet will date back this email to that date, regarding this letter. Infact he has send this to everyone in the company (Reliance Communications).

    Now he is in US, working there.

    He is extremely talented, and a good writer. He was always appreciated by his team and higher ups for his innovative ideas and his professional and personal abilities.

    He was working on some movie scripts and shared ideas with me. I was stumped with his writing abilities and couldn’t believe how can one be so innovative in his thoughts and writing abilities.

    I am sure one day his name will appear in some movies, as a story, script and dialogue writer.

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