Airport Security: Don’t take it personally

By Melvin Durai

Melvin Durai is an India-born, North America-based humorist, writer and occasional stand-up comedian. His humor columns, acclaimed for being both funny and thought-provoking, are carried regularly by dozens of newspapers, magazines and websites in several countries, including the United States, India and Zambia. Melvin doesn’t know this yet, but he is a regular reader of

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying British Airways Flight 324 nonstop from London to New York. We are still awaiting our security clearance from U.S. authorities, but it’s safe to assume that we’ll land in New York sometime in the next month or so.

If you look to your left, you will see a landmark that attracts more than one million tourists every year. It’s called Heathrow Airport. Yes, we haven’t yet taken off, as a few astute passengers have noticed. Needless to say, we would rather wait on the ground than in the air — it’s so much easier to get a refill. You won’t believe how fast we go through our liquor cart. More

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