Rekha wants me to upgrade my wardrobe. Believe me, survival can be difficult if your wife believes in keeping wardrobes clean and organized. Especially, if after you have spent close to four hours setting it up according to your wife`s wishes…she suddenly says: “Honey, why don`t you upgrade your wardrobe?”
In moments like this, man starts hating clothes, and dreams about a world without them. Can you imagine a world without shirts, trousers or sarees? I did…
If only Adam & Eve hadn`t touched the apple, we all would today be roaming about naked – without clothes. But the two did a huge favor for the textile industry, which would not have existed but for the demand for clothes. Without the textile industry, where would all the fashion designers go? What about all those dumb models who showcase the latest in clothes? At least the fashion designers will be able to branch out into interior designing. What will the models do?
Without clothes, fashion designers, and models…the biggest pal of all married men – Fashion TV – will remain a dream. No print or TV advertisements for brands like Allen Solly, Basics, Dockers etc.
This lack of clothes… will be a blessing in disguise for the men. You, naughty! I meant the shopping…imagine the number of hours our girlfriends/wives will cut off from their shopping time if clothes were not on the list? There would be no trial rooms in shops, unless you want to try out the new pressure cooker you are buying.
Needless to say, there will be no formal and informal dressing. Thus, no business suit…and no Friday dressing…and of course no marriage gowns. How would we identify the bride in the crowd? OK…it is enough if the bridegroom knows.
Shorelines will get less exciting because there will be no nude beeches. With everybody roaming around naked, men will resort to eye-rape and thus we will be able to reduce rape incidents in the community. Jack the Rippers will get into cold storage. But if at all somebody goes overboard and indulges in the heinous crime, the police will be in a fix. They will find it difficult to differentiate between the rapist and the victim. Aren`t the victims always identified with their torn clothes?
Even if the police have to rush to the rape spot, where will they keep their pistol? No trouser to tuck it in. And with no trouser, there will be no pockets to keep wallets, mobiles and kerchiefs. They will have to strap them on or hang them from somewhere.
A world without clothes is a scary thought. When I got out of the nightmare, Rekha was staring right at me. “So what were you thinking about?” she asked.
“A world without clothes can be scary.”
“I completely agree. Shit scary,” for the first time after our marriage Rekha had agreed with me.
I let out a happy, “Yeah.”
She continued: “Just think about it. If there were no clothes in the World, we would have been in deep trouble during Tsunami!”
“We wouldn`t have had old clothes to donate!”