The art of peeing

When it comes to peeing, men and women are definitely like chalk and cheese.

Difference between a man and a woman when they pee

Men and women are different in many ways. Maybe that’s what attracted them to each other in the first place, and is keeping the world go around. But when it comes to peeing, men and women are like chalk and cheese. Chalk for instance will absorb the pee, and cheese won’t. No, that’s not the point of this piece…carry on.

When a man goes for peeing, he gets up from where he is sitting, walks straight to the washroom, stands at the urinal (standing at the urinal is an art-form and we will go deeper into that later), lets go and comes back. Doesn’t even waste time washing his hand (sprinkled or non-sprinkled).

For a woman on the other hand, it is a pretty complex exercise. Mind you, I am still talking of peeing.

Organizing the event

First of all, the lady has to organize the event called peeing. For this she needs to first find a lady who will accompany her to the washroom. Mind you, this isn’t an easy task for the lady needs to be a friend, somebody she can trust, somebody who is not as pretty as her. After all these are met the final criterion of a matching biological clock also needs to be checked upon.

Once the lady has been identified, the right washroom needs to be identified –  a clean, well-maintained washroom where one doesn’t have to bring down the potty seat (which in-turn isn’t soiled) and there is enough supply of toilet paper.

After it is mutually agreed between the two ladies that the said washroom qualifies, decision has to be taken on who goes in first. This usually ends up being the person who initiated the whole exercise, since she has the urgency. While the first person goes in, the accomplice stands outside with her purse/handbag etc.

Dear men, please note that women are also known as anti-camels among biological scientists because if camels can go for days without drinking water, women can go on for days without peeing if they don’t get a clean washroom.

Once the decision on who is going to use the washroom is taken, the next stage of peeing is initiated.

The actual act of peeing

The selected one, on entering the washroom, surveys it in all directions – including top and bottom. You might wonder what’s the need to survey. She is actually looking for hidden cameras, and two-way mirrors (which our Facebook friends warn us about) etc before proceeding. Once she is sure the coast is clear, she takes a good look at the toilet seat for any signs of it being soiled or stained. Even a single speck is cleaned with loads of toilet paper. After this cleaning process, she will take out her phone and open the flashlight app to shine some light on the toilet seat – to try and identify any speck of dirt which may have escaped the naked eye during the first inspection.

Now that everything is clean, she will sit down and stop breathing for a while. This is to see if there is anybody else in the washroom. If there is nobody she will go ahead and pee. But if there is somebody still in the washroom, she won’t pee till they leave. This is to avoid the accidental fart being associated with her face by the person who saw her getting into the washroom.

Post peeing formalities

Post peeing, she will take some more toilet paper and wipe the potty seat. Flush twice. Open the flashlight app and shine it on the potty seat to be sure she isn’t leaving anything behind. After she is sure, she will get out of the washroom.

Once she is out, she will take back her handbag from her accomplice and as a favor hold her accomplice’s handbag while she takes her turn at the washroom. After the whole three stage process is completed by the accomplice, they both will come back to their desks. Did I forget to mention the meticulous washing of hands? Well, they finish that as well.

Now, you know – when it comes to peeing, men and women are definitely like chalk and cheese.

9 Responses

  1. Jammy

    @Pawan: The obsession about clean toilets came from my wife…rest from my lady friends & colleagues…watch them…you will notice too

  2. Jammy

    @Rajtilak: They won’t kill me…they can’t jump high enuff to put the sack over my head, they can’t drive a car to kidnap me out of the city, and they wont be able to put down the phone within 60 seconds (the time required to put a trace on the call) when they call for ransom…so I am safe

  3. Hahaha…great observation! But unfortunately it is not valid for all women…because if it were, all ladies’ toilets would be wonderfully clean!

  4. I will add to ‘the actual act of peeing’ From what I’ve (heard )experienced, women aged between 18-22 wait for their accomplice or others using the restroom to flush first. I.e they start peeing such that the sound of it camouflages with the flush sound.some sort of discrete sophistication in the act lest other women think they are indecent.

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  6. How a post about peeing kept me so intrigued till the very end, I will never understand. You put up some good points but I have to say that I feel a little less of a lady after reading this as I skip stage 1 because you know what they say nature calls and you can’t wait for nobody and don’t bother that much with stage 3 🙂

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