Month: July 2004

It seems there is a National Liars Hall of Fame in Dannenbrog, Nebraska, US of A. No, I am not lying. It is true.

Maybe, we could set up something like this in India – the Indian Liars Hall of Fame. It would be an able platform for all those out there that have never been recognized for their ability to keep a straight face, while delivering a fast one.

Since I conceptualized the whole idea (I did not read about this in The Hindu dated 5th July 2004), I get to be Exhibit No 1. I will be in the space suit that I was wearing when I participated in NASA`s `Find a successor to Rakesh Sharma` program.

I could fill the whole museum with my own exhibits, but I guess I would not be doing justice to my counterparts – in fact the whole World. World is divided into those who have to tried to lie, those who have lied and those who have lied and have been tried. In short, you and I have company.

Here are some of the exhibits that the museum will display –

1) The vest that I was wearing when I escaped Jallianwalah Bagh massacre. It is full of holes from the bullets.
2) The guitar John Lennon forgot in my house when he got pissed drunk in my house and had to take a Taxi. My father was hosting him over a drink.
3) The stuffed crow that some 15 years back shat on Michael Gorbachev`s pate. Ever since the Perestroika man, who has been too sensitive to urea, has had a scar on his pate.
4) The handkerchief that Kapil Dev used to wipe his tears after crying during a Television interview. This will be a masterpiece.
5) The 10-gram diamond ring that I presented Rekha yesterday (it was her B`day). She has agreed to its display on select days.

Parties interested in displaying their wares at the museum can get in touch with me at the toll free number: 91-98843-91221

Crime is ramphant in this World, more so in India which makes its presence felt at the top of the list of the most corrupted countries. That is not to take away the credit of Mexico, which is the most corrupt country in the World.

Ever lived in a hostel? If not, you would better stop reading coz you are not going to understand one bit.

Today morning when I walked into my balcony, I saw my towel fall from the line where I had left it to dry. It was dry all right. But it was kind of stiff too. My towel fell and broke as if it were a porcelain saucer.

I know it is hard to believe, but then you are not I. Neither do you have a towel like mine.

I have been a proud owner of this towel for the last three years. Turkey towel, the shopkeeper said when I was paying him Rs 110. Pity, he did not ask to me to change my towel every thanks-giving day. I could have done without the demise of my very Turkey-named British towel.

Was it a rotten towel? No sir. I know a rotten towel from the other..I have seen Vamsee`s. By the way, I share my apartment with this supposedly creative dude called Vamsee, whom we affectionately call Nellore Ka King.

Now back to towel talk. Of late my room had started stinking. I could not lay the blame anywhere. I had too many choices. Due to lack of water, I had ceased to take bath. Was my deodorant failing me? Or was the stink due to that rotten banana in the corner of my room that I had left unattended for a week. Or was it the un-flushed toilet?

Eventually, it turned out to be my towel. Protests from Vamsee could not be resisted and I had to pick up the remains of my towel and give it the due burial. I had everything ready for a state funeral, but my towel refused to burn. Some unfulfilled wish, I presume.

Probably it wanted to wipe my ass, one last time.