When I got online….

I was introduced to the internet five years back. I started out with e-mails and slowly graduated to yahoo chat. The net was just right for me. I could lie. I could pretend. I could hide. I could lie again. Given below is the transcript of my attempts to find a friend online…that day five years ago.

Vital Info: My yahoo id is pppumpkincarver

6.30 p.m.
pppumpkincarver: Hi
pleazemeetme: ASL pls
pppumpkincarver: What…?
pleazemeetme: Are you a guy or a girl?
pppumpkincarver: Guy. Why?
pleazemeetme: F*&^ off you punk.

Later I would come to know that pleazemeetme was a guy looking for a girl.

6.45 p.m.

pppumpkincarver: Hi
meetmeinheaven: asl?
pppumpkincarver: You mean sex?
meetmeinheaven: Yes. How did you know what I was thinking?
pppumpkincarver: Just like that. I am a guy.
meetmeinheaven: Then why do you want to have sex with me?
pppumpkincarver: When did I say that?
meetmeinheaven: Buzz off you fruit cake (incase you did not know, it means a homo)

This guy was desperate.

7.00 p.m.

meetmeinheaven: asl?
pinky190479: 20/F/Lackhnow
meetmeinheaven: whats that?
pinky190479: My asl dumbo.
meetmeinheaven: Does asl mean age, sex and location?
pinky190479: Yes. Guess you are too dumb. Bye.
meetmeinheaven: No…no.. I am new to chat.
pinky190479: That`s fine. Bye.

By now, I had smartened up and realized that on the net the guys are looking for girls. And girls too are looking for girls.

7.15 p.m

radhika_krishnamurthy (BTW, this is me): Hi
jaya_bisht79: Hi
radhika_krishnamurthy: asl?
jaya_bisht79: 22/F/Nanital (UP)
radhika_krishnamurthy: Cool.
jaya_bisht79: Your asl?
radhika_krishnamurthy: 23/F/Chennai
jaya_bisht79: Thats neat.
radhika_krishnamurthy: So what do you do?
jaya_bisht79: I am a web-designer.
radhika_krishnamurthy: I cannot believe my luck. My brother is a programmer and he wants to shift to web-designing. He had some doubts.
jaya_bisht79: What kind?
radhika_krishnamurthy: If it is worth the shift, salary expected …you know that kind. If it is ok with you, shall I give him your id?
jaya_bisht79: Hm….fine. Should not be a problem. Is he online?
radhika_krishnamurthy: No he is not online now. I just called him up and gave him your id. BTW, his yahoo id is pppumpkincarver.
jaya_bisht79: No hassles.
radhika_krishnamurthy: That is really nice of you. He will get in touch with you shortly. I will log off now… need to catch the 8 p.m. bus.

Fifteen minutes after I logged off, I logged in again, this time as pppumpkincarver. We struck the right chord. She is still my chat friend and keeps enquiring about my sister Radhika Krishnamurthy. The only grudge is, in my hurry I did not select a good surname for the family.

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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