Words once let out cannot be taken back. And here is a new way of putting it. Very stupid, I agree.
Month: August 2004
My first attempt at ‘advicing’ the world!
When I was a kid I never understood the digestive system. I was under the impression that a morsel of food swallowed would fall into the stomach like something falling into a pickle jar.
As a result, for long I believed it was the ‘bums` where all the shit was stored. Obviously, I was surprised to note that my bums were always the same size. They didn`t deflate after my prolonged session in the loo. Mind you, I was only seven-eight years old then.
Now, I am old enough and I know The Works. But how much I wish, it was true that shit was actually stored in the bums. One could have easily identified people ‘full of shit`. And if I were identified, all I needed to do was…go to the loo!!
I have always thought I was a very creative person. Here is a test I gave myself. If I had 1 kg of grapes with me, what are the different uses I would put it to? Even as I write this, I have half a kg of seedless grapes that I could not finish after a dinner of chicken fried rice and a double omelet.
To find out what is the percentage of water content in each grape, I would put it under a real hot iron box.
– I could do impromptu collage on my bedroom wall by throwing them one by one..
– I could squish it under my thumb and find out if seedless grapes are really seedless.
– I would place them all on the floor and see if I roll a plate over it..just like the Egyptians rolled huge building blocks to make the Pyramids.
– I would try to place one above the other and see if I can set a Guinness record.
– I would put it in my washing machine (which I am yet to buy) and see if I can make some grape juice for myself. *I remember reading one article on how one innovative lassi wala uses his Whirlpool washing machine to cater to the fledging demand for his lassi.
– I could put it in water and stir it long enough to see if it is dissolvable in water.
– I could try inserting one it into the holes in a three-pin plug slot on my wall. If it is a small one, it just might go in.
– I could put a few of them among my clothes and see if grapes can replace the naphthalene balls that my mother still uses.
– I would stand in my balcony and throw them at the people passing by and when enquired will try convincing them that it IS raining grapes.
Agreed, it is crazy. But did not we always know that creativity more often than not borders on insanity. How else would you explain all those intelligent/smart yet insane people in advertising?
In a way beanbags are like chameleons, jesters and liars.
Beanbags are very comfortable as furniture. They take the shape you want it to take, and fill in the gaps you leave. A true well-wisher; with no evil intensions.
Was wondering if it was this characteristic that made beanbags so popular. Or have I been made to believe so by the counter salesmen? I would never know. Anyways…
In the pre-evolutionary era, chameleons were the king. Then, the times were as bad as it is now – anybody who was somebody was looking to bite the other. Only the chameleons could change their color and escape. Agreed, they were never knighted and there never ran any royal blood in their veins, but on survival instincts alone, it could be named King.
The same could be said of court jesters. In a way they were Kings too. Kings of survival. They assumed the shapes and sizes that their kings liked. If the king (or in some cases the queen) wanted one to be a gymnast, the jester became one. Those that did not bend, roll over and/or pretend were left to rue their decision.
The same is the case with today`s corporate liars. Roti, Kapda aur makaan are no longer the basic requirements. Now, one also craves for the luxuries like.. beanbags, for example. With so much at stake, life in a corporate is full of deceit, trickery & treachery. And why not?
To cut the long story short, if you want to own a beanbag, become one. I became, and today am the proud owner of two!
I was under the impression that only heat drives Chennaites crazy but looks like there are many more such influencers. Trade fairs, for example.
From Toyota Camry to a TVS 50, all were lined up at the entrance. The security guard was under the spotlight; that is until he brushed shoulders with self-confessed VIPs driving huge cars and wanting to be provided immediate entry.
The guard was a pathetic sight. The incidents that unfolded, pointed out that he was like the President of India – loads of powers, but no authority to use them on his own. There is certainly no fun in being ‘The Command Center` when nobody is listening; instead try to run you over.
The fact that The Hindu sponsored the fair, ensured it great publicity. Hordes were coming in and the only thing they did not bring with them was trekking gear. And once inside, a GPS device (Global Positioning system) would have also helped. I remember Rekha and I walking in circles…so much so, the shop-keepers started staring at us. They probably thought we were PWD Inspectors, keeping a watch on the proceedings.
And then, there was this one-dollar shop. A nice business technique, which unfortunately cannot be implemented in Indian conditions as you cannot have a ‘1 Rupee` shop. When I last bought something for 1 Rupee, it was sugar cane juice – four years back.
The shop had everything. Including shampoos and conditioners made for Middle East, which on nearing their expiry date had been dumped in India. I wonder why all those buyers never thought how a Rs 250 product could be given away for Rs 100. Common sense escaped them all. None of the 18 pretty girls I was keeping an eye on, looked for the expiry date which more often than not was not later than November 2004.
I wonder how I alone kept my head above my shoulders and came out of the shop after buying only one Rivolta boxers, one set of knives and one cute little pepper-salt dispenser. Guess, it has something to do with Rekha safekeeping my money for me.
I am glad we did not fall prey to this Trade mania. Also, Rs 4200 is a small price to pay for all the good fun that we had at the fair…like the ice-cream cone, the weighing machine, the masala papad, the salted ground nuts, not to mention those 18 girls I eyed for well over four hours…
Guys watch the movie if you have not. And if you have already watched it, watch it again…and this time with your girl friend beside you.
Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn dazzle the screen.
Besides being a romantic, the movie has doses of subtle comedy…in short an enjoyable mix.
If my word does not count…it was nominated for ten Oscars. Click Here to know more.
Believe me..I would never have written about this darn movie, if I had time to write something better. Marriage does bring its set of problems. I am already suffocating…gasp..gasp…
Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi are back again for the Olympics and that is good news for India. I would not take all of the credit for patching up Leander and Mahesh.
Agreed, I went up to Mahesh the other day and said, “Boss, this is too much yaar.” But it was purely because I wanted India to win an Olympic medal, and nothing else. This is how the conversation had gone….
“What too much?” Bhupathi had asked
“An Olympic Gold for India is at stake, and here you guys squabble on small things. This is not on, Mahesh,” I said. I was getting worked up, for I am like you an average patriotic Indian.
“I know…all that Olympic shit…and playing for the Nation bit…but I somehow hate the sight of Paes. And on top of it, there is this girl Mahima Choudhary. I hate her in the movies itself and you expect me stand her,” he asked.
I had no answer to that query, for I myself had watched a Mahima movie Pardes and did not quite buy her presence. I tried the channel two diplomacy.
“Mahesh, but I heard Mahima and Paes are breaking up?”
“Yeah, that b&^%$# would have found another babe. He gets all of them, and I like a stupid guy got married early and am stuck with one,” he said.
“That`s all fine Mahesh. But could you…please… join hands with Leander for this Olympics alone. India will get a Gold and you guys will be popular.”
“Are you sure we will win?”
“Yes, as singles players you guys are a little more than average, and when you team-up you add up the averages and end up being more than 100%.”
He seemed a little satisfied.
“And I will make sure, you win a Gold,” I added in a chest-beating display of exaggeration.
“How come?” he asked me.
“I know a guy there,” I said even as I stifled a yawn.
Bhupathi agreed to play alongside Paes at the Olympics. Now, don`t ask me who is the guy who can get the duo Olympic Gold. I am still looking, for if I knew…wouldn`t I be in Athens…