Month: October 2004

So, here I am composing a mass mailer that will be inserted in the newspapers to bring in hordes of stupid people to my shop ‘Smelly Scented Candles` to buy candles.

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Dear Prospective Customer (Read dumb money spender),

We are extremely thrilled to announce the launch of two rare, new variants of scented candles – Rose and Jasmine.

Experts, here at Smelly Scented Candles, have after exhaustive research closed in on these two scents. While the ‘Rose` candle will smell like rose, which is synonymous with the traditional Indian Woman, the ‘Jasmine` version takes its smell from Jasmine, the white colored flower that is second nature to the silk-clad, South Indian woman.

Even as we take a risk by launching our products during the rainy season – when the water is aplenty, and bathing is not a problem – we are sure it is our quality that will bring you back to us, time and again.

If at all, you have come to our shop to buy candles during electricity blackout, we are extremely sorry…we do not deal in candles with face value of anything less that Rs 100.

Also, at this juncture we would want to announce to the World that our Kallipatti-educated experts have also come up with a wire mesh that you can have around your scented candles – to avoid the insects – if you are using them at night.

To add a new twist to this art of candle making, we have also started making twisted candles. Besides freshening up your house, these also act as showpieces. To maintain the freshness, please keep the candles in the refrigerator.

Buy our scented candles to get rid of bad odors and your hard-earned money.

Yours truly,
Jamshed Velayuda Rajan
Wax Mixer
Smelly Scented Candles

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Without Booze?
You are probably saying “What, without booze? We buy it the day before.” While, I am ashamed of myself, I got to agree that I also do the same. The party starts at 7.30 p.m. and I am sure the toast will be for Gandhi and his ideals. For the uninitiated, all liquor stores stay shut on Oct 2 as a mark respect to the man who was a life-long teetotaler (somebody who drinks tea made from goat milk).