Month: October 2004

10,000 times 10,000!

Ten thousand times ten thousand in sparkling raiment bright,
The armies of the ransomed saints throng up the steeps of light;
`Tis finished, all is finished, their fight with death and sin;
Fling open wide the golden gates, and let the victors in.
– Poet unknown
– – – – – – – – – – – – –

Did you know that Jay Lo has ordered for 10,000 clothes hangers. Or that the 10,000th prime number is 104,729?
Or did you know that the calories burned daily by the sled dogs running in Alaska’s annual race average 10,000. Or did you know that a purse made of crocodile skin sells for a cool $10,000?
Did you know that when Disney World in Florida was opened to the public in 1971 only 10,000 people visited it during the first year? With time, however, the attendance rose to more than 10,000 people an hour.
Did you know that Charlie Chaplin was discovered while he was traveling with a British troupe in the United States in 1913? His first salary was $150 per week. In seven years time, he would figure in 69 films and start charging $10,000 per week.
Did you know Sunil Gavaskar was the first batsman to score 10,000 Test runs.
By now, you are probably wondering why I am obsessed with this number 10,000.
I am going tell you but not before introducing these nice links on –

10,000 Year Calendar
10,000 paintings on the web
10,000 Birds
10,000 ways to say I love you – Book
Home for 10,000 Maniacs
10000 Wonderful Things Museum
The 10000 Steps Program
First 10,000 Digits of the Golden Ratio
Eruptions in the Last 10,000 Years
10000 Monkeys

Well, the secret is… you are probably the 10,000th visitor to my blog. Check the counter on the top left, and let me know if you were the one.
The 10,000th visitor gets a prize – a big hug from me!

Boooo! Halloween is here!

Halloween is a Celtic festival. It is believed that on Oct 31, the Worlds of the living and the dead became blurred and the dead ancestors come back to Earth to find a new body. And since none of the living beings want a ghost to enter their body, they dress up like ghosts & monsters to wade off the evil. Over a period of time, it became a festival and wining and dining entered the scene. More Details on the Festival

By the way, for people who don`t know me, my yahoo id is ‘pppumpkincarver` coz I once used to carve pumpkins for a hobby. Well, at least till they started costing Rs 15/- a Kilo. If you wondering what those extra Ps are doing…that`s for the Darr Effect. Remember Shah Rukh Khan saying…K…K…Kiran. | Tips to carve pumpkins.

I think it is the Halloween fever. I am thinking of pumpkins, witches, Dracula, bats, blood and more.

Perhaps, that is the reason why Bush and Kerry are fighting it out among themselves in the last week of October – the Halloween week. After all, ‘politics’ is made up of words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures.` There I go, again!

I just came to know that Bob Marley has been dead for long yet he has been earning money in millions (Read Interesting Article). He is the Jamaican, who ensured that the World knew about his country’s style of music – rap. Guess, a mummy`s favorite music would also be wrap!

Talking of rap, unless you are a gansta rapster like Ice Cube, I don`t think you would like to dance with your wife with rap playing in the background. Instead, I would prefer some Jazz. Pity all those skeletons who would be wandering around during Halloween. They would have no‘body` to dance with.

On the Halloween night …I guess the vampires would be a big pain in the neck. Especially for beautiful women, with whom they are known to fall in love at first bite. Meanwhile, the ones that love cricket will turn into bats during the day and visit cricket grounds.

Sometimes, I get this feeling that I am a Dracula. For I know I suck!

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Tailor shops’ – whats in a name?

If you have not been as big a fashion freak as Britney Spears or David Beckham, you have probably bought cloth bits and stitched a trouser or a shirt in the tailor shop on the street corner.

Ever wonder what goes behind naming each of these tailor shops? Loads of crappy advice.

A few hours back I saw this shop named `Look Pass Tailors.` Perhaps when the committee sat down to decide on a name for the shop, the guy putting in the money said: “Ok guys, our name should be so good that a passerby should stop, have a look and then move on.” And one intelligent dodo in the gang said, “How about ‘Look Pass.` And the name stayed on.

Very soon, another guy will set up tailor shop across the street. To beat his competitor in the naming game, he would call his shop ‘Look, Peek, Pass Tailors`. No surprises if one day somebody names his shop ‘Look, Peek, Piss & Pass Tailors.`

How can I forget the one called ‘Ray Man Tailors` in Madurai (my native). I suppose he wanted to capitalize on Raymond`s Brand Equity. This guy`s business flourished and next year he opened a Ladies only tailor shop, naming it “Ray Woman Tailors.” That was when I left Madurai and came to Chennai.

And then, there is this TEX syndrome. There are these tailoring shops named A-Tex, B-Tex, C-Tex, D-Tex…till Z-Tex. Now, don`t ask me Y-Tex!

In God`s own country (and that would be Kerala), it is totally different. If the tailor`s name is Thangachan Kumaran, the name of his shop will be ‘Tee Kay Tailors`. God forbid if the tailor`s name were Padmanabhan Pillay for his shop`s name would be ‘Pee Pee Tailors`. Man, the name stinks.

There are many names that I think are worth mentioning here. Here is the list –

1) Indian Tailors – you better be Indian if you want to do business in India.
2) Cuts & Stitches – For a moment I had thought it was a polyclinic.
3) Soft Wear Tailors – Somebody who got pink-slipped during the IT bust and came back to become an entrepreneur.
4) Good Looking Tailors – Does it matter if the tailor is good looking?
5) Future Tailors – Guess, in future they hope to become tailors.

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Victoria’s Secret – do you know it?

I was reading this book called Couplehood by Paul Reiser and in one of the chapters he writes about how he likes flipping through the Victoria`s Secret catalogue. And he finds it entertaining yet morally satisfying. His only complain is that even after thumbing thro` the catalogue a 100 times, he is yet to know Victoria`s Secret.

But my case is different. In my house, Victoria`s Secret is a secret. The catalogue is wrapped up in an old shirt of mine, which in turn is hidden in an old suitcase, kept in the corner of the storeroom. No, actually…under my cot…hmm… I think it is in the kitchen. (Note: I am trying to miss lead you, so that you cannot blackmail once our opinions start differing).

This was a catalogue gifted to me by a fellow college mate, who after spending six years doing BA Economics, eventually managed to get 36 per cent marks and make it to the World of opportunities. It is another matter that he now has a successful business running and earns at least five times more than I do. For the record, I spent only three years doing BA Economics and passed out with a creditable 74 per cent. Life`s irony huh?

Coming back to the catalogue, I have deep sympathies for these women models. I mean, these models deserve more sympathy than the hungry kids of Somalia (does the country still exist? I don`t see them on the TV anymore!). These models are skinny…God knows when they last ate. If only I was watching a live Victoria`s Secret show and I happened to have a breadcrumb (that, I did not want), I am sure I would have thrown it on the ramp.

Or for matter the clothes they wear. I have seen more clothes on people pulled out of fire accidents. Nobody gifts these models clothes for Navratri or Diwali or Christmas. Everybody thinks, “Why should I gift her a churidhaar, she looks perfectly alright in her whatsitsname…”

Sorry…I am so much moved by the plight of these models that I got sentimental.

Surprisingly, Rekha does not understand the plight of these Victoria`s Secret models. Last time she saw me with the catalogue, I got a nice scolding. “You are now married. It is time you stop all this,” she said. I tried to make her understand that I was only trying to give back to the society what I had got from it. She would not buy my reasoning.

By the way, today evening she plans to burn the catalogue.

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The other side of life

My parents have always told me, never believe the feedback that you get on your face. For once, they were correct.

The positive comments on my writing style, humor and attitude, left by scheming visitors kept me me in the dark, false World where I was made to believe that I was the greatest blogger since…whatshisname…ouchmytoe. But I was to be proved wrong. All the while, the same people had been Voting against me.

Now, you would ask me…how I got to know of the nefarious activities of the junta. It is simple. I had a link called “How`s my writing style?” from my blog. The unsuspecting readers had to choose between four options –

1) It is wonderful!
2) Good
3) Not Bad
4) Terrible. Let me go!

As the graph would show you, 76 per cent thought my style of writing was terrible. And mind you, 76 per cent here does not mean distinction.

If you thought that`s end of the story, you are highly mistaken. What the unsuspecting junta doesn`t know is that I have been keeping a tab on the options you have been choosing. Not to mention the IP addresses. Now, God save you.

Of course, salvation is just around the corner. All you need to do is…Click Here and say my blog is wonderful!

Picture This!

Right at the outset we are sorry for being late in having our marriage pics up on the site. Apologies. Apologies. Apologies.

On the right you see the couple in all the gladiatorial-glory. All decked up for what would be a life full of fun and sacrifices!

On Sept 8 (the day of our marriage) the photo-ops were many and there were atleast 4-5 cameras and two video-cameras. That is if we do not include the Handycams brought in by NDTV, Aaj Tak and Headlines Today. As a result, there could be a few snaps where the smile is fake. But I can assure you, those lines on the my forehead are real.

Now for picture time. Each pic comes with an explanation….

The Moment: This pic was snapped a few seconds after I had tied the three knots. You can see Rekha’s father giving her hand to me. Notice that he is trying to supress his tears. The same is the case with Rekha, who is very attached to her father. All the while, I am happy and gay.

The Big Family: Now we are a big family (in this pic Rekha and I are with our parents)…just that we cannot talk to each other as yet. My parents need to learn Malayalam and her’s Tamil. Otherwise, communication is restricted to ‘Talayalam’. Little talk, little problems – a blessing in disguise?

Rekha’s Moment: A very happy mother and a concerned father. A relieved yet okie-dokie parents. Will my daughter be happy with this bugger, seems to ask Mr Chandrashekaran Nair – my father-in-law.

Rajan’s Moment: I am surprised. I am with my parents after marriage and am not smiling. What could be the reason? I wonder. Was I already planning out the honeymoon details?

My Sisters Under Spotlight: “That’s my Bhabhi and I will stand next to her”…there was a fight and Deepa being the elder of the two won. Sumathy got to stand next to her. All this even as my brother-in-law Murugan sneaks in beside me.

Special Saudi Spice: Sudhir chettan & Rema chechi are lawyers and here have forgotten their black coat. For a change…they are were in the witness box. The baby, who is upset with both NDTV & Aaj Tak for being mis-quoted, and hence refusing to face the camera, is Anupam.

From The Land of Pepper: Balan uncle & Lakshmi aunty are Sudhir chettan’s parents. Oh…you should never go to their house if you cannot eat one goat by yourself – that is how much love and food that they will give you.

Signing Off: This was the last picture we posed for at Sri Annapoorneshwari temple – the venue for our marriage. Of course, God willing.. (and our family photographer willing) you will see many more such snaps on this website.

Buying vegetables…for a heavy price

Ever tried going to the vegetable market with your wife? I did. And I should tell you that it was not worth the money, time and energy spent. The whole idea sucks.

“Hope you have taken the money,” she asks even before I am aware that I am being taken to the market.

“Money for what?,” an innocent me questions.

She just gives me a look and points in the direction of the market. This gesture when translated from the women-only language to English means ‘I want you to come with me to the vegetable market and don`t even try to wriggle out because I am already upset with you.`

Being the domesticated man that I am, I follow her orders. In a short while, I am in the bustling market. I don`t know when, but somehow the cloth bag that Rekha was carrying has changed hands.

I stop at the counter potatoes, my favorite vegetable. But Rekha pulls me away. “Potatoes make me look fat,” she says.

“Sure,” a docile me agrees.

In the next 15 minutes I will learn that Rekha does not like carrots, tomatoes, oranges, papaya and pumpkin because they are yellow in color. When asked why, she says “I am not THAT type.”

I could imagine she not wearing a yellow shirt…but not having yellow vegetables? Ridiculous.

Soon, I would also find out that she was bad in buying vegetables. She did not know to pick the ‘freshest` lady`s fingers, the most flexible drumstick and the healthiest coconut.

A weakness in Rekha has always excited and made me happy. More often that not, I have also gained in confidence. Unable to hold back when an opportunity was offering itself, I shot at her, “Looks like you are very bad at selection.”

She gave me a long piercing look and said: “YEAH.” I am not too sure if she was referring to the vegetables. 🙁