Saw this Apple’s iPhone video on YouTube and thought it deserved to be on Ouchmytoe.com as well.
Some more iPhone links –
# A funny take on iPhone – Courtesy, The Onion
# Features the iPhone doesn’t have
# iPhone – The real story
# Wikipedia’s iPhone page for comprehensive info on the smart phone
Finally! This post is to announce my arrival in Gurgaon. The city is all gur and no gaon.
At about 9.15 a.m. on June 25, the pilot of the 6.15 a.m. Kingfisher Airlines from Chennai announced: “We will be reaching Delhi in the next ten minutes. The climatic temperature in the Indian capital is 30 degree Celsius at the moment, and the political temperature is close to 100 degree Celsius.”
I stayed in my seat …the passengers who had to get down at Delhi started getting ready. One of them changed from his lungi into a three-piece suit, while the other removed the saree-cradle she had tied from the roof of the airplane for her baby.
Since I wasn`t getting down in Delhi, I didn`t even wear my shoes. Whenever on a plane, I make it a point of removing my shoes and showing my socks to the fellow passengers. This way, nobody blames me for the foul smell which unfortunately follows me all around.
Just to be sure I dug into my experience of traveling in buses and nudged my co-passenger (who was checking morphed Madhuri Dixit`s pictures in his Blackberry) and asked: ‘This airplane would go to Gurgaon, right? Is that the last stop?”
“I am sorry. This is a Chennai-Delhi flight.” Madhuri Dixit`s pictures must have been real good, for the man got back to his Blackberry.
I wanted to argue with the man, but somehow Madhuri Dixit`s morphed pictures caught my eye and I lost track of time. Don`t get me wrong…the Photoshop expert had only morphed Madhuri Dixit as Jhansi Ki Rani. Or was that Shantoshi Ma?
Suddenly somebody shouted: “Did you just fart?” The question was loud and heard all over the airplane. Six of the passengers shouted back in indignation: “It wasn`t me this time!”
Thankfully, we all heard the pilot say to his co-pilot, “Shucks, the mike is still on,” before the line went dead. I say thankfully, because the passengers had started blaming each other and some were even asking for proof of being non-guilty.
Unlike his mouth, the pilot had better control over his hands – it was one of the best landings I had experienced.
All the passengers bound for Delhi stood up….and started walking slowly. I fail to why the inside of an airplane turns into a metropolitan bus as soon as it stops.
Soon enough, everybody got down.
Suddenly I was feeling lonely. I always feel so when I am the last passenger and I have to get down at the terminus. Just that, in a bus the home stretch is spent with the conductor and here I had two pretty kingfisher air hostesses for company.
Luck of all lucks….one of them was now looking at me…and smiling…and walking towards me. Was she going to take advantage of me? Was the second air hostess also going to join in? What will they force me to do? Will they video-tape me and then force me to visit their home whenever they wanted? Will the video be uploaded on Youtube under the title ‘IT professional molested by two air hostesses`? How will the media respond when I call in a press conference to say these girls were tormenting me? Will the judge believe me when I describe how they removed my shirt? Will Rekha trust me from now onwards? The questions were plenty…but there was no time for answers…for she was now very near.
“Sir, you will have to get down. We are in Delhi.” For somebody so besotted by my looks she had tremendous self control. Surprisingly, she was controlling her feelings pretty well.
“But I am going to Gurgaon. That`s where MIH Internet`s office is…and I am joining them as a Sr Product Manager.” I managed an emphasis on the word ‘senior` to impress her.
“Sir, Gurgaon doesn`t have an airport. You will have to take a cab from here. Can you please get off this plane?”
I didn`t understand why the air hostess was behaving like this. Till only sometime back, she seemed to want to hug me…and now she wanted me off the plane.
The stupid man that I am, I spotted the second air hostess very late. The second girl was now near us and could hear everything the first girl said…and I immediately realized that the prettier of the two wanted to have me for herself. I immediately stood up, and took my bag and started to leave.
I knew the first air hostess will catch up with me and give me her number. While passing the third row of seats…I realized she was much smarter than I had thought she was…she had left a tissue paper with a message for me on the floor. I slowly picked it up – lest the second air hostess saw it. As the girl in love had suggested I took the cab and was on my way to Gurgaon.
Yaaaahoooo! Looks like I made a good decision…for MIH Internet seems to be a company that takes good care of its employees – they have provided me guest house accommodation, a car and a driver for the first 15 days of my stay in Gurgaon.
PS: Don`t know whose phlegm the tissue paper contained.
# Difference between a train & an aeroplane – a guide for the first time flyer
# The Kingfisher Class – Part 1
# The Kingfisher Class – Part 2
# Traveling by Kingfisher Airlines
# Inside the Jet Airways flight
# Reporting straight from the Bangalore Airport
# Cheap airlines and cheap thrills
Ouchmytoe Recommends is a new category being started just because I have nothing much to do.
TWISTED DNA happens to be the first blog Ouchmytoe Recommends. If you love Ouchmytoe`s style of writing, you will definitely like Twisted DNA. Come on now…give him some page views…will you?
Some of his favorite posts: * My friend and his opinion of a wife | * 10 Kinds of Saree Wearers | * Those sexy, supple, white things | * Craptastic! | * I plead guilty of living in the US
Lateral thinking is in action when an individual or a group tries to make incremental changes in a mature product. Did that go over your head? It did for me when I read it for the first time. Read it again, if it helps.
A mature product is utility/item/gadget which has all the possible features one can aspire for, and there is very little that can be added. For example…let us take Yahoo Messenger. Is there a feature you can think of, which the Yahoo team has failed to include?
For our lateral thinking exercise, let us take a product we use every day – Mobiles. Is there any feature that currently doesn`t exist on mobiles but you would want included?
I thought for a while and came up with this:
Today`s mobiles don`t allow me to send an alarm to a friend`s mobile. Wouldn`t it be great if I could send an alarm to a friend`s mobile which would alert him a day before my birthday? I could send this alarm a week before my birthday – and unlike an SMS, it wouldn`t just lie in his inbox but would start beeping at the time and date I had set.
After one of the comments, I tried my Nokia N70 and there indeed is a ‘Alarm a Friend’ feature. I thought hard…laterally of course….and here is another feature I want my mobile to have:
I have 479 contacts in my mobile…and I end up sending a universal SMS to all at least once every year (stuff like my baby daughter’s birth). And on an average I send at least 10 SMSes every day. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a SMS Signature, which would allow me to send my blog url at the end of every SMS? Just like our e-mail signatures. Now, don’t you leave a comment saying the feature already exists. Is there any god damn feature the mobile guys haven’t thought of?????
Anything you can think of?
PS: If innovation & creativity excites you please read The Art of Innovation by Tom Kelly. After reading the book, you might be interested in IDEO – a company that helps innovate through design.
# Communicating a baby`s birth to the World
# Conversation: Osama vs Batman
# The master of exaggeration at work
# When I was in a Pakistani prison…
# Ten reasons why you need a girl friend…
I have always believed that every photograph has a story to tell – something so compelling that one doesn`t really want to share it. Perhaps that is why it took me 26 years to tell you this story.
Those were the innocent days. Children didn`t demand play stations and parents didn`t buy costly toys because they were never guilty of not spending enough time with their kids.
I still remember when my father – the more playful of the two parents because he could afford the time and money – called us all and announced that we were going out to take a family photograph. We hadn`t taken one since the youngest member of the family (the one with chubby cheeks) had arrived.
“Pick out your best clothes and be ready. I will be home by 4.30 p.m. and we will leave in half an hour,” he said.
It wasn`t a difficult task for me. I had only two good shorts and the zipper in the second didn`t work. I decided to wear the red short and the only shirt (out of the four I had) that would go well with it. Being an Army man`s son I couldn`t afford to be photographed without a belt and a pair of shoes. Kendriya Vidhyala`s red belt and white shoes, which was reserved for Saturdays, completed my attire.
Back then, it wasn`t fashionable to wear one`s socks around one`s ankles. I had to borrow two pink colored rubber bands from my mother to hold my socks in the right position. I have a feeling, by using the rubber bands I had cut the blood supply to my feet by half …but I wasn`t complaining.
I don`t know if Deepa (the one in salwar) had trouble choosing her best – I wasn`t into girls` clothes then. Sumathy, being the second girl in the family had a host of clothes to choose from. Besides, being a small kid, she could afford to be seen wearing woolens in April.
There was immense camaraderie while we ironed the clothes. In fact there was so much camaraderie that Deepa offered to iron Sumathy`s best woolens and burnt them.
As promised, my father came home early and we left for the studio at 5 p.m..
I heard my father ask my mother, “Shall we go to the studio we went to two years back?”
Today, I shudder to think how much we have progressed in terms of photography. My daughter is all of 80-odd days old and I already have 100s of pictures.
My mother nodded in agreement.
Half way through our walk, my mother asked Deepa, “Where is your dupatta?”
Apparently, in all the excitement, my sister had left her dupatta at home.
Mother (turning towards daddy): “Is it ok to take a picture without a dupatta?
Father: “No way. What is the point in taking a picture if we can`t show it to others?”
Mother: “You are right. Let us buy one on the way.”
We entered a small shop and in ten minutes had with us a red dupatta – something that would go well with Deepa`s pink salwar.
Soon enough we were in the studio – a very small, smelly place. In one corner stood a wall-mounted mirror and on a stool nearby I could see a few dirty combs and a tin of Ponds talcum powder. My parents applied a dash of the talcum powder (remember, we had walked two kilometers and were now sweating). They then took turns combing our hair and powdering us.
Before we were to take our respective positions, my father spotted that my white canvas shoes were not actually white. The studio man suggested we try applying some talcum powder, which he assured had worked for the previous client.
After my shoes were white enough to be photographed, the studio man guided us to our respective positions. I remember him telling our parents, “After I arrange the kids, you both can occupy positions just behind them.”
After 10 minutes of struggle, the studio man managed to place us at the right spot. By then, my father had had different ideas. I didn`t hear what he told my mom, but I did see her nodding her approval.
My father turned towards the studio man and said: “Why don`t you take a photograph of these three first? We will join them later.”
It all happened in a flash. Pun intended.
The studio man looked towards my father and said, “Come on now…it is your turn.”
“How much will it be for this snap if I want three copies – one for each of them?” asked my father.
I didn`t get the exact amount, but I did see my father`s eyebrows knit. He looked at my mom and didn`t say a word…but I did see her nod in approval. My parents didn`t stand with us that day for the second photograph. And it was three years before we went out again for a family photograph.
Today…26 years hence…we three have a copy of this photograph. We miss our father, though.
Warning: This is a pretty long post. 😉
# Accepting gifts from relatives
# Rekha is getting ready for my family
# My world is suddenly crowded
# Never be selfish, go and meet your in-laws
# My Grandma didn`t go to Jail
One of my friends who is very strong in History was heard saying: “Pearl Harbour? Who is she?”
Another friend, who is an expert in Playboy replied: “She was the centerfold for the December issue of 1941.”
Controversial British comedian Bernard Manning died today. Branded a racist through out his life, the star comedian was banned from many clubs in Britain. His death hasn`t settled matters…people are still arguing if racist comments can be funny.
The good thing about a comedian dying is that you get other comedians coming out of the closet and delivering eulogies.
Here is what fellow comedian Frank Carson had to say to BBC, “He was a wonderful man. If I had to write his gravestone I’d put: Here lies Bernard Manning, comedian, who died 76 years old.”
“Underneath that I’d put: What a pity, he had a booking next week.”
# Quotes on what is funny and what is not….
# Difference between a train & an aeroplane – a guide for the first time flyer
# When I was no longer ‘cute` for the women
# Do platonic relationships exist?
# Do all married men need mistresses?
This post has been updated after advice from my Brand Image Consultant, whose name will not be revealed even if I am forced to marry again!
Friday, the 15th was my last day with Yahoo India. The first three months of my time in Y! India were a breeze but after that I stopped having fun. I would have stayed on because of the flexibility it offered me and the brand that Yahoo is, but then some unmentionables happened and I was soon looking out I am not the kind to work in a place that doesn’t provide the freedom to think, innovate and build.
When I got in touch, www.Ibibo.com was happy to offer me the role of a Sr. Product Manager. After a few phone calls and a single interview, www.Ibibo.com was excited in offering me the right mix of risk & freedom (the hallmarks of a start-up) and I asked myself: “What the heck…why not Ibibo?” I think, it was my wife who said: “Because it means we have to shift to Gurgaon!”
Shifting to Gurgaon is the only issue – but then, Rekha and I are fine with it. After a Rs 17,999/- diamond and a few hours of begging Rekha is gung-ho about Gurgaon. From the gurgles that my 75-day-old daughter manages, I think she is also ready for the re-location.
Another thing my daughter is happy about is me being appointed ‘Director` of a web-enabled loan marketplace called HoneyBee India. It is a start-up (and the quality of their website shows) and needs all the support it can get. What would be my roles & responsibilities as the Non Executive Director of Honeybee India? Click on the link and find out. Sounds heavy, doesn`t it?
And hey, wish me luck.