How to avoid hangovers

It is always difficult to convey in 400 words what one has learnt in 15 years of drinking, but I am still going to try. This blog post is about how alcohol users can avoid hangovers or if they already own a hangover, how to get rid of it.

Please don`t laugh or make fun of my suggestions on how you can avoid hangovers, because besides working well for me….these rules are close to my heart.

When I started drinking in school, I was very irregular (my biology madam didn`t have frog dissection very often) because I wasn`t expected to bring a Old Monk rum bottle to school everyday. Just in case you didn`t know, I paid the price of being the son of a serving Army man – and was asked to bring in the antiseptic for the frogs, ie, half a bottle of Old Monk rum.

Every time my biology teacher announced a frog dissection class, she looked at me for that extra second and the message would be conveyed. If your mother hasn`t taught you yet…let me tell you that one should never look the Mafia in the eye….just look down…as I did.

Only 2-3 drops were required to anesthetize each frog….and I would be left with enough in the bottle to give a hangover to the whole school – minus, the teachers.

Anyway, here are Jammy`s recommendations to avoid hangovers

1) Avoid going to parties that serve liquor. If you don`t go to the party, you don`t drink liquor…and thus you don`t get a hangover.
2) If you have already gone to the party, avoid both the loud music and the dance floor – the more tired you are while hitting the bed, the higher your chances of a terrible hangover.
3) While drinking at the party, also drink a lot of water and piss regularly to dilute the extent of alcohol inside you.
4) Guys who rock the party more often than not tend to be heavy drinkers – stay away. You can form your own D-Company.
5) Spike the drink of somebody you hate. The guy / girl will get sloshed…and blabber so much that you would hurt your stomach laughing. And in the process forget drinking.
6) The best of all is to get married and lose all freedom to drink. But the question remains: What is better – hangover? Or wife?

If you already have a hangover…here are a few things you can do.

1) Around two in the night you will start getting hints about the hangover – they are a dry throat and de-hydrated body. So, get up and drink lots of water.
2) Around three in the night your right side (or ‘left` depending on your political affiliations) will start throbbing. See if you can visit the potty and puke – that`s the best option.
3) If you couldn`t puke at three, sleep tight for an hour and try and puke again.
4) While puking try not to wake up the whole neighbourhood – to fool them you can shout “ooooommmmmmm” a few times after the puking is over. They would think you were heavily into Yoga.
5) Surprisingly, when one has a hangover one tends to get up early. Perhaps, because sleeping becomes difficult….so take a quick dump, take bath and have tea with some biscuits.
6) If it helps, have some ‘Good Day` biscuits…your body somehow then feels obligated to ensure a ‘Good Day`.
7) After the puke and some biscuits….a good sleep till 9 a.m. really helps.

When you get up at 9 a.m. your hangover will be gone….but your wife will still be around.

Note: I am still suffering from Writer’s Block

Other Funny Reads

I drink, therefore I am
Of cows, urinary bladders and the Vivekananda Rock
What if I was born in 2050 A.D.?
On why I hate this 12-month-old girl

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Tackling the writer’s block, and almost winning

Comedy is one job, which if you do badly…nobody will laugh at you.


– Some comedian for sure

As I had mentioned in my post two days back, I have been suffering from Writer`s Block. So much so, I sent my boss in office this mail.

Dear Sir,

As I am suffering from Writer`s Block, please grant me two days leave. As you can see, I am not able to write beyond this….

Thankfully yours,
Jamshed V Rajan

First things first, not necessarily in that order….I have been very busy lately. Ibibo has been keeping me busy. Real busy. I think it is a South African conspiracy to ensure India doesn`t sign the Nuclear Deal. Don`t ask me why South Africa doesn`t want India to sign the Nuclear Deal……for you never asked why Left doesn`t want it. Is it because they aren`t Right? (I hope you got the joke!)

While on the subject of politics, let me ask you a question: “How would a dyslexic person see the United Front?”

Answer: As Untied Front, of course.

If you have noticed, this blog post is about nothing in particular. Perhaps, I am a loser and that`s why am losing out to the Writer`s Block. I checked with my mother and she says it is in our blood…she said my grand pa once came third in a chess match.

As this blog post winds to a halt…I am getting a little scared. I don`t want my Writer`s Block to end because that would mean I have to write more blog posts.

To those of you who have mailed me that I take a long time between my articles, here is some bit of wisdom for you. How long is long? What is ‘long` depends on whether you are a blogger or a blog reader. Let me give you an example that you can relate to…have you ever sat on the potty and felt that you were long in the bathroom? I am sure your answer is a big “NO”! Now, stand outside, clutching your stomach and see how long it is before the door opens….

Dear bloggers, lock up your blog readers….Jammy boy has killed Writer`s Block and is lurking around town.

Other Funny Reads

Today is my 33rd happy birthday
Father vs mother
Getting locked inside somebody`s washroom
Being a celebrity is difficult…
The art of swearing unnoticed

After a long five years…

Appreciating people who are different

June 30 saw Delhi`s first Gay Parade. Some 100 policemen and 500 gay activists congregated at one place (and yes the Delhi policemen were there only for protection) to churn the system. This blog post is a tribute to the gay guts.

I also wanted to be there…but couldn`t find my mask. When I decided to go ahead without my mask the thought of my Shiv Sena supporting neighbour stopped me. If I had worn the pink colored shirt that day (which I would have, if I were going to the Gay Parade) this neighbour of mine would have caught me and scolded me.

The last time he caught me watching the 20Twenty cricket, he had warned me of dire consequences if I didn`t switch off the TV when the cheerleaders came on screen.

“What? How can you NOT be up against the cheerleaders, when our country`s values are being flaunted like this?” He had asked.

“Siva, I am not up against the cheerleaders…at least not as often as I would like to.” I remember saying.

The poor guy didn`t get the joke.

I wanted to be at the Gay parade, because I believe that every individual should be allowed to be himself/herself. Perhaps that`s why when my bachelor friend Rohit Khanna said he had bought a sex toy I got excited.

He whispered into my ears: “I bought a sex toy!”

“Wow…I have never seen one!” It was a lie…because I once saw a dildo on the X-ray machine at the security check counter of Bangalore airport. Wonder why it was kept in a laptop bag.

My friend replied: “You can come home if you like. It is black, and sleek.”

I said sure and forgot. When I took time out the next weekend to visit his place….I saw the HCL Busy Bee Desktop which he was referring to as a sex toy. I didn`t argue with him. After all, desktops have become the biggest sex toys in the last ten years of so.

If you think only unmarried men do as they wish, you are wrong. The other day, my colleague and I were having tea in the office cafeteria at 6 p.m., when my colleague blurted out: “As soon as I reach home, I am going to rip open my wife`s bra!”

“Be a dude and hold your tongue. You don`t need to be so graphic.” I had already started imagining – within seconds they had hit the bed.

“Right there! Stop your imagination! I am the one wearing my wife`s bra.”

I have had a good amount of respect for him since the incident. In fact, the other day I even did the good old girl trick on him: “Hey, Monday comes before Sunday!” (Are you a guy and didn`t get the joke? Check with a girl)

It is not just the guys who live life on their own terms. Some of the women too (and if you are one, call me!). The other day, I was in a church and when one of my girl friends walked in. I wanted to avoid her because only the previous night we had had an embarrassing situation….so, I ran to the confessional box and hid myself.

To my dismay, she walked right up to the confessional box…looked here and there….and started confessing.

“Father, I have sinned,” she said.

“Why? What happened my child?” At that moment I felt like Michael Jackson – just that unlike me he first calls them his children and then has sex with them.

“Father, you remember this guy called Jamshed, who comes to our church sometimes?”

“Yes dear. What about him? Did YOU also sleep with her?”

“No father….we didn`t sleep the whole night….”

At this point, I couldn`t take her lies. I pulled away the curtains and shouted back: “Liar! We slept off by 3.30 a.m…..remember?”

Like a girl who lived on her own terms, she decided to dump me.

Other Funny Reads

Am I turning into a woman?
Male sex organs (U Certificate)
What if there were no women in the World
Kissing – how it all began
Jammy`s sex life exposed!
Am I a lesbian?

Jammy’s performance in Leh, Ladakh

ibibo`s top management (which surprisingly also includes me) was in Leh, Ladakh for five days recently.

Half of the time was spent closeted inside a conference room defining future strategies and the rest was spent in the wilderness.

On our third day, we went for picnic…outdoors food, a walk down the river bed (I forget the name of the river)…and pre and post lunch entertainment sessions.

As part of the pre-lunch entertainment, I ended up dancing like a Ladakh artist. But not before, I had collected Rs 141 from my company`s top brains – even my Chief Financial Officer gave me Rs 10! Here is the video –