It is always difficult to convey in 400 words what one has learnt in 15 years of drinking, but I am still going to try. This blog post is about how alcohol users can avoid hangovers or if they already own a hangover, how to get rid of it.
Please don`t laugh or make fun of my suggestions on how you can avoid hangovers, because besides working well for me….these rules are close to my heart.
When I started drinking in school, I was very irregular (my biology madam didn`t have frog dissection very often) because I wasn`t expected to bring a Old Monk rum bottle to school everyday. Just in case you didn`t know, I paid the price of being the son of a serving Army man – and was asked to bring in the antiseptic for the frogs, ie, half a bottle of Old Monk rum.
Every time my biology teacher announced a frog dissection class, she looked at me for that extra second and the message would be conveyed. If your mother hasn`t taught you yet…let me tell you that one should never look the Mafia in the eye….just look down…as I did.
Only 2-3 drops were required to anesthetize each frog….and I would be left with enough in the bottle to give a hangover to the whole school – minus, the teachers.
Anyway, here are Jammy`s recommendations to avoid hangovers
1) Avoid going to parties that serve liquor. If you don`t go to the party, you don`t drink liquor…and thus you don`t get a hangover.
2) If you have already gone to the party, avoid both the loud music and the dance floor – the more tired you are while hitting the bed, the higher your chances of a terrible hangover.
3) While drinking at the party, also drink a lot of water and piss regularly to dilute the extent of alcohol inside you.
4) Guys who rock the party more often than not tend to be heavy drinkers – stay away. You can form your own D-Company.
5) Spike the drink of somebody you hate. The guy / girl will get sloshed…and blabber so much that you would hurt your stomach laughing. And in the process forget drinking.
6) The best of all is to get married and lose all freedom to drink. But the question remains: What is better – hangover? Or wife?
If you already have a hangover…here are a few things you can do.
1) Around two in the night you will start getting hints about the hangover – they are a dry throat and de-hydrated body. So, get up and drink lots of water.
2) Around three in the night your right side (or ‘left` depending on your political affiliations) will start throbbing. See if you can visit the potty and puke – that`s the best option.
3) If you couldn`t puke at three, sleep tight for an hour and try and puke again.
4) While puking try not to wake up the whole neighbourhood – to fool them you can shout “ooooommmmmmm” a few times after the puking is over. They would think you were heavily into Yoga.
5) Surprisingly, when one has a hangover one tends to get up early. Perhaps, because sleeping becomes difficult….so take a quick dump, take bath and have tea with some biscuits.
6) If it helps, have some ‘Good Day` biscuits…your body somehow then feels obligated to ensure a ‘Good Day`.
7) After the puke and some biscuits….a good sleep till 9 a.m. really helps.
When you get up at 9 a.m. your hangover will be gone….but your wife will still be around.
Note: I am still suffering from Writer’s Block