A letter to my new Computer

Dear Comp,

You are somebody I have always wanted to own. From the day I saw you huddled up in the corner of an air-conditioned room, into which 30 of us – class nine students – were herded after being forced to remove our footwear.

The day my magnanimous teachers gave me three seconds to play that `Bounce Ball` game, that your great-grandfathers came with in the early 1990s, I had decided that I should own one from your family. Did I hear you say, Imperialist? Blame it on my grand father, who once went around with a 50-year old divorced British Nurse.

In fact, there is nothing to fear, for I will not mess up with you. I hardly know anything about hardware, and as for my software skills, they are as soft as can be. You can rest assured it will be a qualified professional who would attend. As of now, you are well vaccinated.

I will not be using all those floppies and CDs that will make you ill. And if at all you get ill, we could always check with Dr. Watson. Heard he is a good Doc.

I am told you guys have a very bad immune system, what with every other family member afflicted with some virus. In my house, the most common virus is that for common cold, and I hear they don`t inhabit non-humans like you.

While at it, I must tell you about my nose – It would have been a Olympics champion if only I had registered in time for the Atlanta Games in 1998. What a runner of a nose, I have had to live with.

Your KRA will be to help me finish the book that I am yet to start. The one that, I have already named – Making Sense of Humor.

A vital part of your daily activity will be being my home entertainment system – from songs in the morning and evening, to Matter CDs in the darkness of the night. You will have to be trustworthy like Diana`s chauffer…not revealing any of my secrets. Well, at least not till I die a horrific death in some car accident, on a highway, with FoodWorld`s owners` daughter by my side.

Now that we agree on so many things, how about you, not displaying the `Bad Command` message? For, one I am your commander and two, my commands are not bad.

Yours lovingly,
Jamshed V Rajan

By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at jv.rajan@gmail.com or message him at +919650080255.

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