The baby-mother bonding

Mothers can start building a bond with their kids when they are still in their womb. Unfortunately, fathers can`t.

The natural that she is, my wife has developed an intense bond with the yet-to-be-born. They are so close that she has already lent the baby Rs 1000. On its part, the baby has promised to return the money in six months time.

When mothers talk, babies inside the womb listen and that is the main reason for the bonding. Not to be left behind, my wife has started talking to our baby.

Here is one conversation between Rekha and the baby, which I overheard.

“Hello Baby! How are you doing?” It was Rekha speaking in a hushed tone.


“Oh ok. So, did you get enough calcium from the milk I just drank?”


“That`s good. I hate milk. Never drank it in the last 25 years…but am drinking it now only because I love you.”


“I am glad you appreciate it. And what about iron?”


“I know…it makes me nauseated too. My tongue feels rusted because of the iron syrup. But the doctor says it is good for blood generation.”


“You must be tired now. Why don`t you go to sleep?”


“That`s better.”

Believe it or not, now-a-days when I see Rekha talking, I slowly creep towards her right and see if she is wearing her wireless earpiece. If she isn`t, one has to assume that she is talking to the baby.

Sometimes, I am jealous of my wife coz she just might become our kid`s favorite parent.

According to reliable sources, at this stage all voices except the mothers are labeled as “Others” by the baby. When I clarified the same with our gynecologist, she said there was a work around.

“You can speak to the baby directly. Just get close to the mother`s stomach and start talking,” the experienced gynecologist said.

“Which language do I speak in?” It was a genuine doubt, but I have a feeling the gynecologist thought I was making fun of her.

“Any language. The baby just needs to know how his/her father sounds.”

I knew the gynecologist was on our side, but I still had my doubts. I asked: “How would the baby know that the voice that speaks from close to the stomach is the father?”

The gynecologist turned towards my wife. I turned towards my wife. My wife turned towards me. My wife turned towards the gynecologist. The gynecologist turned towards me. Nothing was said, yet so much was conveyed in the expressions.

The gynecologist signed deeply and said: “The baby knows that nobody…and…nobody can come close to his mother`s stomach. The baby knows that only his/her mother`s husband can come close to her stomach and thus starts labeling that his/her father`s.”

“Doctor, how would the baby know sociology – I mean how would he/she know that only husbands can come near their wives stomachs?”

The gynecologist didn`t reply, but she did charge us Rs 500 as the consultation fee – Rs 300 more than the usual. Wonder if she wants us to look for another gynecologist.

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By Jamshed V Rajan

Jammy, as Jamshed V Rajan is affectionately called, is a wannabe stand up comedian. He has a funny take on most things but documents only some of them. If you are interested in chatting up with him, do drop him an email at or message him at +919650080255.

34 replies on “The baby-mother bonding”

my goodness.. my goodness.. sometimes u r too much.. going to take a print-out of this one and circulate it to a thousand people around.

Jammy.. am just rolling down with laughter.. You are at your best man.. Your yet-to -be born -Kid has already taken the centre stage… having tears man…

Rekha… think you are having a great time… Happy Pregnancy..

the baby sounded zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz when rekha said sleep off kanna … may b becuse after having a tuff time understanding her coded lang needed some much wanted rest


The sociology part was esp too good.

Btw you needed to clarify whether Junior will pay the loan with Interest? If so, wot will be a fair interest rate to be charged?

Also on the baby’s first language; it will be the “mother”tongue ie: Malayalam :-))


i was just about to hit the sack today to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz but jus remembered to check ur blog.. as usual i can sleep with a smile after reading the post! thanks jammy!

When Rekha could understand the zzzz kind of code language, she will definitely understand the languages of your CMs and neighbour Karnataka & Kerala CMs while talking about WATER issues. That will showcase your familyรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs, including those who have not arrived yet, special capabilities. Imagine for that reason when you will one of the prime figures in national politics, who to credit then…?


Mirror: But then what better way to get bankrupt than from your own kid’s hands. Huh? Do I sound like a Sanjeev Kumar in the Hindi movie ‘Trishul’?

Bobby: I just hope my gynec doesn’t read this. Rekha plans to give her the url once the delivery is over.

wrongone: OK…so to how many people did you give the prints to? BTW…thanks to your comment…Ouchmytoe now has a printer friendly version. Talk of being customer centric… ๐Ÿ˜‰

Uma: Thanks buddy…while you roll down you might as well wear some wollen clothes…we might be able to generate some static electricity.

Like you said, Rekha is indeed having a good time. Last evening she brought home a coconut and asked me to break it so that she could have it at 7 p.m. as snack. Because I got delayed by five minutes, she broke open the coconut by hand, gnawed at the kernel and threw the remains from the balcony. She now says…I was imagining about the coconut.

priya: I agree…even the touch of father can be recognised by the baby inside the womb. One of these days, one of the babies is going to shout from inside: “Hey, thats not my papa!”

Roshni: For that matter, the baby wouldn’t know so many other languages….chemistry and physics for instance. Now, would you accuse me of changing the subject?

Rishi: It is a classic case of over-zealous Gynec vs Inquisitive father to-be. The other parallel in History is Adolf Hitler and Jesse Owens…each out to prove the other wrong.

Flaashgordon: Leave alone paying it back with interest, I would be more than happy if he has the interest to pay it back when Rekha and I will be 70+ and would be looking for a loveable place to spend our time. Like in the Amitabh-Hema move “Baghbaan”.

Definately mother’s tounge. You obviously know why kids get to know the mother tounge first – coz the father never gets to open his mouth and show the kid his tounge.

Sunny: After a long time, I suppose.

We could be the Code Breaking Family. Our autobiograpy could be named: Writing the code and then breaking it

Halo Jammy, have been reading ur blog since past few weeks..i just love it ๐Ÿ™‚
and specially bout this posts, just loved the looks exchanged between you, rekha and the dr.

keep writing ๐Ÿ™‚

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