[This is a quick, late night post. Remember, I warned you!]
People who grew up reading ‘The Hindu` will remember a Tennis writer called Nirmal Shekar. He once, while describing one of the many Leander Paes` wins in Davis Cup wrote: “When miracles happen too often, they cease to be miracles.” Very profound, I thought. Maybe that`s why….after writing four continuous Happy Birthday post for a blog reader called Himani Sahni (spread over the last four years!), I decided NOT to write one this time. It has nothing to do with the fact that now she is married. I promise.
As they say, old habits die hard. And here I go again with a fifth Happy Birthday post for her.
Rekha, if you are reading this…I know you have started swearing by now. Let me assure you that I amuse the women readers more often only because they are the ones that mail me and ask for such favors. Men seem to hate me.
Since Himani has just entered her second year of marriage, I thought it made sense if I gave her some birthday advice on what to expect in the second year of marriage. After the wedding album has been resigned to a dusty fate inside the cupboard (and visitors are spared the torture of going thro` 1000s of photos) ….and the couple has discussing EMIs, Bills, Work Loads, In-laws etc.
It made all the sense because all those women out there (including my wife), who are struggling with their men can also benefit.
Dear ladies, let us get it straight. There is no such thing has a good man. If that was true, why would the unmarried women say that all good men are married…and all married women say that the men they married aren`t good? Unlike batteries, men don`t have a positive side.
Most men…no no…all men (including me) will grab at the next opportunity. Perhaps, that`s why we give our Little Johnnies names like Chetak, Shivaji Maharaj (I hope Bal Thackeray doesn`t ban me from Mumbai!), Hitler, Rocky, etc because deep down we are all think we are conquerors. Like I have always maintained the Singles Bar in your town is for the married men to congregate.
Stopping him from visiting the Singles Bar isn`t a good idea too.
Never try and control a man because he will never listen. In fact, if he listens to every word of yours…you should probably visit the nearest beauty parlor and ‘beautify` yourself. Men don`t listen to pretty women. The only way you can get your words to hit a man is by grabbing your dictionary and hitting him on the head with it.
More often than not you women would have noticed that men come back from office and sit in front of Television. Don`t try to speak to him. Give him credit for having managed his boss successfully and not getting fired that day. If you still insist and continue talking, he is bound to increase the TV volume.
I remember Rekha once confronting me. She said: “You never speak a word after you come back from office. Even if I speak you never listen & respond.”
To this I had responded with a, “Huh?!”
I couldn`t tell my wife that day….but you guys should know that we men don`t like to hear the struggles of our wives. And that`s the only reason why we turn on the TV volume.
If a man switches off the TV and makes an effort to listen to you, he is behaving abnormally. As mentioned earlier, either you need to ‘beautify` yourself or you should start taking an interest in your husband`s activities. Hire a private detective, perhaps.
The other day, I overheard two newly married girls talking in office. I wouldn`t name them coz their husbands read this blog. One was asking the other: “Do you know why men are like clothes stores?”
The second girl thought for a long time and then replied with an emphatic, “No.”
At this the first girl gave a naughty smile and said, “Well, because like clothes stores, men are also best when the clothes are 50% off.”
I smiled under my breath and wished these girls would continue to have this interest in such talk even a few months after their marriage. But I knew their interest would wane and their husbands would hit the nearest Singles Bar in town sooner than later.
It isn`t without reason they say that in a man`s life the speed limit of sex is 68. Why? That`s because at 69, you have to turn around.
Happy Birthday, Himani!
(Happy Birthday posts requests may please be mailed to firstname.lastname@example.org. That`s the mail ID my wife doesn`t check)